Was I in the wrong here or partner re walk

[Ieattoomuchsugar]

We went out for a walk, was quite a high ascent but made it to the top which was great.

We started our descent and then it began getting dark around 4:30pm. The choice was either a road which would take a bit longer or a dirt path. I said we should go on the road as it's safer in the dark and my partner was adamant that the other path was shorter.

We took it and it was essentially a steep downhill mudslide in the dark for large parts of it. I admit I was pretty scared as we had a torch but didn't know the path and we kept slipping over despite having walking boots on. I just felt it was unsafe and we could have injured ourselves. It was a bit terrifying at the time.
We made it out but I was saying to my partner that we should have taken the road as it's safer, at least we made it.
Maybe I was overreacting but I have a bit of a phobia of falling whereas my partner is less afraid and doesn't worry.
If this situation arises again should I just take the safer road on my own ? Or just get over it ?

I voted YABU because you’re acting like he did it deliberately. How was he supposed to know the path would be like that?

I think if you’re scared, a bit terrified, have a bit of a phobia and get dizzy downhill then going for such a hike was idiotic.

I’d have taken the non road version too. I’ll take slipping into mud over being run over any day.

@Ieattoomuchsugar

I also seem to get dizzy on a downwards slope- could it be vertigo? The walking poles are a great idea too

Me too. Walking poles are a game changer. I now tackle ridges and downhill slopes that I would never have dreamed possible.

Also, maybe hill walking isn’t for you? I absolutely hate it, so DH knows never to take us on a walk that involves anything more than a gentle ascent. You do need some level of confidence for such walks.

As well as not organising your day so as to come home in the light, another point for next time is that you should have your route planned so that you know how you are coming back and you have a safe alternative in case of unforeseen (it getting dark does not count as unforeseen) occurrence. Again, this is common sense for walking in the hills. In this case, I suggest the safe alternative might well have been to call a taxi at the point where you met the road as neither route home in the dark was risk free.

You are both being unreasonable for going out without being prepared with a map, torch (presumably also extra layers & water?), yes. Walking can be dangerous & it's surprising the trouble you get into even on a hill when the weather comes in or it goes dark. Walking along the road in the dark also dangerous as cars wouldn't have seen you till last second.

^I’d consider ending the relationship with someone who didn’t think my safety a priority. The tarmac was the safer option.^

Some peoples answers are ridiculous. A preference over which way to walk in the dark is not relationship ending or a reason for offering up donations 😂

I’d actually not be giving this anymore thought and just go earlier next time! I’ve been in similar situations before with my DH and we just remember we started to late last time. Nothing else to it!

But the road would have been dangerous too if it didn’t have a pavement! Plan better next time.

I suggest the safe alternative might well have been to call a taxi at the point where you met the road as neither route home in the dark was risk free

Indeed, they could have just got an Uber. Because taxis are queuing up to drive out into the countryside to pick up stranded walkers to drive them a few miles back to their car. Perhaps they should have also got Domino's delivered while they were waiting?

Sorry OP but you and your partner are idiots who are inexperienced, fail to plan ahead and then expect mountain rescue to come and save them.

You both went out unprepared and could have potentially put both yourselves and any volunteer rescuing either of you at risk.

Your DH sounds like a selfish, thoughtless knob head.

In future plan ahead, set off in good time (or scale down/shorten your walk if running late or time is too tight), look at how long the route will take you (based on both of your abilities), think about the weather a few days beforehand and how quickly conditions can change if you are climbing any height, stick to a route within both of your capabilities and make sure you tell someone exactly where you are going, exactly what routes you will be taking (including a plan B route for all eventualities) and what time you will be back etc.

I am saying all this as during lockdown a volunteer in the Lake District got seriously injured rescuing someone.

I would have actually turned back and gone the way I had come. At least you know that route a little bit!

@KiloWhat

You should go with the least confident/able climbers preference I'd have thought

This. This is ALWAYS the rule. The slowest, least able, least confident walker ALWAYS dictates the pace and path!

@MamaGaia

I voted YABU because you’re acting like he did it deliberately. How was he supposed to know the path would be like that?

And this is how people get stuck, lost, hurt.

Even people who know what they are doing can have a minor incident that turns into a major accident.

