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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop BF to TTC?

85 replies

cheezandbeanz · 07/01/2022 18:13

I'm in a real pickle here.

My baby has just turned one and still feeding from me a lot. I have always fed on demand and am still doing so. I am his comfort, his milk source, and safe to say he loves a boob. He feeds round the clock, and is starting to eat more solids but I'd say is still taking 70% of his calories through my breast milk.

My periods haven't returned, but I am really keen to TTC #2. We don't have age on our side (I'm just turned 35), it may take a while to conceive (though it didn't first time around luckily) and I really would like our babies close together.

I don't know whether it would be awful to stop breastfeeding my son in order to TTC his sibling or whether I just wait and he may self wean? I just can't see it happening any time soon. I've had no hint of a period as yet :-(

It feels I'm doing my son a disservice by taking his boobs away when he isn't ready. But I know a year is a great amount of time and he's had a brilliant start.

I'm just really torn!

Any experience/advice welcome!

OP posts:
JustWonderingIfYou · 07/01/2022 20:40

Night weaning should give you back your periods

M1RR0R · 07/01/2022 20:45

My periods came back at 14 months even with feeding round the clock. Maybe give it a couple more months?
You sound like you love breastfeeding, I do too, I love the connection. 35 isn’t ‘old’ & your periods will come back soon (I don’t know of any that have stopped for years!)

Hyppogriff · 07/01/2022 20:51

Just phase it out one feed at a time and dial up the food and sippy milk - he doesn’t need bf anymore (I am not an anti BF I BF both of mine and I get it ! )
WHO guidelines are written with the developing world in mind where water and other food sources are is not reliable

milkieway · 07/01/2022 20:55

You don't have to stop breastfeeding you could just try reducing some feeds and see how you go, most women their periods return to normal 9-18 months post partum irregardless of how much the baby feeds so you're feeding

www.llli.org/breastfeeding-info/fertility/

89redballoons · 07/01/2022 20:58

For me, my periods only came back when I stopped breastfeeding completely. I was down to one feed per day and still nothing.

Then when DS was 16 months, we weaned completely. I got my first period since his birth a week later, had 2 more cycles and then conceived the cycle after that.

So it's different for everyone and my experience doesn't seem to be exactly the norm, but it does happen.

As for weaning, I found it fairly easy as by 15/16 months my DS had pretty good verbal understanding, but again everyone is different. Basically I gradually replaced feeds with either a drink of water or cow's milk, and/or a cuddle or a plat, depending on if I thought he was asking because of hunger or thirst or boredom or the need for closeness. I'd just say, no milk now, we'll have milk in the morning.

Then when the morning feed was the only one left and had been for a week or so I got up as soon as DS woke, brought him downstairs and promptly got breakfast ready and played with him instead of feeding. It was really less painful for either of us than I'd been expecting.

BogRollBOGOF · 07/01/2022 21:01

I didn't have periods until 2m after my final feed with both babies.

DS1 was down to a morning/ bedtime feed at 13m when I stopped for TTC.

DS2 was more motivated by milk (and solids) but at 18m for my sanity I went cold turkey on night feeds and at 20m had had enough all together. I'd BFed in every year from 2010 to 2015 by that point and wanted a break from pregnancy/ lactating. I actually had milk for a good while after stopping with them both too.

DS2 was worth stopping for!

Opus17 · 07/01/2022 21:10

You don't have to stop completely. I'm still feeding my 18 month old and my period returned when he was 14 months as he had stopped a few feeds during the day ( we were down to two).

All you need to do is cut out some feeds. You could start by cutting out one at a time so it's not too much for him. And hopefully this'll kick start your period again

pompomsgalore · 07/01/2022 21:38

OP I would work on the 10pm side of things. That's when you won't be at your tiredest and most vulnerable to giving in to feeding.

Have you tried white noise? Download an app and when he wakes at 10 try a quick cuddle so he knows you've attended to him. But tell him it's nighttime and he goes in his cot now. Pat Pat Pat on his back like a mad woman and blare out the white noise. That's what worked for us and might be crap for you but hopefully you'll find it works somehow.

If you feel bad about the crying remember you are just teaching him about how nighttime's are. You aren't leaving him cry you are going to him but guiding him about the nighttime etiquette. Be consistent.

UndertheCedartree · 07/01/2022 21:43

I mean obviously it is a great achievement but the WHO recommend breast feeding for at least 2 years so personally, I feel it is a little early. Looking back it would have definitely felt very premature for me to take the breast away from my DC at that age. It is a wonderful resource for an upset toddler! However, ultimately it is your choice. I think my periods came back when my DC were between 18 months - 2 years - I was still breastfeeding.

5keletor · 07/01/2022 21:46

I became pregnant while still breastfeeding and not trying (it was a happy accident, we had initially planned for a bigger age gap), my period hadn't returned and baby was still feeding a lot (we have a very small gap!). Maybe my period would have come soon had I not been pregnant, to be honest I didn't think it was at all likely, but it is possible while breastfeeding. I continued to feed my now toddler throughout pregnancy and for a few months after baby arrived, until he decided to stop.

