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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

5 year old in the morning

122 replies

themerrywifeofwindsor · 09/01/2022 07:03

AIBU to think that a 5 year old should be able to amuse themselves quietly in bed in the morning until its time to get up? DD has had a gro clock for years but she totally ignores it. Have bribed her this morning with a sticker chart to stay in bed, which she has done, but has made such a racket that she's woken everyone up anyway. She practically never stays in bed quietly until a reasonable time, she and DS who is nearly 3 tag team and if one of them doesn't wake me up at 5, the other does. It's really affecting how I feel about her as i get startled awake most days and usually start the day feeling pissed off with her Sad

OP posts:
Indecisivelurcher · 09/01/2022 07:58

My youngest is 4.5 and is always up at 6 on the dot, when the sun comes up on his gro clock. He used to be up at 5 so although I hate 6am, I'm taking it as a win. When he was set at 5am I could get him to stay in his bed was putting an audio book on my phone for him.

Greenrubber · 09/01/2022 07:59

My 4 year old just watched the new sonic film in bed on her ipad as she woke early

She only woke me up 20 min ago because it had finished! Must find longer film next time Hmm

Pearlpink · 09/01/2022 07:59

My daughter is now 6 but has been able to play quietly in a morning for a while it's only because she copied her older brothers and now just does it automatically.

SquirrelFan · 09/01/2022 08:02

@Hedonism

Hmm. My ds was like this. I found it much easier when I managed to accept that that was just how it was, rather than starting each day with disappointment.
This ^. It was awful for a long time, then I just resigned myself to it. Strong coffee, early bedtime (for me). Tbh, now that she sleeps till 2pm (17yrs), never leaves her room, and snarls at me when I do see her, I am grateful that I had that time with her!
grey12 · 09/01/2022 08:03

If she comes to your bed is she quiet? DD1 (same age) very occasionally does that. She's very quiet and cuddly Smile

Original poster
themerrywifeofwindsor · 09/01/2022 08:03

@HalloHello this morning it was aggressively hitting the buttons on her iggle piggle boat light show thing, and flicking her lamp on and off, with the switch on the cable banging on the bedside table every time she did it. Just really obnoxious, unnecessary noises!

Yes, part of the problem is my expectations, and i shouldn't let it get to me, but the early starts are killing me. I do already go to bed early and have done since DD was born, as I do need a lot of sleep. The worst thing is that I get shouted or startled awake a lot of the time, and I think most People would start the day grumpy in those circumstances!

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 09/01/2022 08:03

I think it's awful that you said it's changing the way you feel about her...

You can't force her to stay in bed when she's awake with nothing to do.

Babyfg · 09/01/2022 08:07

Could you leave something that entertains her where she can grab it. I leave my 4 and 5 year old tablets in my bedroom and they can come in and get them to take back to their rooms and watch Netflix in in the morning. I used to get up and watch cartoons on the morning so feel like letting them watch cartoons on their tablet is similar. Or a book or toy set or whatever entertains her for a bit?

I wouldn't expect them to stay quietly in their room staring at the walls, I think even grown ups would struggle with that.

Original poster
themerrywifeofwindsor · 09/01/2022 08:07

@grey12 hahaha hahaha NO

She wriggles, kicks, pokes you in the ears or nose, won't shut up and is generally annoying.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 09/01/2022 08:08

@themerrywifeofwindsor are you a single parent?

Fridafever · 09/01/2022 08:11

A friend of mine has 3 small children and keeps iPads and individual brioche things in her bedside table. Hands them out and goes back to sleep!

HaveringWavering · 09/01/2022 08:12

What time does she go to bed? My 5 year old hasn’t woken before 7 for at least a year, but he isn’t generally asleep till 8:45. He does have a Gro clock and is good at staying in his room if he wakes before the sun appears on it, but I don’t think he’s doing that for all that long.

Would she come in and cuddle with you from her earlier wake?

MaizeAmaze · 09/01/2022 08:12

What time are you expecting her to stay in bed til? Mine are bigger now, but we had 2 times: one that they could put the light on, one that they could actually get up and naked noise. Over the years, we are now at read from 6.30, up from 7am - and mine are now 12 and 10. I remember the dark days of read from 5 45, up at 6.15 - and that was them usually waking around 5am.

