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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5 year old in the morning

122 replies

themerrywifeofwindsor · 09/01/2022 07:03

AIBU to think that a 5 year old should be able to amuse themselves quietly in bed in the morning until its time to get up? DD has had a gro clock for years but she totally ignores it. Have bribed her this morning with a sticker chart to stay in bed, which she has done, but has made such a racket that she's woken everyone up anyway. She practically never stays in bed quietly until a reasonable time, she and DS who is nearly 3 tag team and if one of them doesn't wake me up at 5, the other does. It's really affecting how I feel about her as i get startled awake most days and usually start the day feeling pissed off with her

OP posts:

HaveringWavering · 09/01/2022 10:11

@themerrywifeofwindsor

I think I will have to go with the screens then! I'm a bit of a perfectionist, can you tell? Yes I do need to lower my standards and give myself a break. Thank you

Praise the Lord! If it helps, my 5 year old plays chess on his. It doesn't inevitably turn them into jibbering idiots.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 09/01/2022 10:12

@themerrywifeofwindsor

I think I will have to go with the screens then! I'm a bit of a perfectionist, can you tell? Yes I do need to lower my standards and give myself a break. Thank you

Well done.

Honestly - a couple of hours of kids TV in the morning is normal. I always used to get up at 5-6am and watch Barney or TotsTV and Playdays. Then my dad would get up around 7-7.30ish and make me breakfast and we'd get ready and go out and do something.

It was fine and watching kids TV on the weekends didn't destroy my life, I promise

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/01/2022 10:13

Something to do, not some hiking! Much as you’d get some peace if you sent her out hiking first thing not sure if it’d be worth the worry

ldontWanna · 09/01/2022 10:13

@themerrywifeofwindsor

I think I will have to go with the screens then! I'm a bit of a perfectionist, can you tell? Yes I do need to lower my standards and give myself a break. Thank you

You're allowed to do that. Compromise,priorities and lowering certain standards is allowed and makes parenting if not easier, but at least more enjoyable. All you need to be is a good mum, not a perfect mum and I'm sorry to say, but you can't be a good mum if you resent your life/kids. Do what works, if you're all miserable(particularly you), it's not working.

KurtWilde · 09/01/2022 10:33

@themerrywifeofwindsor

I think I will have to go with the screens then! I'm a bit of a perfectionist, can you tell? Yes I do need to lower my standards and give myself a break. Thank you

Sounds like a plan OP. You're being hard on yourself and if you can cut yourself some slack by allowing some screen time then everyone wins and your mornings improve

Justgettingbye · 09/01/2022 10:35

My DD who is 4 always woke up early and expected me and her dad to start playing with her immediately and quite frankly I was not up for playing we're going on a bear hunt at 6am on a Sunday morning. So now she goes down watches CBeebies and has some breakfast and I go back to bed and relax for a bit

LadyCleathStuart · 09/01/2022 11:01

Screens are a lifesaver at times. Don't listen to all the crap about them, as long as you have limits then its fine. My DD is 5 and is currently building a village in minecraft, earlier she was making playdoh cakes, later she will go out for a bike ride, help me plant daffodils and maybe play some basketball with her brother. Balance is key and I get some time to sit and have a coffee in peace. Win win.

bluesky45 · 09/01/2022 11:25

I would start by setting the groclock to a time slightly before she normally wakes. My 4 year old usually wakes around 7 so we started by setting it to 6:45. So woke up and the sun was up and he was successful! And we were able to praise him to "staying in bed til the sun comes up".
Then we gradually moved it by 5mins at a time and until we got to a time we were happy with.
You may also need to adjust bedtime. Everyone says our kids sleep in well at 4 and 2 (their clocks are set for half 7). But they don't go to bed until 8 or half 8. So they sleep around 11 hours. We often get told they sleep in by people whose children go to bed at 7 and wake up at 5:30 or 6 so it's pretty much the same hours they sleep for and we get less evening to have a later start.

Sally872 · 09/01/2022 11:30

@themerrywifeofwindsor

I think I will have to go with the screens then! I'm a bit of a perfectionist, can you tell? Yes I do need to lower my standards and give myself a break. Thank you

Absolutely!!! Do this. You're mental health is important, sleep is important. Feeling like your child is obnoxious or you wish you never had kids is extreme (though many, me included have been there especially when sleep deprived.)

Managing screen time will be a walk in the park compared to how you are feeling just now.

123feraverto · 09/01/2022 12:56

My 3 year old mostly manages to occupy himself until it's time to get up

He knows if the clock in our bedroom has 08:00 on it he can wake us up - generally we are already awake because of the baby but if we've managed to sleep longer he's been very good

ffscovid · 09/01/2022 13:57

@dottiedodah

Shes still only a little girl though .You say she is asleep by 7.30 pm ,by 5.am shes had a good 9 to 9.5 hours! I think if you try a slightly later bedtime it may work .She was probably excited at New year and woke early . Ours didnt wake until about 7am but often not asleep until 9.00 sometimes! Please dont take it personally .She just wants Mummy or Daddy as soon as she is awake is all

My 10 year old sleeps for 10 hours (9pm until 7am). At 5, they were sleeping for 12 hours a night (6:30 or 7 until 7) which is about right for their age.

