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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop BF to TTC?

85 replies

cheezandbeanz · 07/01/2022 18:13

I'm in a real pickle here.

My baby has just turned one and still feeding from me a lot. I have always fed on demand and am still doing so. I am his comfort, his milk source, and safe to say he loves a boob. He feeds round the clock, and is starting to eat more solids but I'd say is still taking 70% of his calories through my breast milk.

My periods haven't returned, but I am really keen to TTC #2. We don't have age on our side (I'm just turned 35), it may take a while to conceive (though it didn't first time around luckily) and I really would like our babies close together.

I don't know whether it would be awful to stop breastfeeding my son in order to TTC his sibling or whether I just wait and he may self wean? I just can't see it happening any time soon. I've had no hint of a period as yet :-(

It feels I'm doing my son a disservice by taking his boobs away when he isn't ready. But I know a year is a great amount of time and he's had a brilliant start.

I'm just really torn!

Any experience/advice welcome!

OP posts:
EishetChayil · 07/01/2022 19:14

I'm in a similar position. My DD is 16 months, and still feeding through the night and for her one daytime nap.

My period did come back when she started solids at 6 months, and we've been TTC since she turned 1, but no joy.

I could do with some tips on cutting down the night feeds too! Breaks my heart to deny her "baba", as she calls BFing! But we're very keen to have another baby.

JanuaryPinks · 07/01/2022 19:15

I stopped bf DC1 because my periods hadn’t come back at 13 months and I wanted to ttc. Period came back the day of my last feed. I’m still bf DC2 who is 14 months and my period came back at exactly the same time as it did last time, ie when she was 13 months, so maybe it had nothing to do with the fact I’d stopped bf last time.

Either way, it’s meant to be the night feeds that suppress your period so I’d start with those and aim to just do morning and evening. If you can get your DP to settle him in the night he might be more accepting. Good luck!

Original poster
cheezandbeanz · 07/01/2022 19:17

@EishetChayil I'm sorry to hear it's not happened yet and hope it does for you soon.

Are you tracking ovulation?

OP posts:
Twizbe · 07/01/2022 19:18

[quote cheezandbeanz]@Twizbe does he not need milk at all now he's one? I didn't know that and had no idea what he 'should' be having milk wise now, so that's really interesting! [/quote]
Nope. At 1 they are able to get all they need from food so if they don't have any that's ok. My son is allergic to milk so has a dairy free diet.

Twizbe · 07/01/2022 19:18

@EishetChayil

I'm in a similar position. My DD is 16 months, and still feeding through the night and for her one daytime nap.

My period did come back when she started solids at 6 months, and we've been TTC since she turned 1, but no joy.

I could do with some tips on cutting down the night feeds too! Breaks my heart to deny her "baba", as she calls BFing! But we're very keen to have another baby.

I did it through controlled crying but I know this isn't for anyone.
OGenkiDesuKa · 07/01/2022 19:19

Does he not have cows milk?

I would seriously think about how you might manage with a newborn too. You may find it more comfort having your boy on his own bed rather than co sleeping with a toddler and a newborn. Would you manage with breast feeding both of them? 9 months is quite a short time to implement a big change of routine so you would need to start now in case you got pregnant straight away!

pumpkinfan · 07/01/2022 19:22

You could still be ovulating without a period. I conceived my second with no periods and while breastfeeding. Check on that first.

thebigpurpleone · 07/01/2022 19:26

I think you need to stop Co sleeping and breastfeeding before you contemplate a second baby!

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 07/01/2022 19:28

I think you need to stop Co sleeping and breastfeeding before you contemplate a second baby!

Why?

I fed both of mine together and slept together and DS1 had 0 jealousy as a result, never felt pushed out and they have a special bond as a result. Even if you don’t want to tandem feed you have plenty of time to change things during pregnancy. Actually it’s v easy as well once eldest is only feeding to sleep.

thebigpurpleone · 07/01/2022 19:30

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

I think you need to stop Co sleeping and breastfeeding before you contemplate a second baby!

Why?

I fed both of mine together and slept together and DS1 had 0 jealousy as a result, never felt pushed out and they have a special bond as a result. Even if you don’t want to tandem feed you have plenty of time to change things during pregnancy. Actually it’s v easy as well once eldest is only feeding to sleep.