Tryagainplease · 07/01/2022 21:48

OP, bit of a random suggestion and this is only my experience so may be totally wrong but when my DS was about 4 months or so, I had to ‘block feed’ him… my let down was too strong and it was making him gassy and sick. It’s where you feed first time on one breast, second time on same breast, third time on the other breast and 4th time on the other breast. It cut down milk production slightly and my periods came back soon after. May have been a coincidence but might be worth researching?!

heyitsthistle · 07/01/2022 21:49

I fell pregnant with DD2 when my eldest was 9 months old. I was still breastfeeding and my periods have never returned. I BF eldest until she was 14 months old.

Tryagainplease · 07/01/2022 21:50

WHO guidelines are written with the developing world in mind where water and other food sources are is not reliable

So why does the NHS adopt the same guideline?

Lifeisnteasy · 07/01/2022 21:59

@Tryagainplease

WHO guidelines are written with the developing world in mind where water and other food sources are is not reliable

So why does the NHS adopt the same guideline?

Uh oh 🙄
Freelady · 07/01/2022 22:00

I concieved when ds was breastfeeding. I must have just been having a first cycle.
If you are just doing snack feeds at night then you are having a break from big feeds ..
I fed my one year old throughout the pregnancy with no problems whatsoever and tandem fed when he was still one and new baby born.
I did not plan that. The health visitor told me that the milk would change in prep for the new baby.. colestrum.. ( as i had wanted wean ds off the breast a bit prior to babys arrival) and this would put ds off and he wd wean naturally due to this .. it didnt ! Hence ended up tandem feeding when had planned not to.. so maybe that is something to be aware of. Mind you a toddler certainly helped with milk supply and it was fine .

EishetChayil · 07/01/2022 22:19

[quote cheezandbeanz]@EishetChayil I'm sorry to hear it's not happened yet and hope it does for you soon.

Are you tracking ovulation? [/quote]
Thank you!! I'm really hoping it happens soon, as I'm 41 in a couple of months and really want another baby!

I'm not tracking ovulation using OPKs. I just go by cervical mucus, and I can feel ovulation happening.

Lea1437 · 07/01/2022 22:21

My eldest unexpectedly slept through the night at 8 months old, total one off, and that's all it took to kick-start my periods. I was gutted! Haha.
We carried on feeding as normal afterwards. Maybe express some milk and try and give yourself a few longer periods without breastfeeding to see if that does it and then just pick up where you left off.

Foxglovers · 08/01/2022 06:34

I had the exact same issue with my DD1 - co-sleeping and BF around the clock (seemed to get even more as she turned 1 actually!) I used lots of distraction methods during the day to make longer gaps in the daytime without feeds (nights were too hard as she really neeeded the comfort but daytime as long as I kept her busy j could make these big gaps) conceived with my second child anyway and now feeding them both. Weirdly I actually feel really guilty now about cutting back feeds with my eldest - she’s now 2.5 and still seems to like feeding a lot and is quite small/bit a massive eater and I feel terribly guilty for trying to stop her getting that nutrition and for also my supply dropping mid pregnancy. She still kept feeding but I think she was really getting very little milk and pregnancy also gave me very bad breastfeeding aversion with her (she I still have!) of course I have my new little one and delighted but feel really guilty for that time when I was stressed about conceiving and my age. If I were you I would wait a bit longer? I think 14mths is the average timescale for periods to return?
Follow kathryn Stagg on instagram for lots of great extended BF advice

Foxglovers · 08/01/2022 06:36

Just to add to my comment above…my eldest who I was co sleeping with and used to wake up wanting milk so much through the night just randomly slept through at 14 months (almost out of nowhere!) and that pretty much continued . Good luck!

pompomsgalore · 08/01/2022 06:51

@Tryagainplease

WHO guidelines are written with the developing world in mind where water and other food sources are is not reliable

So why does the NHS adopt the same guideline?

Read The politics of breastfeeding to see what bf is recommended for so long even in developed nations.
To stop BF to TTC?
RBKB · 08/01/2022 06:54

I stopped BF when DD1 was 8 months...she was pretty sad and I felt pretty awful, I also wanted another baby. But I did then concieve DD2.... And actually, DD1 struggled with every transition, and needed support, and I'm happy to give her this, even now in her last year of uni!!! Seeing her cope with things she finds hard makes me so proud. We can't protect our kids from transitions and this will be a big one but he will cope.....12 months of breastfeeding is fab, you have done a great job.

Ileflottante · 08/01/2022 07:07

It feels I'm doing my son a disservice by taking his boobs away when he isn't ready

I find language like this strange. They’re not ‘his boobs’. And I agree with a PP that he’s possibly small because he’s allowed unfettered access to your boobs and doesn’t have the proper diet of solids he should be having at one year old.

Ponoka7 · 08/01/2022 07:10

You need ovulation tests. Having bleeds doesn't mean that you are ovulating and not having periods doesn't mean that you aren't. I bf co slept and got pregnant again, so did my DD. BF isn't contraception. Malnourished bf women are having babies none months apart in poverty situations.
I wouldn't stop if he is small until spring. If they get Ill, they usually rely on bf when they can't keep solids down, which is why the WHO recommends bf until at least toddler stage. The ovulation test could go alongside a fertility test, then decide.

EishetChayil · 08/01/2022 09:57

@pompomsgalore That is a fantastic book - thanks for mentioning it. It rocked my little world when I read it!

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 08/01/2022 09:57

Read The politics of breastfeeding to see what bf is recommended for so long even in developed nations

The irony being that the person who wrote this book will also have had their own agenda. “The politics of the politics of writing about breastfeeding” 😃

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