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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH against me working

86 replies

PinkSo · 07/01/2022 19:37

I've been wfh for the last 3 years, like many of us.

However, before this I worked for my DH's business.

I've had two miscarriages in the last two years. I've worked for him throughout this time, obviously I've had time off and he's been fully supportive in regards to this.

I applied for a job today which means working outside of the home. He wasn't happy. He has heard of lots of "parties" in this industry and doesn't want me to be a part of that.

It's a professional and well sought after job. Am I going crazy? I said I wouldn't continue with my application, however, I want to.

OP posts:
FeckTheMagicDragon · 07/01/2022 19:40

It’s your career, not his - if you want to do the job, do it!

FeckTheMagicDragon · 07/01/2022 19:40

Does he want to keep you tied down and depending on him?

NotTheGrinchAgain · 07/01/2022 19:41

"Parties"? What kind of job is it?

Look, he may be worried about your welfare, rather than being controlling. Try to find out what is really worrying him.

I think a lot of people have become a bit too used to being home bodies. He probably likes the comfy routines of being home with you. But you're allowed to want something different.

Talk to him calmly about it and apply anyway.

Parker231 · 07/01/2022 19:41

If you want the job apply for it - why does your DH decide? Do you decide where he works?

Original poster
PinkSo · 07/01/2022 19:42

@FeckTheMagicDragon I don't know. He's been happy with me wfh. Now, I think he's very against me working somewhere else.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 07/01/2022 19:43

Don't be cowed! Apply!

SunshineOnKeith · 07/01/2022 19:44

It's convenient for him to keep you under his control

A true partner would support you to grow and develop your skills, not try and keep you under control and dependent.

LethargicActress · 07/01/2022 19:44

Why did you say you’d stop applying? What will he do if you don’t, and what real difference does it make to him whether you wfh or not?

Tillymintpolo · 07/01/2022 19:44

If you’re at home he can keep an eye on you, this is about controlling you

user114653217696248626 · 07/01/2022 19:44

Why did you say you wouldn't continue your application?

SunshineOnKeith · 07/01/2022 19:44

Do you get a say in what he does and where he works?
I doubt it

mrsfurrycat · 07/01/2022 19:46

@SunshineOnKeith

Do you get a say in what he does and where he works? I doubt it
This!

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages, OP.

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/01/2022 19:46

Apply for the job, if you get an interview discuss the hours and expectations, make a decision from there.

If he means he’s not keen because the work life balance is crap and you’re likely to have to spend a lot of time after work socialising and networking then I can see his point: when dating I avoided men who did jobs involving shift work and I’d be pretty vocal about not being keen if DP wanted to take a shift job or one which required lots of post-office networking to get on. It doesn’t fit with what I want from a relationship.

Original poster
PinkSo · 07/01/2022 19:47

@NotTheGrinchAgain it's a job within law enforcement. Apparently he knows loads of people in the industry who cheat and engage in Debaucherous behaviour

OP posts:
BelindaBumcrack · 07/01/2022 19:48

Apply! Parties?

If my DH told me not to apply for a job because there might be 'parties' he'd be sleeping in the garage.

A marriage is a partnership. What exactly is he worried about?

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 07/01/2022 19:49

Do you keep the house tidy and make the tea each evening?

RandomMess · 07/01/2022 19:50

He likes you at home where he can monitor your every move it seems.

WorriedGiraffe · 07/01/2022 19:51

Only explanation is that he doesn’t trust you and is trying to control you, it’s worrying that you agreed to not apply! Apply for the job you want, if he is a partner worth having he will support you, if he doesn’t support you then atleast you’ve have a good job and can leave!

Original poster
PinkSo · 07/01/2022 19:51

God, I sound like an idiot. No, he does most of the housework. I think he's got used to me being at home and feels weird about me being out of the house.

I want to get out, but I don't want to argue about it :(

OP posts:
inheritancetrack · 07/01/2022 19:51

This is controlling behaviour. Tied to the home or tied to his business. Take the job.

Paq · 07/01/2022 19:52

You need to have an honest conversation with him about it, assuming he is not controlling or abusive?

SmallElephant · 07/01/2022 19:53

This would be a red flag for me OP. He sounds controlling and jealous.

I bet you'd never think of saying the same to him about applying for a job, would you?

Please apply.

user1471442488 · 07/01/2022 19:55

@PinkSo

God, I sound like an idiot. No, he does most of the housework. I think he's got used to me being at home and feels weird about me being out of the house.

I want to get out, but I don't want to argue about it :(

You don’t have to argue about it. Tell him it’s your career and you’re taking the job. He doesn’t get to say no about this.

If you back down because you want to avoid an argument when he’s being unreasonable then he’ll walk over you your whole life. Your choice really…

Fallagain · 07/01/2022 19:55

What he is saying is he doesn’t trust you to go to parties and not cheat on him.

NothingIsWrong · 07/01/2022 19:55

Police staff? I know a few and honestly they are just normal people like everyone else 🤷‍♀️

Some will cheat, some won't, some will party and some won't.

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