To help me make some friends (Absolutely desperate here…)

[Ifonlyicouldhaveafriend]

I’ve never been good at making friends. I had a best friend in primary school and one best friend in secondary. I’ve moved abroad after high school and worked my way up on the ladder, so I never went to uni/collage.

I’ve made some friends but nothing solid and all of the frizzled out. I have a boyfriend we’ve been together for quite some time (8 years). Since I met him I really didn’t make an effort to find or make friends. I’m now 30 and have absolutely no friends whatsoever. It doesn’t help that I’m not a very social person. I’m more of a homie and get lost in my thoughts a lot. But I’m lonely… and feel extremely jealous when I walk pass a restaurant and see some girlfriends having dinner and all. I feel extremely stuck and really don’t know what to do. Please help. I’m feeling so lonely!

Meet-up look at you local meet-up Facebook page.

You may need to accept that you do things you normally wouldnt .. eg i joined the wi when.new to the area.

PappaPaddy if we messaged and swapped numbers then we could all help those near us? We don't need a special app, just the willingness to say hello x

Thank you so much all. It’s really depressing and finding it very difficult to gather the courage to socialise. I’ve been bullied before that scarred me quite badly… it’s interesting how experiences from 10-20 years still keep coming back.

My partner is extremely social, he has lots of friends but not where we live. They do have partners and every now and then (not since Covid though) there is a few things a year (2-3 times)

Thanks for the lovely words and sorry to hear that so many feel the same.

@Royalbloo I’ll get back to you know x

Do you hope to have children? Only honestly most of my friends now are people I met at baby groups, nursery drop off, etc etc

What is ‘WI’?

Of all the exercise groups that I have joined that have led to making friendships beyond the class it has been aqua - as you are bobbing around you get to chat.

Are you open to religion? Churches can be ready made welcoming communities.

Peanut app also is a good way of meeting local mums.

I'm in Herts too so feel free to message- I'm around Rickmansworth
/St Albans

www.meetup.com/ is a fantastic way to find groups - some are interest based, others are more general (e.g. there's one near me called 20s & 30s social group).

WI is the Women's Institute. link

I have lots of friends but none locally so I started a book club. Put a posting on a local FB site saying PM me if interested. (So nobody else would know if nobody replied!!) A lot did but a handful actually turned up and it's lovely.

Sometimes the mountain won't go to Muhammed...

WI is the womens insitute. I noticed in my group there were several new to the area women. In between meetings sub .groups met for spefic things as well as social lunches each month.in addition people met coffee or evenings at members houses.
I am not sure town has a wi.. i think townswomens guild is a thing too.. to be honest ,they are not always that intresting.. I used to.be the ' naughty' girl.talking at rhe back! But it did help.

Book club :) I know so many people now!
Got a dog… I know everyone now 😂😂😂

Also the Nextdoor app, is a locally-based app. Someone recently joined my local one and mentioned she would like some new friends. Loads of people got in touch with her and they arranged a meet up.

I’m in Herts Op and happy to volunteer friendship x

Some really good ideas on here. I've found a local yoga class and a meet up group so far. The local boards are so quiet though. I need some mid Cornwall people! The latest thread is ancient.

Trouble is I'm quite a shy person who presents as confident, especially at work, where I have to be. There's so many swimming groups round here and I'm utterly terrified to go. I need to get a grip.

I'd love to make more friends, I am in a horrible relationship which I plan to get out of soon, but in the meantime, I'd love to just meet some new friends. I work alone from home and have some acquaintances, but everyone has their family nearby.

I was close to my mum and she died in 2020, my sister and one good friend live a long way away. My 3 dds are grown up and living away, we are close but I refuse to be a needy mum- they have their own lives.

Is there a local womens FB group near you? I know there’s a couple in my area and there’s regular events & meet ups for drinks/coffee/walks.

If you’re into outdoor activities look up the ‘Love her wild’ website & local FB groups.

I joined the WI a few years ago, and I’ve made loads of new friends through that and there’s lots of arranged activities so you can easily go along on your own - in fact the vast majority of people go alone to start with there’s tonnes of groups with a real mix of ages.

I think making friends is like employment. Easier to get if you’ve already got one. I say that from a low self-esteem perspective.
The people trying to help by essentially saying ‘just get a hobby’ (fortunately for them), just don’t get it

I saw a similar posts to yours on the app "Nextdoor", it's a National app but links you to your area and surrounding areas. It turned out lots of people were in the same position and they started a WhatsApp group. Why not try that?

Oh I understand this. I lost my close friends when I met my now husband since I no longer wanted to drink every weekend and go clubbing and saved my money to go on nice dates and holidays with my husband instead.

I have come to learn from loosing friends throughout the years that it happens and sometimes you have friends with you on certain journeys in life and not in others.

Anyway to get to making new friends... I recently moved out of London to Essex a new area to me and my husband and I joined a local area Facebook group and someone put out a post similar to yours about making friends - this post got about 100 comments of girls in similar situations to you (and me!). From that post we had a WhatsApp group and then did some meet ups and I now have found 2 really close friends and we meet up once or twice a week sometimes!

I also don't really have any hobbies so found this really hard! In your thirties making friends seems so much harder. But there's other girls out there like us, and I guess what you need is a group local to you put a post out and see what happens!

Also your more than welcome to dm me I'm always open to chat!

@Lolalovesroses

I saw a similar posts to yours on the app "Nextdoor", it's a National app but links you to your area and surrounding areas. It turned out lots of people were in the same position and they started a WhatsApp group. Why not try that?

Next door is another good idea to a Facebook group for your area - I also use this!

I’m Herts as well. Netball was my savior when I moved here, might not be your bag though, if you’re interested feel free to pm me. (Even if you’re not into the netball idea)

Did you play any sports or do any activities at school? Netball? Hockey? There are Back to Netball and Back to Hockey clubs - for all abilities.

Back to Netball has given me a great group of female friends I catch up with to laugh, swear and throw a ball around with.

Local drama group - back stage/props if you don't want to be on stage.

I moved cities a few years ago and I had to make an effort to get out there to meet people.

Alternatively, do you draw or write - could you join a writing class at your local college - another good way to meet like-minded people.

Facebook is a bit shite these days - but useful for local hobbies and stuff - maybe see if there is anything around that appeals?

And what about work - are there any people you may enjoy the odd coffee with?