Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To help me make some friends (Absolutely desperate here…)

78 replies

Ifonlyicouldhaveafriend · 08/01/2022 21:19

I’ve never been good at making friends. I had a best friend in primary school and one best friend in secondary. I’ve moved abroad after high school and worked my way up on the ladder, so I never went to uni/collage.

I’ve made some friends but nothing solid and all of the frizzled out. I have a boyfriend we’ve been together for quite some time (8 years). Since I met him I really didn’t make an effort to find or make friends. I’m now 30 and have absolutely no friends whatsoever. It doesn’t help that I’m not a very social person. I’m more of a homie and get lost in my thoughts a lot. But I’m lonely… and feel extremely jealous when I walk pass a restaurant and see some girlfriends having dinner and all. I feel extremely stuck and really don’t know what to do. Please help. I’m feeling so lonely!

OP posts:
Sheabutterisdelish · 08/01/2022 21:21

Do you have any interests? Something low key that you could join locally?

AndSoFinally · 08/01/2022 21:22

Where about are you? That will help us advise I think

haribofiend · 08/01/2022 21:23

Can you volunteer somewhere of an evening /weekend?

KnobJockey · 08/01/2022 21:23

What have you tried so far? Why have your previous friendships fizzled ou? Have you tried getting in touch with them in a casual manmer- hi, how are you, not seen you in ages, fancy a catch up? I would suggest this for almost any friendship that hasn't ended in a row.

srcfal · 08/01/2022 21:23

Hello :) I know exactly how you feel I'm exactly the same. Am 32 and have had some unfortunate events happen in the past year.. and that's when I realised I had no one to help or support me.. I don't have much advice as otherwise I wouldn't be in the same
Predicament... but it's not just you.. I am sure of it. I'll be following this for the same reasons. Single mum with a full time job doesn't allow for much time for me xx

Justkeeppedaling · 08/01/2022 21:25

Volunteer. For anything that takes your fancy.
Or join the WI, or the Soroptomists, or the Red Hatters, or U3A if you're old enough

Find out what's going on in your local area and join the carnival committee or Covid helpers, or the local litter pickers, or anything really.

andysgirl22 · 08/01/2022 21:25

I don't really have any advice OP as I'm really similar but i could not read and run. Are you open to online friends / a pen pal situation to start you off ? As if so here i am your new buddy lol .
I think in terms of finding friends near to you maybe work or trying a new hobby group? Does your partner have any friends who also have a partner so the four of you could go somewhere and then if you hit it off with the girlfriend then hopefully that could develop into a friendship? I think building a true and meaningful relationship takes time though so please don't feel upset or like there is a problem with you at all if it doesn't happen instantly with someone you meet. X

Royalbloo · 08/01/2022 21:26

I'll be your friend (I'm an excellent friend) haha! Where are you based?

Original poster
Ifonlyicouldhaveafriend · 08/01/2022 21:26

I’m based in Hertfordshire. I have some interest but they are mostly things that you would do by yourself, not really a group activity. I don’t know how to explain but I would like if I could have some (or one) friends to go to have drinks with or coffee or talk or anything really. I’ve tried to join a yoga class a couple of years ago but no one talked unless they knew each other.

I know this may sound ridiculous, but I am heartbroken 😞

OP posts:
PappaPaddy · 08/01/2022 21:27

This sounds really upsetting for you OP. Do you have any hobbies you might like to try? Any interests? Things like rambling/ walking groups? Do you and your boyfriend socialise with friends or partners?
Perhaps give us some ideas of what you are interested in or may like and we'll try to offer some more productive suggestions.

Royalbloo · 08/01/2022 21:27

Maybe we could start a WhatsApp group for people who feel they don't have many friends? Like Mumsnet but smaller?

NotebookVsDiaries · 08/01/2022 21:27

I would advise joining in with hobby groups.

There's always local running groups or book clubs.
Work out what you love doing and join in some local groups or meet ups. Even if you don't make friends for ages it will give you something to do outside of your dp.

MustDust · 08/01/2022 21:27

I'm not an expert but I moved and didn't know anyone, so decided to do some things that interested me, a hobby and night school and met some people that way. At least you'll have similar interests so might be worth thinking about?

Royalbloo · 08/01/2022 21:27

I'm in Hertfordshire! I'll message you.

TheBugHouse · 08/01/2022 21:29

I go to WI and one of a younger group there. it’s fantastic for making friends. There’s so much going on every week. Cinema night. Meals. Crafting. Sports groups, darts, badminton and volunteering… try it, you might surprise yourself and there will be others your age too.

Royalbloo · 08/01/2022 21:30

You could even be in the same town/village as me...

Charley50 · 08/01/2022 21:30

Could you join a book group or walking group? Do you have neighbours you could invite round for coffee and cake, or a drink?

OldTinHat · 08/01/2022 21:34

I moved somewhere where I knew absolutely nobody three years ago. I volunteered and also joined a Meetup group (you can google them for where you are). Within weeks knew more people than I knew from where I had lived before for 35yrs! They have all become wonderful friends.

Its takes effort but it's worth it! Take the plunge OP.

Royalbloo · 08/01/2022 21:35

Have sent you a message. I seem to collect people who are having a shit time or lonely and we now have such a lovely bunch of odd and loving friends. You're welcome to join in, if you wish x

PappaPaddy · 08/01/2022 21:36

@Royalbloo

Maybe we could start a WhatsApp group for people who feel they don't have many friends? Like Mumsnet but smaller?
Do you know I've just thought the same thing. There seems to be lots of these threads cropping up lately. I know Winter months may play a part in that, as people tend to hibernate. There seems a few people may benefit. Does MN have and sub forums do you know that may be similar? I might have a poke around. 🧐🧐🧐
nonevernotever · 08/01/2022 21:40

That's lovely royalbloo. I could have written something like this 25 years ago. I'm in Edinburgh so no help, but I think the people suggesting joining groups and getting in touch with previous friends both sound possible. That's where my small handful of close friends came from - 2 school friends that I contacted, one neighbour with whom I clicked and two people I met through hobbies.

LosingTheWill2 · 08/01/2022 21:42

There is a young lady to me who started a fb group. It was so surprising the amount of locals who were lonely and for various reasons, hadn’t made friends locally. We now meet regularly for meals and day trips. Daily walks and chats. It is amazing what can happen when you are honest and put yourself out there. If you can’t find one locally, start one yourself. This one was started by one lonely lady who just wanted to meet someone to have a walk in the park with. Good luck 💐

whirlycarly · 08/01/2022 21:42

It's not just you. I thought I had some close friends but have been horribly let down by a couple of people lately.

I'd love a bunch of straightforward, funny, kind, friendly types.

Freelady · 08/01/2022 21:43

Is there a local mumsnet group.. see mumsnet catagories on here.
Also meet ups?
Also volunteer for a thing.that intrests you... like mindes people will be there.

JustSinginIntheRain · 08/01/2022 21:45

My daughter is fairly near your age and moved to a new area. She joined a walking group, a gym and a bookclub and has new friends.