To stop BF to TTC?

[cheezandbeanz]

I'm in a real pickle here.

My baby has just turned one and still feeding from me a lot. I have always fed on demand and am still doing so. I am his comfort, his milk source, and safe to say he loves a boob. He feeds round the clock, and is starting to eat more solids but I'd say is still taking 70% of his calories through my breast milk.

My periods haven't returned, but I am really keen to TTC #2. We don't have age on our side (I'm just turned 35), it may take a while to conceive (though it didn't first time around luckily) and I really would like our babies close together.

I don't know whether it would be awful to stop breastfeeding my son in order to TTC his sibling or whether I just wait and he may self wean? I just can't see it happening any time soon. I've had no hint of a period as yet :-(

It feels I'm doing my son a disservice by taking his boobs away when he isn't ready. But I know a year is a great amount of time and he's had a brilliant start.

I'm just really torn!

Any experience/advice welcome!

He’s one, he doesn’t need to feed from you round the clock, he’s using you as a comforter!

Agreed @emmathedilemma - but how do I break the habit? It's all either of us have known!

Maybe I would continue to feed him till 18 months or even two years as WHO recomends. And have unprotectes sex during that time. Ovulation can come before first menstruation. You could wean him gradually and gently.

I would but his milk down and try to conceive at the same time. I because pregnant three times in my 40's whilst breastfeeding!

You either go cold turkey at night or knock one feed off at a time. Either the first of the vending/night wake ups or the early l morning one. Then systematically knock a feed off. You can do it but it takes grit and determination and then you have to be bothered to have sex!😆

DS was 15 months when we wanted to try for another baby. I found that just cutting out a couple
of feeds in the day kickstarted my period. He fed a lot but didn’t seem bothered about cutting down. Rocked him to sleep in his pram and offered water / food if he asked for milk in the day. I properly weaned as it hurt so much by 12 weeks pregnant.

So many typos sorry... I'm sat feeding in the dark now!

In December my baby was sleeping in my bed all night and feeding continually from a boob buffet. Now they sleep on the cot and wake up at 4:30am. I feel that's a great improvement.

@pompomsgalore thanks - re the night weaning, this would be my preference but we co sleep and he's on and off the boob all night. He's going to be very, very upset, and I'm such a softie when it comes to him! Any tips for me?

I just want my cycle back, then I'd happily keep breastfeeding :(

It's never unreasonable to stop breastfeeding when it no longer suits both parties.

Have you been TTC already?
Totally up to you what you want to do but if you're asking what others would do, I'd maybe give it a little longer? Much easier to wean an 18 month old. A year seems so little.
I fell pregnant whilst still bf.

@Stellaroses no we haven't... we cosleep and haven't really got back in to the swing of things so to speak. Also I have zero sex drive (I guess a side effect of bf) - but definitely keen to start getting back to it soon!

But yes I would cut down a bit, definitely. That may be enough.

So you could have the best of both worlds if you cut out night feeds and co-sleeping, but still feed in the day? Or are you planning to keep co-sleeping and fitting sex in some other way?

Everyone is different and so my experience will mean nothing but I will share anyway as an example.
I had DC1 at 37. I breastfed on demand and periods came back after 15 months. I conceived 3 months later but sadly miscarried. I then conceived 5 months later and had DC 2 at the age of 40.
I continued breastfeeding through pregnancy and tandem fed for three months before DC1 stopped.

Like I say - just my experience.

Good luck OP. It's a tough decision. You need to do what's right for you and your family.

I'm also really unsure how to know if he's getting ENOUGH milk? Like if I cut feeds out, how do I know he's getting what he needs? It's a minefield! He's pretty small (still in some 6-9m clothing!) so I am scared to remove feeds incase he slows down weight gain. The overnight feeds are 100% for comfort just little snack feeds so I guess that's where I need to start!

