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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I in the wrong here or partner re walk

134 replies

Ieattoomuchsugar · 10/01/2022 06:56

We went out for a walk, was quite a high ascent but made it to the top which was great.

We started our descent and then it began getting dark around 4:30pm. The choice was either a road which would take a bit longer or a dirt path. I said we should go on the road as it's safer in the dark and my partner was adamant that the other path was shorter.

We took it and it was essentially a steep downhill mudslide in the dark for large parts of it. I admit I was pretty scared as we had a torch but didn't know the path and we kept slipping over despite having walking boots on. I just felt it was unsafe and we could have injured ourselves. It was a bit terrifying at the time.
We made it out but I was saying to my partner that we should have taken the road as it's safer, at least we made it.
Maybe I was overreacting but I have a bit of a phobia of falling whereas my partner is less afraid and doesn't worry.
If this situation arises again should I just take the safer road on my own ? Or just get over it ?

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 10/01/2022 07:22

Dark roads can be dangerous too, if you don't have reflective gear, neither of you right or wrong.

Next time I would just say be better prepared - leave earlier, leave extra time, have torches, reflective gear.

It's good you didn't fall out!

wombat1a · 10/01/2022 07:22

I'd probably have taken the path as I would have got back sooner. With walking boots and a torch I don't see too much of a problem.

KatherineJaneway · 10/01/2022 07:24

I think you are both unreasonable for being out so late it got dark and not having a clear plan to get back to where you needed to be.

preperri · 10/01/2022 07:24

Something is just as likely to happen to him as to you. So I'd feel inclinded to go with him incase!
Is he usually this irresponsible?
Do you have children together?

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 10/01/2022 07:26

Obviously i have no idea where you were walking but if you're out hill walking you need to be better prepared or you'll end up on a mountain rescue programme. You were both incredibly foolhardy to be out unprepared in the dark and you're very lucky you weren't injured sliding about in the mud. The emergency services don't need you putting them at risk.

cherrypie66 · 10/01/2022 07:26

Go earlier next time so not dark

Somuddled · 10/01/2022 07:26

You shouldn't be going on walks if you don't know how to time getting back safely. The road with torches would have been the safer option.

Original poster
Ieattoomuchsugar · 10/01/2022 07:27

The path ended up taking quite a while due to how slippery and steep it was, not sure if it was quicker really

OP posts:
Original poster
Ieattoomuchsugar · 10/01/2022 07:27

Anyway main point taken we will go earlier

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 10/01/2022 07:29

I'd take the road if there's a pavement or it's rarely used. Next time leave earlier.

Riverlee · 10/01/2022 07:29

Had you walked up the muddy path and was returning the same way?

If you knew the conditions of the path, then road. If you assumed the path would be fairly safe, ie, just a dirt path, but didn’t realise it would be so muddy, then either is reasonable.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 10/01/2022 07:30

Or take the option of least risk

But what's riskiest is often personal opinion not fact.

It's incredibly dangerous to walk along unlit country roads in the dark - especially if you're not wearing hi-vis. Yes, drivers have lights on but if it's a windy country road you can't see pedestrians until you're almost on top of them and that's in good light, not dusk or the pitch black.

So in some ways you could argue that the path is safer as there's no danger of traffic.

fellrunner85 · 10/01/2022 07:31

You need to have a word with yourself as to what on earth you were doing, as inexperienced walkers, up a hill after sunset without the right kit.

Either you plan well (familiar with route, map, compass) so you know you'll be back in the light, or you prepare for being back in the dark (headtorch each, reflective kit etc).

Fwiw the muddy path will probably have been safer than an unfamiliar rural road in the dark, when you're not lit up. So I think your partner was being the slightly more sensible one here.

As a pp said, Mountain Rescue have had their busiest season yet for a reason. I think you should make a donation, buy headtorches, and learn how to plan a walk better if you're going to do it again.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but your lack of planning and inability to deal with very predictable conditions (mud and dark in January) could have had far worse consequences.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/01/2022 07:32

You need to have a word with yourself as to what on earth you were doing, as inexperienced walkers, up a hill after sunset without the right kit.