Caterina99 · 09/01/2022 14:08

My 6 and 4 year old have gro clocks. Thankfully they aren’t super early risers, but the time is set for quite soon after they normally wake up so they aren’t hanging about for hours. I also time their bedtimes so they both wake at a similar time. They have to stay in their rooms quietly and then they’re allowed to go downstairs and watch tv til DH or I get up and do breakfast. It’s not too long though, usually max 30 min on a weekday and an hour ish on a weekend. The 4 year old can’t switch on the tv by herself (need to teach her) but the older one usually does it as he wakes up first.

Previously oldest used to come in to our room and take the iPad off my bedside table once his clock came on. Little one was too young really to be unsupervised and slept later or played in her crib so she was fine. We had to keep the iPad in our room though or he’d be up at 4/5am watching it.

Idontknowlondon · 09/01/2022 15:09

My 6yo was like this. We got really strict with the gro clock. In bed, silent (but could look at a book) until it turned yellow. We generally follow a gentle/ positive parenting philosophy but the sleep deprivation was absolutely killing us. Started off with 5.45 (usual wake up was 5.15-5.30 and we're now at 7am after 4 months. And he's started sleeping longer. We just went in every single time he made a noise and told him it was sleep time for everyone else and it was unfair to wake then up and to be silent. We didn't say "quiet" because DS has no concept of quiet Vs normal volume. And that he had to try and get back to sleep. When we did get up, it was a very quiet/ silent activity sitting down, low light until 6.30. no breakfast until 6.30 etc. Basically make there no point to waking up as it was no different to being in bed. We gradually made the gro clock later.

When DS was still being noisy, we'd still get up at gro clock time, but I'd be "too tired" to do things like get breakfast, or play etc because he'd woken me up. It was a sort of natural consequence. It's taken a few months but honestly, was worth the perseverance.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2022 15:28

I’d bribe for all I’m worth!

People need sleep to function, it’s just basic.

5 should be able to comprehend, although the 3 yo wouldn’t, and I guess if he’s up, she might as well be…

lisaandalan · 09/01/2022 17:53

You are not being realistic and it will not last forever, go to bed earlier yourself so you are not tired and to say it's affecting the way you feel about her is upsetting, your son does it too but no mention of it affecting the way you feel about him, or though it should not affect how you feel about either of them.
Have you got a husband could you not take it in turns to get up and go downstairs quietly and make breakfast put a film on ect.
Also what time do they go to bed. ? X

HolidayNanny · 09/01/2022 18:00

How about a tablet? I'm not a huge fan of screen time for such a young child but if it's the only time she has it all day? You can set a timer on it so it's ONLY usable for say, 6 - 7:30? Set your alarm for 7:20 and wake up in time to feel alert when she comes in to you when it's over, so you won't feel so pissed off.

Alternatively, to you rotate her toys? If you do this and get a new box out for her on Saturday night (after she's gone to bed) for her to discover in the morning hopefully the novelty will keep her busy for longer. 5 is old enough to learn that she'll only get the fun of a newly rediscovered box of toys if she occupies herself with them for a while, but if she's being loud and waking everyone they'll get put right away again. If you don't have room/don't want a lot of toys how about a toy library service, so they're just borrowed?

lisaandalan · 09/01/2022 18:04

Also tell your husband you are going to go to the gym or going to go into town on a Saturday for a few hours on your own to meet up with a friend to have a coffee ect. It may make you feel a bit better to have time to yourself. X

Shinytaps · 09/01/2022 20:40

I feel your pain. My 7 year old will stay in his bed until 6am week days and 7am at the weekend - this is progress! The gro clock didn’t work on him (he just pressed the buttons to make the sun come on) but a digital alarm clock did. Since about age 6ish he has accepted staying in his bed until the times above (still early I know!). At the weekend we let him go down and watch the telly until we get up about 8ish. No amount of physical activity, school, later bedtimes have made any difference. Sending hugs, it’s very draining.

Tal45 · 09/01/2022 20:46

What about ear plugs OP?

lms2017 · 09/01/2022 21:03

My son is 6 now , and he always has woken up at 5 or 5.30 we hear "mummy!!" "Daddy!! and he just wants to be with us and comforted I also would be bored just laying in bed when I'm wide awake. He is just a morning person ! He is shattered and asleep by 8pm latest we have tried leaving him up later , going early etc but nothing worked.

I learnt to accept it instead of getting wound up by it and spent my early mornings either cat napping on the sofa or up and blitzed the house by 7am!

Only just this last month has he been sleeping in till 7! We panicked the first time haha .

I on the other hand cannot sleep in now and lay wide awake from 5am .

They are little their brains have so much going on it put me off having another child especially when he woke 2/3 times a night on top of this .... However here we are expecting no.2 !X

Muchtoomuchtodo · 09/01/2022 21:09

@CurryLover55

Muchtoomuchtodo I had a little smile at “ click”

Blinking autocorrect 🤣

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 09/01/2022 21:45

I’m a real shit if I’ve been startled awake so I get you OP. I get pissed off if I’m forced out of bed before 6.50am, I’m not one of those jump out of bed types. I also have 2 kids and work FT with a hands on DH but it’s still hard. Give your child the tablet before you run yourself into the ground. Your child will benefit more from a mummy who doesn’t resent them than having zero screen time.

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