Do you see your HV for weight checks? Is he following his line? If yes then he's getting enough milk. Feed him a high fat diet.

Do you want to continue to co-sleep? Cutting down on feeds when your food supply is next to you at eye level is hard.

Can he go to sleep in his cot as a start and what about day time naps in there too?

I started replacing feeds with snacks in the day but I also fed to a schedule rather than on demand after DD moved properly to 3 meals a day and I was confident that she was getting calories etc through food. Was lucky and dropped night feeds fairly easily as I realised she really just wanted a cuddle rather than milk- gave her water and she was fine with that. Ended up with just a morning and bedtime feed, dropped the morning one then eventually the bedtime one at 21 months. She wasn't bothered (which I was slightly offended by ) so it was the right time for us.

I conceived whilst feeding DS1 and DS2. I second the advice to just try whilst feeding snd set a goal to cut down. I find cutting down around 18 months with the day feeds is much easier then as they respond well to “milk is only for bed”. Then from
18m - 2 just feed at night or to sleep etc. You might find cutting back helps enough, or you might find you don’t need to cut back at all.

As someone who has BF in the way you are describing and it sounds emotionally
Important to you - I fully understand the dilemma. I just reasoned with myself
I would feel very guilty and sad if I stopped BF DS earlier and then for some reason couldn’t have another. It’s a very personal thing and I think the best thing to do is hedge bets a little and take things down slowly and assess each time.

@pompomsgalore more than happy to continue to cosleep, or not, I don't really mind. He has daytime naps in his cot (albeit very short ones if he's on his own bless him!) and he goes in to his bed at the start of the night until about 10pm when I go to bed and he normally wakes about then and I bring him in with me.

Yes he's following his weight line, he's just always been little! I guess if I cut out feeds, I just need to keep a close eye on his weight!

I stopped breastfeeding at 13 months to help TTC (my periods had returned at 6 weeks but were not the most fertile couples)

Tbh, you need him in his own room so you and your DH can TTC and get him more independent in readiness for his sibling.

I suggest dropping feeds by offering snacks and water in the day. He will protest at first but that just because it's not quite what he wants. As the source you get to decide when the tap goes off. Now he's 1 he doesn't need milk. He can get all he needs from his food and he will if milk is no longer there.

You might find just reducing the feeding a bit brings back their periods. You might also find that he self weans when you're pregnant.

If it helps at all - one of the things that helped me stop 'early' with my eldest was the knowledge my second would be my last and I could feed them as long as I wanted. We went to 17 months before she self weaned

I fell pregnant 3 months after having dd despite ebf 😣 but yes I nothing wrong with stopping now

I would cut down but not stop. By the sounds of it, you would feel guilty about stopping altogether. And it may do you some good to get him slightly weaned off anyway.

For what it's worth my 16 month old still breast feed around the clock, definitely just for comfort but I don't see it as a big problem although I would like it to reduce a bit. I am currently pregnant with my second so breastfeeding didn't effect it at all. Although my periods came back at 8 months ish postpartum. I believe my period came back because I massively reduced breastfeeding at that time as I wanted to quit. I decided not to quit in the end and daughter went back to feeding around the clock but my periods remained.... so maybe your answer is to reduce for a while to see if your period comes back and then resume feeding at whatever level you want to.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 I'm definitely very emotionally invested, I love breastfeeding and have enjoyed the experience, I'm very proud of us and I love the little moments. Even the thought of stopping makes me want to cry. But at the same time I want my DS to have a sibling and I'm worried time is ticking. But some of these posters have really made me think maybe I have a little more time than I thought. Amazing to read all of your experiences

@miltonj that's great to know, thank you!

My periods changed when I cut out night feeds so I think night weaning may be a good compromise for you. You have to get your partner to comfort him whenever he wakes up and he will eventually stop

@Twizbe does he not need milk at all now he's one? I didn't know that and had no idea what he 'should' be having milk wise now, so that's really interesting!