To not want s-i-l's presents?

[deeeja]

My sil is due round in approx half an hour. She will ring unsuitable present for ds2 which she got from the market, she will then buy something for ds3(asd) which he will not like, or will just not notice, and she will buy something for ds4 which is for too babyish. All of it iwll be from the market, so cheap andunsafe. ds3 likes to mouth everything, and so does ds4. Ds2 will get bored of it, he prefers creative toys or things he can build.
I odn't know why she bothers. She will make lots of horriblw comments about ds3 and will then make ds4 cry. He absolutely HATES her, because he is after all an excellent judge of character.

I don't want this thread to be about me being a muslim, or about what your interpretation of what it says in the quran, but thanks for your opinion!
Sometimes people have to be told. Sometimes there is a need to change a certain behaviour. I don't mind her coming to the house at all.
I just don't like the unsuitable presents.
IF it was just for me, I wouldn't mind, but toys for children should be safe and not have the potential to cause harm.

i think giving them back was rude, tbh. and giving you shit toys was only marginally less so...

What did she say/do when you gave them back?

Well I may have been a little rude in giving them back, but I am frustrated with it all. They refuse to accept that ds3 has any problems. They think it is becuase I 'molly coddle' him.
I think giving dangerous toys is disgusting. It keeps those traders in business so that other children can come to harm aswell.
Maybe I should have kept them, and asked her where she got them from, so that I could go there and have it out with the
market traders.

it sounds like a lot of pressure, in-laws are a pita. but lol giving them back was hard-core.

You seem rather angry about the whole thing.

surely you should get cross at traders then not your sil.i think its awful giving them back 'its the thought that counts'.mine have been given unsuitable toys (bow and arrow that lasts 5 minutes,toy gun)before we thank giver,dc play whilst we watch , wait till they go bed and hide toy in black bag known as bin.its so rude to give them back especially in front of children.
but its awful she says mean things.

My sil buys the dds reasonable presents, but always gives me something I hate...it goes straight to a charity shop asap.

Only one year have I cracked and told her - she'd borrowed quite a lot of money from dh and hadn't given it back...then despite us saying 'please don't get presents for the adults, just the kids', still gave us expensive presents.

Other years I just grit my teeth, try to look delighted, but am mentally planning how to get rid of the latest monstrosity.

She probably hates anything I give her too..we have very different tastes.

My sil buys the dds reasonable presents, but always gives me something I hate...it goes straight to a charity shop asap.

Only one year have I cracked and told her - she'd borrowed quite a lot of money from dh and hadn't given it back...then despite us saying 'please don't get presents for the adults, just the kids', still gave us expensive presents.

Other years I just grit my teeth, try to look delighted, but am mentally planning how to get rid of the latest monstrosity.

She probably hates anything I give her too..we have very different tastes.

all the toys i've ever seen sold at a market are just the same as the toys in the shops but they are often cheaper cos market traders don't have many overheads. when i buy toys from shops i don't ask what country they've been made in or who's made them- why does it matter?

maybe she doesn't realise that she can't buy toys with small parts. she probably just buys toys that say they are suitable for the age of your children and doesn't think about your ds3 not being able to play with them. and as for the hand me downs - she is trying to be nice - maybe she doesn't know what size clothes they are in. i get given handmedowns. sometimes the stuffs too small and if it is i just take it to the charity shop or freecycle it.

oh and i don't think anyone would purposely buy rubbish presents cos they think a child is unworthy of better ones. i really don't think she has a motive like that.

sounds like a cow!

Nice.

I plan on giving my nephews a 240v live electric cable to play with.

Well, I'm sorry, deeeja, but I don't really like where you're coming from.

It is an absolute rule of thumb that children learn to say thank you for a gift, however crap.

I would be fecking mortified if a child of mine turned his nose up at a gift that someone had bought him. In that instance, you must teach them to dissemble.

I sincerely hope you didn't return those gifts in earshot of your children ...

It does sound as though there's more going on here than just the presents. If you and your SIL hate each other, then that's just the way it is, but one of you has to be a grown-up about it and as you are the one posting on MN I'm going to suggest it ought to be you. You don't have to like her, but treat her with basic courtesy: giving the gifts back to her was rude and unkind, thanking her and getting the DC to thank her for the gifts and subsequently losing/recycling them is basic courtesy.
ANd stuff bought from markets is no more inevitably dangerous than stuff bought anywhere else: market traders often sell stuff cheaply because it's last year's stock bought from shops with a fast turnover of goods.

Your are being not just unreasonable you are being blatantly rude and setting an appalling example to your children.

There are other ways to get the message across.

Let the kids receive the toys and ensure they thank SIL. Several days later, if it really is safety that you are worried about, whisk them away and donate them to a charity shop. If SIL asks what happened to them say they were rather fragile and got broken. (This is however a blatant lie but in the interest of family harmony and your problem with accepting anything but shop bought goods you leave yourself little option).

She may see that their other toys last longer and get the message if everything she gives them bought from the market "gets broken".

I do however think you are being harsh and insensitive, apart from where your child with special needs is concerned. Many many families can't afford anything other than cheaper market stall bought goods and posting as you did on here you are sending out the message that they are giving their children substandard dangerous toys.

Thing about toys from the market is that some stalls sell dangerous goods that don't meet the relevant safety standards. Have a google for the Channel 4 Dispatches documentary on toy safety, was on the other week.

deeeja - next year when your SIL comes round, tell her that the kids will be having all their toys on Christmas day. Keep the toys she has given you away from the kids (don't give them back to her!) and then if you think they are unsafe, put them in the bin (not charity shop if unsafe). Replace them with crayons/stickers etc so that DC have something from SIL on Christmas Day.

MIL bought something dangerous (and extremely smelly!) from abroad for my 1 year old. I just accepted it, said thanks and binned it after she had left. I did check with my own mother who agreed that it should go in the bin and that I was not being paranoid.

Edam, some shops ie allegedly reputable chainstores have has masses of toys recalled for safety reasons this year. It's not just market stalls that can be dodgy. But this is far more about how much the OP hates her SIL than the safety or otherwise of shopping at markets.

I know, Madamez, but at least with a shop you know they will issue a product recall if there are any problems... honestly, look up Dispatches, it covered goods sold in shops too, absolutely appalling.

yes but by the time a toy is recalled by a shop it may be too late. anyway it is the brand that issues the recall so you would probably hear about it anyway and if you were really bothered about getting a refund/replacement i'm sure shops wouldn't be asking for receipts.

Maybe in future years when she comes round with her festive booty, u could say "ta I'll give them to kids on Xmas morning." Then quietly put them to one side so that u accidentally forget about them. Then if she asks where are pressies on Xmas Day, claim ignorance... "ooh, i dunno they had so much this morning don't know where anything is. oo, what a shame etc etc. Thanks anyway." No need to make it all such a big deal. In fact, she prob does it on purpose because she knows she gets a reaction from u.

also a lot of the dodgy toys sold on markets/in shops is character stuff which i wouldn't buy anyway, but if i did need to buy it for anyone i would always check it was licensed before i bought it. perhaps you could say i'm sorry but the children can't have these cos look they've not been licensed which means they are probably not safe - you wouldn't want them to get hurt would you?

Personally I think that you are being reasonable. You have explained to her why you need safe toys and she has ignored you. Why should you grin and bear it? She is an adult and is capable of listening to your views. I am sure that your view of her is coloured by her comments about ds3 but why shouldn't it be? Next year can you ask her to do something like give a donkey or bees from a charity like Sendacow?