I know 3 or 4 of the volunteers involved it his... and they would have a LOT to say to OPs partner

www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/cave-rescue-man-injured-powys-22097687

I voted YABU because you shouldn’t ever put yourself in this situation again. Next time you should turn around before you reach the summit if you are running out of time to make it down safely. It’s not just you that you are putting at risk, but also the poor sods who have to go out looking for you.
In this situation you should’ve taken the road though

YABU for seemingly being surprised that it turned dark at 4.30pm. DH is a keen hill walker and just about the first thing he does when considering a walk is to work out what time he needs to be down before it gets dark.

Once dark, neither option was great. There's merit in getting down as quickly as possible but equally it's good to do that on a stable terrain.

Your lesson for next occasion is to work out your timings and route in advance not in the dark late afternoon.

I should have added that too. I voted YABU because you didn't think for yourself and do what was best, safest for you.

Have a read of some of the more friendly sites that explain the safety considerations. And never, ever think that a hill/mountain walk is just anything!

martinthehills.co.uk/mountain-safety/mountain-safety/

This. This is ALWAYS the rule. The slowest, least able, least confident walker ALWAYS dictates the pace and path!

Yes, absolutely this. You should not try and force someone into a situation which is beyond their comfort zone. Your OH was no wrong to suggest that the dirt track was quicker and that was his preference. To continue being adamant when you'd said that you were very concerned about it in the dark is a bit of an arsey thing to do.

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

This. This is ALWAYS the rule. The slowest, least able, least confident walker ALWAYS dictates the pace and path!

Yes, absolutely this. You should not try and force someone into a situation which is beyond their comfort zone. Your OH was no wrong to suggest that the dirt track was quicker and that was his preference. To continue being adamant when you'd said that you were very concerned about it in the dark is a bit of an arsey thing to do.

But the road could have been even more dangerous as neither of them were in high vis or equipped with head torches etc.

Feeling safer on the road isn't the same as actually being safer. I would also argue that the person with the most experience should decide what's safer, not the anxious newbie.

My ex would have gone down the steep path. My boyfriend now would walk on the road with me.

Yes, the person with more experience should decide what's safe, taking into account the capabilities of those, with them, and always going at the pace/capability level of the most unfit/novice walker.

There's a very simple alert you can put on your watch or phone to remind you when sunset is coming, too. I use it when I'm out running, so it gives me a half hour warning. I've always checked sunset times in advance and planned properly, but that extra little alert that it's time to go home is useful.

@BarbaraofSeville

I suggest the safe alternative might well have been to call a taxi at the point where you met the road as neither route home in the dark was risk free

Indeed, they could have just got an Uber. Because taxis are queuing up to drive out into the countryside to pick up stranded walkers to drive them a few miles back to their car. Perhaps they should have also got Domino's delivered while they were waiting?

They could have at least considered it as an option rather than just deciding to walk back via a dangerous route in the dark.

Or they could have rung a friend. As we have no idea where they actually were, your level of sarcasm is unnecessary. As clearly people who are not habitual walkers, I suggest it's more likely that they were in a popular walking spot, where actually it's often quite possible to get taxis.

Feeling safer on the road isn't the same as actually being safer. I would also argue that the person with the most experience should decide what's safer, not the anxious newbie.

To be fair, most walkers with experience would have turned back without reaching the summit and taken the safest path based on the abilities of the group members.

The anxious newbie gets given the utmost courtesy and consideration, because everyone else in the goroup has been that person and nows how it feel. Nobody with experience would do anything to scare them off.

It's not that the newbie makes the decision. Their presence dictates what decisions should be made - by someone who knows what they are doing.

YANBU but the real issue here is that both of you should have timed your walk better so you weren't walking back in the dark.

@HoardingSamphireSaurus

Feeling safer on the road isn't the same as actually being safer. I would also argue that the person with the most experience should decide what's safer, not the anxious newbie.

To be fair, most walkers with experience would have turned back without reaching the summit and taken the safest path based on the abilities of the group members.

The anxious newbie gets given the utmost courtesy and consideration, because everyone else in the goroup has been that person and nows how it feel. Nobody with experience would do anything to scare them off.

It's not that the newbie makes the decision. Their presence dictates what decisions should be made - by someone who knows what they are doing.

Absolutely- they shouldn't have been out anyway.

But thinking it's even remotely safe to walk along a dark, unlit country road when you're not wearing the right equipment is worrying to me. All it takes is for you to be hidden by a tree, verge or corner and you're in real trouble.

I drive narrow country lanes daily and the amount of people who walk down them wearing dark trousers and dark coats is scary - and that's in daylight. At night it's almost impossible to see them until you're practically on top of them.

The road may seem safer as it's tarmac but that doesn't mean it is safe to be on at night.