Just tried online dating-feel sick

[Itsallabitwank]

Going through a separation, not interested in meeting anyone but thought I’d have a look at a dating site. Felt so weird putting my *Description in of what I’m like and am looking for, then scrolling through faces..none of which looked appealing to me.
Feeling bit scared, I’m 44 with a young daughter, am I destined to be alone forever?
Did anyone meet their other half a bit later on in a more natural situation?
I’m not against OD i just don’t think it will be for me

I think now is not the best time to even be speculating about this.🤷

[quote Itsallabitwank]@mrsnec Sounds awful 😣
Just really doesn’t seem like my thing. I’m only thinking tentatively of the future. How else do people meet though if you’re a mum of a young child and don’t/don’t want to go out to bars etc anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
Google 'meetups' . You put in your area and what you like doing. There are groups in my local area for singles. They tend to be set up for particular age groups e.g 25-35 singles. There is one in my area for single 40 something women to socialise but also a single over 40 group. There are walking groups, meet for a coffee, curry night on a Friday groups etc. If you are going through a divorce your child will presumably be going to your ex for some of the week/weekend so you could see what on then.

The Meetup groups I go to are mostly attended by 50+ and single. I have been OLD from time to time, but I wouldn’t consider meeting a man who was ‘going through a separation’. I know several people who are on POF/Match and attend Meetup, although they tend not to admit to it in group settings.

Met current BF at a local gig. We’re both retired… you have to choose the groups, sites and activities that appeal to your own age group.

I would definitely say don't try any dating til you're in the right headspace. OLD is quite daunting but it's also a good way for you to meet someone outside your circle. Having met my other half on Tinder 5 years ago after his divorce, my advice is to chat to them over a few weeks and just dismiss the ones that aren't interesting. If you can have a nice friendly chat over messages and he's still got your interest, could be worth meeting up. You mever know but please don't give up

I joined an on line dating site when I was 53. I had a few dates then met someone who seemed to be the one. We have now been together for 20 years and married for 18 years.

I met my husband on pof but that was about 8 years ago.

I think joining a hobby just to find a partner would be too roundabout a way of doing it for me. You'd end up sizing up every new guy that joined, many of whom might just want to partake in the hobby.

OLD seems a bit daunting but I just view it as the yellow pages of single people. You're cutting out all the fluff like having to look over at a bloke and hope he approaches you, and then try and talk over the noise. You just find somebody you're attracted to and can have a nice direct chat and get down to business.

I think joining a hobby just to find a partner would be too roundabout a way of doing it for me.

I don't think it's a great idea. Apart from anything else, it's obvious who has joined a hobby just to meet a potential partner. It seems insincere which is hardly a great start. I gave up meeting anyone and started a new hobby because I wanted to do that hobby. And then I met someone through that. I think it was a question of widening my social group until it included someone I wanted to go out with, who was also interested in me. It helps we have that hobby in common but that is a genuine interest for both of us, not one either of us was faking.

@BertramLacey

I agree with this: received wisdom dictates that this is the best way to meet like-minded people but I was always a bit doubtful about taking up a hobby just to meet someone.

As you say, its usually pretty obvious when someone is there as a pick-up exercise and its a real turnoff - people can smell it a mile off.

The vast majority of people doing a hobby will be married/coupled anyway so you might be wasting your time: of the ones who are single you might not fancy them or get on so its quite a time inefficient way of doing it (unless you have tons of time to kill).

I also think there's just a very high risk of mixed messages and awkwardness: you might think you're getting to know someone as a potential romantic interest and it turns out they just want someone to go fishing/quad-biking/life drawing with. If it then goes pear-shaped you've shat on your own hobby doorstep.

Online dating is a bear bit but at least its pretty clear what people want at the outset.

"I think joining a hobby just to find a partner would be too roundabout a way of doing it for me. You'd end up sizing up every new guy that joined, many of whom might just want to partake in the hobby."

So what though? It's only a problem when people become creepy or sleazy.

"I also think there's just a very high risk of mixed messages and awkwardness: you might think you're getting to know someone as a potential romantic interest and it turns out they just want someone to go fishing/quad-biking/life drawing with."

For many people the 'not a date' thing makes it easier. They can get to know each other with less pressure and attraction can grow from that.

"If it then goes pear-shaped you've shat on your own hobby doorstep."

This is true, but the same with anyone you meet via an existing group of acquaintances.

I'm 45, divorced 5 years ago, and met my boyfriend through a mutual hobby.

I'd looked at OLD several times but never even got as far as chatting. I took up my hobby with no intention of finding a partner and would have definitely rejected my boyfriend's OLD profile for several reasons.

I've been online dating and had a few 'relationships' from it - there are good and bad people on there and there are men whose profile seems to be on every site.

You do need a thick skin.

A friend of mine who was widowed found her husband and married him quite quickly on POF.

Hi all, just read the thread. A bit like @Itsallabitwank I was with someone for 5+yrs who turned into a selfish man baby and ghosted me after becoming a horrible narcissistic man.
Then out of nowhere (as they say) someone messaged me off Fb..had a good couple of months but he became quite controlling and head messing.
So back to square one I am! Can I ask what you put on your profiles please? Like how much detail? It’s hard to know what to put!
thanks

I met my perfectly nice bloke off Bumble. We did chat for a very long time before meeting up, though, but I was happy with that as I wanted to get to know him gradually.

You can also meet people IRL. Maybe take some time to let the dust settle after the end of your previous relationship, then try a mixture of both? Doing OLD in very small doses? And join a hobby group that will help you meet some other people?

I found OLD to be dire. I think that most of the men on those apps are rejects that no one else wants. Many of the ones I talked to were liars, weird, only after a shag, or crazy.

Google ' meetups'. Its brilliant. Lots of different groups for different things. Some are for singles and they are often age group specific so you will meet people just like you. I am not single so don't join those but we are part of a walking/ social group. Lovely people. Several are divorced, just as many male numbers as female. Really easy to meet new people . The organisers are in a relationship. They met in another group and then started their own. Have a look. It's brilliant

Well, don’t do it then.

I tried online dating and met a couple of men but there was no spark and it all felt a bit uncomfortable. 6 months later I went for a drink with a female friend and got chatting to my now DH. It is possible to meet in more ordinary circumstances but easier if your not desperately looking if you see what I mean!

not interested in meeting anyone but thought I’d have a look at a dating site.

Stop wasting everyones time.