I'd suggest several things:
Later bedtime
Realistic time for her to be able to get up given her wake time
Realistic time after that where you can be disturbed.
Continue with the sticker rewards
Tell her the night before who she is to wake (ie Mum or Dad) the following morning, unless she is old enough to come down stairs and put the TV on herself - keep an war out the first few weeks, I discovered DS watching TV at 4am once!

Good luck

HaveringWavering · 09/01/2022 08:13

Cross post re the cuddle!

Woodlandwater · 09/01/2022 08:15

My 6yo is now at the stage where she sometimes plays in her room, but her little brother still comes in with us from about 3am and she gets FOMO so ends up waking everyone, including 2yo. We told her to go down and put the TV on for them both this morning which worked for about 3 mins before 2 year old was screaming and they were arguing about what to watch.

MsChatterbox · 09/01/2022 08:15

My 4 year old is the same. He trots downstairs at 5am goes in the kitchen and gets breakfast and then plays with his toys! I'm awake listening out but I'm usually cuddling my 1 year old asleep so don't get up until she wakes up about 6!

Original poster
themerrywifeofwindsor · 09/01/2022 08:17

She is usually asleep by 7:30 and doesn't lie in even if we keep her up later. On new years day she didn't go to sleep until about 10 and she still woke early.

A few people have mentioned giving her something to do, but she is also totally incapable of amusing herself with anything for even a short time. She doesn't play and isn't interested in teddies, looking at books, drawing or anything really. I know a tablet would work, she would happily stare mindlessly at a screen for hours but I don't want her to have one, as we'd never get her off it and I'm trying to encourage her to do other things.

OP posts:
EarlGreywithLemon · 09/01/2022 08:17

How about a later bedtime?

LadyCleathStuart · 09/01/2022 08:17

My DS(8) was a veru early riser until quite recently. Paired with my DD who would sleep later but be awake 10 times through the night and we were beyond exhausted.

We ended up getting him a kindle fire and sitting ot next to his bed and telling him that if he woke up before it was time to get up (7am) he could watch something on it or play one of his games. It worked a treat and we set it to kids profile so he could only access appropriate things. I know some people are stricter on screen time though but we needed something and that worked for us.

girlmom21 · 09/01/2022 08:20

You keep saying "we" so surely the logic explanation is one of you gets up on a Saturday with her and the other gets up on a Sunday?

NashvilleQueen · 09/01/2022 08:21

I know it's hard when you're sleep deprived but it's not really her fault and you can't call her behaviour as obnoxious.

Can you go to bed earlier for the time being so you're still getting the same amount of sleep?

Sally872 · 09/01/2022 08:22

We have grow clock and my 6 year old knows he can play quietly when sun on his clock, before that back to sleep.

If the clock still blue there was little interaction and just told its night time go back to sleep. Can't sleep then lie still and quietly with your eyes closed until you do, count to 100 in your head etc.

Also at weekend when sun on clock I do allow him to watch his tablet which he will happily do quietly and doesn't make a lot of noise.

Your expectations aren't too high at all. She will get there soon.

Original poster
themerrywifeofwindsor · 09/01/2022 08:23

@girlmom21 no, married. DH is great and very hands on and we take turns having a lie in at the weekend. He's a heavy sleeper though, whereas I am a light sleepy and quite nervy so I'm wide awake at the slightest noise. So even on my lie in days, I'm awake first

Believe me, I do feel awful about resenting her for it, but I really do think that at this age she should know better and be able to keep quiet for a bit

OP posts:
NashvilleQueen · 09/01/2022 08:23

Also if part of it is the fact that she startles you maybe have some sort of quiet alarm of your own (radio or an audio book) on very low so that at least the first thing you experience isn't a poke in the eye!

It will get better OP.

HaveringWavering · 09/01/2022 08:23

You need to persist with a later bedtime, the shift in hours will take a while to kick in. She must be tired at school if she is awake at 5.

As for

I know a tablet would work, she would happily stare mindlessly at a screen for hours but I don't want her to have one, as we'd never get her off it and I'm trying to encourage her to do other things.

Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. Of course you can get a 5 year old off a tablet. You just take it away and ignore the whining. Also she may play games on it, not just stare mindlessly at the screen. And during the week she is doing non-tablet things all day at school. And you’ll be in much better shape to facilitate non-tablet activity if you are not in a bad mood from an early wake.