Honestly it just sounds so difficult to be pregnant and Co sleeping with the first.
Esssa · 07/01/2022 19:31

You could temporarily (or permanently) night wean as these are the feeds to drop to more likely kick start your cycle. 12 months is the minimum age to drop breast milk or formula but it is recommended to feed to 2 years or longer if desired. I'm about to hit this issue soon but not from a cycle angle. That returned at 6 months. My issue is whether I want to risk drying up before she's ready to wean and whether I'll want to feed while pregnant. Also have the co-sleeping to sort as I'm not sure I fancy trying to keep a newborn and a toddler safe in bed with me. Good luck. It's a difficult decision to make.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 07/01/2022 19:34

Honestly it just sounds so difficult to be pregnant and Co sleeping with the first

Everyone is different but for me, even with bad morning sickness, it was not. It’s not a “definitely have to stop”. OP should play it by ear

thebigpurpleone · 07/01/2022 19:44

I personally cannot think of anything worse but we are all different.

lochmaree · 07/01/2022 19:49

my periods came back at 12/13m pp while breastfeeding, I didnt stop bc but we weren't ttc at that point, but then did from I think about September (~20m pp) and that worked. currently 15 weeks pregnant and bf my 2 yo.

Emma Pickett on Instagram has some useful advice on weaning, the bf relationship for both of you, pregnancy and bf, etc. lots of really useful info.

Lifeisnteasy · 07/01/2022 19:51

He’s probably small because he’s filling up on milk and not taking enough solids.

lochmaree · 07/01/2022 19:51

also in reply to pp, I am also cosleeping with my first. we intend on setting up another bedroom with double floor bed so that we have the flexibility to change things/him to sleep on his own or with his dad, but right now I have no desire to.

LuckyWithMyLot · 07/01/2022 19:57

I BF on demand and DS wants to feed round the clock, all times day and night!
Despite this, periods came back at 18 months and then we started TTC. I had a short luteal phase (initially 7 or 8 days) but this naturally lengthened each month by a day. Fell pregnant on my 5th cycle. Oh and DS still feeds 4 or 5 times in 24 hours.

I did read it can help to eat plenty so you're not in a calorie deficit and to try and have one long period in 24 hours when you don't feed. For us, this was 7pm to 5am.

Slimemonster · 07/01/2022 20:07

I'd continue to feed personally.
I eventually fell pregnant when dd was 2y2m then fed through pregnancy and then tandem fed too - such an experience!
Xxx

FortniteBoysMum · 07/01/2022 20:14

You say feeds are making up around 70% of his intake. If you cut the feeds he will up the solids to make up the difference.

Darkstar4855 · 07/01/2022 20:22

My period came back at 10m when I went back to work three days a week and was going long periods of the day without feeding. I was still feeding 3-4x at night and fed until he was 2.5.

If you want to carry on night feeding then why not try reducing daytime feeds instead? It’s actually easier because there’s more to distract them in the day and it’s simpler to give an alternative. You could try expressed breast milk or formula in a sippy cup during the day and have plenty of fun distractions on hand (let’s look at this book together, let’s go to the park). They still get that closeness and comfort at night when they most need it.

DeclareThePenniesOnYourEyes · 07/01/2022 20:25

I got pregnant with DD2 whilst still breastfeeding but I had cut it down over a period of about four or five months and got my period back. At one DD1 was like your son sounds, so I started to cut it back to get my menstrual cycle going again. I still fed on demand at night but cut it out apart from before naps in the day. In reality this meant her Dad dealing with her more than me to start with… we started it over a holiday period and I spent the first few days just “disappeared” a lot so that she had no choice to get back and eat food instead. It worked, period came back around six weeks later.

pollyparrot45 · 07/01/2022 20:27

I'm breastfeeding & pregnant with a second.

You could reduce feeds if you want but it won't necessarily make your periods resume even if you stop.

It's quite rare to still not have your period but it won't be forever.

superhappymagicforest · 07/01/2022 20:29

I had to wean completely for my periods to come back. DS was 27 months and I’d tried everything including cutting down to one feed. My periods came back two months later and I got pregnant the month after. It was a really really tough decision and I feel so guilty that I’m still feeding his sister at 3.5. Personally I’d maybe leave it a bit longer as one is so tiny and there’s still a good chance your periods will come back without weaning soon - I think I was quite unusual. Good luck with whatever you decide xxx

yoyo1234 · 07/01/2022 20:38

I think lots of people become pregnant when breastfeeding and I think I would personally keep it up until he wanted to stop (and it's clear you enjoy your time feeding himSmile). WHO I think recommends 2 years (now slightly more I think- just check online!).

BingBongBoo86 · 07/01/2022 20:38

My periods came back at 14 months pp, I was still breastfeeding A LOT, day and night. I totally get being emotionally attached to BF, it’s been such a great experience.

Now pregnant, at 36 years old and still breastfeeding DD1.

I would wait a bit longer to see if your periods come back and then track ovulation. There’s a great Facebook site with called ‘Breastfeeding older babies and beyond’, there’s lots of advice to be had, I highly recommend it. Good luck!

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