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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are kids really different when they're your own?

83 replies

youtown · 09/01/2022 21:19

Just that really.

I'd like to hear from people who don't enjoy kids except their own.

I have decided to have kids but really generally don't find them interesting at all and quite like to escape from others to be honest unless they're quiet and well behaved.

So I'm wandering if others have felt like this had their own and been fine with them because they're 'your own'?

OP posts:
5keletor · 09/01/2022 21:36

I felt like this before having my 2. They're both full of energy and my toddler is really going through the terrible twos just now, but I've never thought they're anything less than the best things ever.
I love seeing how they change and learn so much, almost day to day. It is tiring, my youngest is still a baby, but I am making the most of it as I know I'll be sad when they're more independent and don't need me as much as they do now!

MaybeAMoaner · 09/01/2022 21:38

Me me me!

Always go wild if I see a cute puppy and not really that bothered about babies.

Never been overly maternal or broody.

Yet I have 3 and I love them so much. You love your own because they are a miniature you/your partner.
You get to watch them grow and learn at every single stage.
I wouldn’t be without them.
(They are age 16, 14 & 5)

Siuan · 09/01/2022 21:39

Yes, infinitely.
I was never remotely interested in babies or children. Avoided them at all costs.
It was a gamble having children but my own were uniquely fascinating and I loved every minute of having them.
Now they are grown up my aversion to small children has returned. Grin

Hotyogahotchoc · 09/01/2022 21:40

Why have you decided to have kids?

You must think you'll be more interested in your own unless there's another reason?

RedCandyApple · 09/01/2022 21:41

Ye definitely different, you love your own kids but not other people’s , I’m still not keen on kids but love my own

bedheadedzombie · 09/01/2022 21:43

I don't like my friends kids (theres one exception though), I do like my brothers kids. My own kid, however, is my favourite person in the whole world. She's a genius, I find her funny and loving, she gives the best hugs ever and she's soooooo incredibly beautiful. To me she's breathtaking.

In reality she's probably just a normal one year old, but being so prejudiced make me very happy so I just go with it 😁.

DramaAlpaca · 09/01/2022 21:44

Yes, for sure. My own children are wonderful, amazing and infinitely fascinating. I'm not in the least bit interested in any children who aren't related to me.

TempName01 · 09/01/2022 21:44

Yeah I’m not keen on other people’s kids but I love and like my own even though they can be annoying as fuck 😄

saveforthat · 09/01/2022 21:45

Why have you decided to have children.?

decafforme · 09/01/2022 21:45

Yea without a doubt.

I don't dislike others kids but not that interested for the most part but my own is the best human ever.

MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat · 09/01/2022 21:46

Yes. I was never maternal and always felt awkward around children, even nieces and nephews. I was on the fence about children but DH was very keen so we had Ds1. I took to being a mum a million times better than I thought I would, and went on to have DS2 and now pregnant with my third. I adore my children, they are the most interesting, delightful little people to me. Other people’s children, I am still incredibly meh about.

katmarie · 09/01/2022 21:46

I never minded kids, was happy to cuddle a baby etc but I wasnt wild about them, and I never really connected with kids. I always felt awkward, never knew what to say to a 4 year old etc. I think I must have asked my nephews and nieces 'so, how's school' about a hundred times over the years.

I have a 2 year old and a nearly 4 year old now. We have the most fascinating conversations. They're the most interesting funny little people, and I'm never short of things to say to them. They drive me insane sometimes, but they're so much fun and make me laugh a lot. And I'm fiercely proud of everything they achieve too. Potty training, talking, using a fork, putting on a tshirt. It's all amazing. So yes it's definitely different with your own. I'm also better at talking to kids generally now thanks to my two!

getsanta · 09/01/2022 21:47

Absolutely. I have zero interest in any one else's children, but am very maternal (at least I think I am) with my own.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/01/2022 21:49

Yes I adore my own - I generally don't like kids as a group, and hate being crowded or touched. But I would peel my own skin off and let my climbs climb in permanently.

However I have a fantastic husband who genuinely does half of it all, so I am able to escape for time alone often.

TheNinny · 09/01/2022 21:49

Totally felt this before mine. Loved my nieces and nephews but they would annoy me after a while.

Love my 2yr old girl more than anyone or anything and she can do no wrong in my eyes 😂😂

GrandmasCat · 09/01/2022 21:50

Honestly, the likelihood that you enjoy spending time with your kids when you really don’t like them is quite low.

You would do a lot of stuff for them and with them, and you will do it out of love, but you may still find motherhood boring and unsatisfying even if you are prepared to die for your kids.

Whatever makes you decide to have children, don’t do it because you are asked or expected to, don’t do it because your other half want them, you need to do it because you love the idea of being a mum and I guarantee you, even so, it wouldn’t be necessarily easy.

BurntO · 09/01/2022 21:51

100%. I don’t like kids. Love mine. Love my nieces/nephews in limited quantities. Have no patience for other people’s kids and have no interest. It is very different.

newusername1977 · 09/01/2022 21:51

Definitely, others peoples kids irritated me, or bored me. I didn't feel affection for them, I didn't know how to talk to them.
Loved my own so much I can't even put words to it. I did get to like most of their friends too when I got to know them. Your own kids is a whole different thing.

Bingomangoes · 09/01/2022 21:53

Yep, I used to hide if anyone brought a baby into work, couldn't understand why people brought children into restaurants or took them on planes but then I had mine and I love them beyond measure I've also become very much more tolerant of children in general (eg in restaurants, on planes, crying in supermarkets) but basically still have very little interest in children I'm not related to, I now have nieces and nephews and they're pretty great too.

HeadNorth · 09/01/2022 21:54

The big revelation is that you aren’t having a baby - you are having a person. They will be an adult for far longer than they were a child and as a parent of adult children, I think childhood is in many ways the easy bit.

My point being, you don’t have to be madly into children to be a parent and the childhood bit is the blink of an eye. They bring their own love with them, so don’t worry about that. Just be aware that it will change your life forever.

Willome · 09/01/2022 21:57

My own are great but it's rare I like other people's much. Parties are a challenge but otherwise it's fine.

Okbye · 09/01/2022 21:59

I totally agree, I dislike kids that aren’t mine.

My nieces are the most annoying beings on the planet, I tolerate them because I have to but when I’m around them I wish I could just lock them all in a room far away from me 😄

WakkaWakkaWakka · 09/01/2022 22:00

Yes. I don’t like other peoples children. Literally none of them. Love mine.

1stTimeMama · 09/01/2022 22:01

They are absolutely different! I never really thought I'd have children as I'm not a fan at all of other people's, and now I have 5 and I can't imagine ever not having them.

WimpoleHat · 09/01/2022 22:02

I can’t bear children generally. Still can’t. But think my own two are the most amazing people on this planet and spend as much time with them as possible. It is totally - totally - different with your own kids.