Exactly this.

The issue isn't 'track or road', it's being unprepared & acting in an unsafe way.

FortunesFave · 10/01/2022 07:33

You can't "have a bit of a phobia"

You either have one or you don't. You're just more nervous of falling. A phobia of falling would mean you'd never have gone up there in the first place.

Dindundundundeeer · 10/01/2022 07:34

I hope you BOTH make a donation to the local mountain rescue and thank your lucky stars you weren’t dragging them out.

Slipping in the dark ie unprepared.

RealBecca · 10/01/2022 07:34

You cant go against your own better judgement and then be cross with him. Yes you should have taken the road, but you also should have dug in on your decision.

IwishICouldTurnBackTime · 10/01/2022 07:35

It could be that your OH realised you were right to suggest the longer way, but didn't want to admit he was wrong to insist on the muddy path, as I think men in general will take more of a risk, so treat it as a lesson to be more prepared, but also try to be more assertive if you feel you're in the right.

I have been in a similar situation with my OH, so I know how it feels, you feel you have to capitulate to them, but it leaves you feeling very put out when you're proved to be right, but they won't admit that!

FortunesFave · 10/01/2022 07:35

@Dindundundundeeer

I hope you BOTH make a donation to the local mountain rescue and thank your lucky stars you weren’t dragging them out.

Slipping in the dark ie unprepared.

Confused I'd understand this idea if they'd had to call the mountain rescue...but they didn't.

This is like telling someone who almost went to hospital to donate to the nurses fund ffs.

countrygirl99 · 10/01/2022 07:36

[quote BarbaraofSeville]But drivers have lights and should not drive in a way where they can't avoid obstacles that could be in the way.

So as well as pedestrians, there could be animals in the road, bends, verges and drop offs the side of the road.

Obviously depends on what the road and hill were like, but in any case, the lesson for the OP is to not hill walk at night in winter unless they are suitably equipped and experienced to deal with likely problems like a fall that makes them unable to walk.

Mountain Rescue organisations have recently stated that they've been busier than ever and a lot of call outs have been due to things going wrong in situations like the OP describes.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cumbria-59858501[/quote]
2 points
1( you only have to read and post on here concerning cyclists or horse riders that a lot of drivers have zero consideration for non motorised road users.
2) even with lights someone wearing dark clothing can blend into hedges and be difficult to see.

fallfallfall · 10/01/2022 07:37

I’d consider ending the relationship with someone who didn’t think my safety a priority. The tarmac was the safer option.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 10/01/2022 07:38

@EarringsandLipstick

You need to have a word with yourself as to what on earth you were doing, as inexperienced walkers, up a hill after sunset without the right kit.

Exactly this.

The issue isn't 'track or road', it's being unprepared & acting in an unsafe way.

This in spades. Going out too late, without emergency gear, on an unplanned route in the dark after heavy rain Hmm

People like OP are exactly the reason why mountain rescue end up having to put themselves at risk to go and help them.

girlmom21 · 10/01/2022 07:39

I think you should discuss this now - what happens if the situation ever arises again.

There's clearly an obvious answer but if you agree now there'll be no issue when you're quickly running out of daylight.

todaysdilemma · 10/01/2022 07:40

We have been in similar situations and my partner is the more experienced hiker, but always asks me which route I'd be more comfortable with if visibility is reduced or it's getting dark. And would always pick my safety every time. I wouldn't be impressed by your partner's decision. But also would absolutely refuse to be bullied into taking a route less safe, unless you needed to be back for an emergency - speed should not take precedence over safety.

fellrunner85 · 10/01/2022 07:40

The tarmac was the safer option

Not in my view, or the view of several others.
The safer option would have been the off-road path, in the daylight, with appropriate kit. But it seems neither of them were capable of doing that.