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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are kids really different when they're your own?

83 replies

youtown · 09/01/2022 21:19

Just that really.

I'd like to hear from people who don't enjoy kids except their own.

I have decided to have kids but really generally don't find them interesting at all and quite like to escape from others to be honest unless they're quiet and well behaved.

So I'm wandering if others have felt like this had their own and been fine with them because they're 'your own'?

OP posts:
AliceW89 · 09/01/2022 22:03

I don’t care for other people’s children much because I don’t know their intricacies - the myriad of minor things that makes up a life. I don’t know the cute things they do in the bath or the funny songs they sing in the car or the way they grin when they are eating their favourite food. I adore my own because I know him, all of his quirks and likes and dislikes inside out.

Skeumorph · 09/01/2022 22:05

Yes, absolutely, it's totally different.

Not to say it's not hard in many ways but amazing overall

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 09/01/2022 22:07

I adore my DS15, he’s my favourite human being.

I don’t particularly like other people children, I much prefer dogs.

IsThisAkissingBook · 09/01/2022 22:08

I really dislike other children. I adore my own, but have always been aware that other people may be like me so have never pushed my children onto anyone or bragged about them. I've never held anyone else's baby and could never understand why people wanted to hold mine when they were little. But if someone was to invite me round to meet their cat or dog that's different Smile

3luckystars · 09/01/2022 22:08

If you have a sister or brother (that you like) it’s like those feelings multiplied many times over.

WorriedMillie · 09/01/2022 22:11

I’ve never been a huge fan of children in general, I took a huge risk in deciding to have one, but it’s the best decision I ever made, I love her with every bit of my heart

AlphabetStew · 09/01/2022 22:11

Very, very much so. Spending time around other people's kids really makes me appreciate my own all the more!

MelonTits · 09/01/2022 22:11

Yes.

I did this k this would happen though because I’d always been fine with children in the family, and close friends’ children. My son is still young so it’s like a biological fascination with his development.

Sleepdeprived42long · 09/01/2022 22:13

Weirdly I always loved other peoples babies (and still do) but wasn’t so keen on older children. Had my own and actually enjoy them more now their older than I do when they were babies. Still not fussed on other people’s older kids though Confused I think trust your instinct-do you want to have a child of your own?

Coasterfan · 09/01/2022 22:14

I was the first of my friends and of my generation in both of our families to have children, I had held one baby briefly once before and had zero interest in other peoples children! I got pregnant very quickly and struggled to bond during my pregnancy but the minute they put DD on my tummy i was mum and I absolutely love it. That was 14 years ago and being a mum is the very very best thing I have ever done, We had DS 22 months later. I must say though I m still not fussed by kids in general or other peoples but mine are my absolute world!

Original poster
youtown · 09/01/2022 22:16

A few people asked why I want them. Really because I'd like to grow and nature someone - I also would like to experience what is a major life experience.

It seems weird leaving the world without experiencing something so major.

I don't have a biological urge or calling more a clock ticking feeling.

I also think it's something I'd regret if I chose not to.

OP posts:
Toloveandtowork · 09/01/2022 22:17

People say it's different when they are your own. It is, it's worse because you can't get rid of them😂

Callipygion · 09/01/2022 22:18

Definitely. When work colleagues on mat leave visit with babies, they ask do you want a hold? No thank you, I say. I don’t mind a quick peek but nah not that interested.

Original poster
youtown · 09/01/2022 22:18

@Toloveandtowork lol do you have children?

OP posts:
Original poster
youtown · 09/01/2022 22:18

@Callipygion

Definitely. When work colleagues on mat leave visit with babies, they ask do you want a hold? No thank you, I say. I don’t mind a quick peek but nah not that interested.
I feel exactly like this. I really have no interest or very little.
OP posts:
CakenTea · 09/01/2022 22:27

Yes, I love my kids, but I'm still indifferent about other people's.

I love my parents but I'm indifferent about other random old people too! It's sort of the same! Grin

SeaToSki · 09/01/2022 22:38

The thing about your own children is that you get an intense 24/7 training program on how to manage them 🤣. So you are more invested in doing it well and you are much better at it with them than you would be with any other children.

Then add the genetic/biological imperative of getting them to survive and reproduce themselves and you really dont have much hope of not thinking they are gods gift 😂

Bitbloweyoutthere · 09/01/2022 22:47

Op, I was exactly like you.
Your own kids are way better than other kids, even when they're being annoying.

Although I teach, so sometimes I do wish my kids were a bit more like some of the really great kids I teach. Conversely, other kids make me think mine aren't so bad/immature.

Bitbloweyoutthere · 09/01/2022 22:49

I'm also partial to a cuddle of a baby now for the first time in my life. But I think it's cos mine are almost teens,I have a life again and my ovaries are screaming:"last chance! Last chance!" Even though my head laughs and says:"fuck no. "

TimandGinger · 09/01/2022 22:51

I very rarely like other children. I’m nice to them but I generally find them annoying. However I absolutely love being a parent and my kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me :-) I was never broody but I thought I’d regret not having them. I’ve loved it, even the baby years.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 09/01/2022 22:54

Yep, completely different when they're your own. I wasn't ever fussed about children, still not particularly keen on other people's, but would step out in front of a bus for mine. Completely unconditional love.

DreamboatCharlie · 09/01/2022 22:54

I like my children's best friends as my kids (teenagers) have got good taste in friends and they're lovely, but other than that I'm not bothered but love my own and think they're brilliant

3mealsaday · 09/01/2022 22:58

@Toloveandtowork

People say it's different when they are your own. It is, it's worse because you can't get rid of them😂
Going to agree somewhat with this! I love my DS to pieces, but at the same time I feel so responsible for him and ensuring he turns out to be a decent human being so there's more stress. When my DS has a tantrum because he didn't win or get his favourite colour of balloon, I worry that I'm raising a spoiled, entitled child. When anyone else's child does that, I smile with the parents and say "typical 4 year old behaviour. They're just overwhelmed". There's a detachment there which makes the experience easier, especially given that I like children in generally and don't mind normal child misbehaviour. And although I wouldn't change my DS for the world, neither can he do no wrong in my eyes - he's a normal child with good moments and bad moments and sometimes I lack the patience to deal with the bad moments in the best way. With other children, I can just smile at their antics and don't have to get involved.
whereareyousleep · 09/01/2022 23:00

Definitely for me I haven't ever been very interested in other people kids and I'm still not. I have a 3 and 8 year old and love the bones off them!! When people bring babies to show you (work colleagues for example) I'm a bit like 'yeah lovely' then I'm off!!

I'm still very meh about other kids I don't mind my nieces and nephews buy them nice things and I am kind to them etc but I don't gush over them or feel the need to constantly pick them up etc. it's also helped me to realise whilst I do think my kids are great I don't expect others to I'm not offended when they're not gushed over etc either.

De88 · 09/01/2022 23:02

@youtown

Just that really.

I'd like to hear from people who don't enjoy kids except their own.

I have decided to have kids but really generally don't find them interesting at all and quite like to escape from others to be honest unless they're quiet and well behaved.

So I'm wandering if others have felt like this had their own and been fine with them because they're 'your own'?

I don't like other people's kids... at all. Blush actually that's a lie. Between the 3 of them there are only 2 friends that we actually really like and enjoy the company of. The rest are utter little shits best enjoyed jn very short doses. My own kids are wonderful of course!