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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance straight to GC, skipping childless DC

318 replies

Shuk · 06/01/2022 22:10

How would you feel if your parents left money to your nieces & nephews but not you or your siblings, and you don't have DC, but have possibly had more financial support as an adult than your siblings (though not as much as their dc will inherit)

YABU - no one is entitled to anything
YANBU - this isn't fair and likely to cause considerable upset

For context it's not my parents, and I have DC who would benefit. I think this is hugely unfair.

OP posts:
TequilaStories · 07/01/2022 04:06

We always split everything 50/50 working on the assumption that beneficiaries would help out any family members if they were struggling anyway. If not then you’ve got bigger problems than inheritances.

PrincessNutella · 07/01/2022 04:45

As a parent, I think it is fair to divide the money by siblings only. I definitely think it is very unfair to leave childless siblings out. I say that as a mother.

decemberrainydays · 07/01/2022 04:55

My fil has chosen to do this. He has 2 dc, one has 1 child and the other has 4.

In his case he's very controlling in general and scapegoats the child with only one dc, while the other is the golden child.

Luckily relationships between his dc are good as they both see him for what he is.

PrisonerofZeroCovid · 07/01/2022 05:52

In what way is it more tax efficient?
In the UK?

It potentially prevents IHT being paid twice. If my parents give money to me when I die, and I dont spend it but leave it to my children, IHT will be charged on both my parents' estate and on mine. If they give it straight t their GC, it means it's only charged on their estate.

OP one thing that I dont think has been mentioned (apologies if it has- I only skimmed) is the concept of time value of money (a rational person would rather have a pound now than a pound in 30 years) or discounting for uncertainty. While you feel it's unfair because the financial support you've received is less than what your siblings' children will receive, what you have received is a certainty. Your N&N may end up getting far less than you envisage, especially if your parents live a long time or spend a number of years in care homes etc. You need to also take into account inflation or potential investment losses.

PrisonerofZeroCovid · 07/01/2022 05:54

If my parents give money to me when THEY die

Sorry- that made no sense

Tilltheend99 · 07/01/2022 06:30

I think it depends if by financial support you mean that the person in question has been pre-spending their inheritance.

This is why people should care about wage stagnation; because no one should rely on a future inheritance in order to eventually afford the basics like a roof over their head.

BasketBlocks · 07/01/2022 06:32

I appear to be in the minority but I wouldn’t have a problem with this, even if I was the childfree DC. If they have decided to skip a generation that’s a matter for them and I assume it’s split equally amongst the grandkids.

Appreciate that others feel differently.

SW1amp · 07/01/2022 07:04

Very sensible estate planning, although I would prefer to see some sort of trust provision to stop GCs blowing it all

But I don’t share the MN obsession with inheritance so would have no presumption of getting any as an adult

StrifeOfBath · 07/01/2022 07:06

OP: I would be deeply uncomfortable in your shoes, if this was my parents, and my sibling being left out.

I would talk to my parents about the likelihood (if true) if my kids eventually inheriting from their childless uncle, so it all coming up good for the grandchildren, without leaving their actual children out of the Will.

I know in some families (typically already well off) it is all agreed and understood that inheritance leapfrogs a generation, probably for tax reasons. But grandparents deciding various formulae around grandchildren feels like trying to engineer and control the future.

Live your life, leave what is left to your kids. Pay them the compliment of expecting them to then support their kids in turn.

It is possible I will get a meaningful inheritance from my aunt. If so, as much as I can possibly afford will go straight to my Dc (or saved as such) for house deposits or other foundations to their lives.

GattoFantastico · 07/01/2022 07:11

Of course a person's assets can be distributed however they choose. No one has an automatic entitlement to anything. Having said that, I can't understand why any loving parent would choose to treat their children anything other than equitably.

Snowisfallinghere · 07/01/2022 07:11

If everyone left money to their grandchildren rather than (or as well as) their children, it would be fantastic for redistribution of wealth in society as a whole, and would help so many young people get on the housing ladder too. More people should do this!

Youngstreet · 07/01/2022 07:11

I can never understand dp’s doing this.
Unless your dc are fabulously wealthy one never knows if they may become disabled, jobless or homeless.
Most dp’s put their own dc first so should be trusted to use any inheritance sensibly. And if they are comfortably off their dc will inherit anyway eventually.

cptartapp · 07/01/2022 07:11

I would always pass straight in equal measures to DC, presuming you can trust them to sensibly do what they want with it.
I would never give to one adult DC earlier in life and not the other without a very very good reason. DH has lost out twice to his sister because of that, when arguably, the money would have been most useful.
Very hurtful.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 07/01/2022 07:16

My parents always give anything to their children ( always exactly the same amount) and then they can choose what to do with it. So at Christmas we the parents all get given £100 to share with the family regardless of how many kids we have. As one sibling has none, one 2 and one 6!!!

SunshineCake1 · 07/01/2022 07:17

@FreezerBird

This is what my parents did.

My siblings and I all had quite significant financial help from them when they were alive. They never gave directly to the GC, but were very very concerned about how hard it is for young people now to get on the housing ladder etc, hence their decision that the GC should inherit rather than my siblings and me.

I have children who will benefit, as do two of my siblings. Two other siblings don't have children and therefore don't inherit anything. Neither of them have bad feeling about this in terms of the finances, but one has expressed that it would have been nice to maybe be left a small token item named in the will so that they weren't left out of it entirely.

My slight concern is that my DC are much younger than their cousins and are very young to inherit what is a substantial amount of money.

Then you keep it in an account for them until they are older...
MilduraS · 07/01/2022 07:21

I'm child free and wouldn't mind if my parents left everything to my sister's children. I think a big part of that is the fact I'm already on the property ladder and my parents wouldn't have a huge estate anyway. If we were talking hundreds of thousands of pounds per child I'd feel a bit put out, though not enough to ever mention it to my sister or her children.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 07/01/2022 07:24

@Snowisfallinghere

If everyone left money to their grandchildren rather than (or as well as) their children, it would be fantastic for redistribution of wealth in society as a whole, and would help so many young people get on the housing ladder too. More people should do this!
I agree!
Youngstreet · 07/01/2022 07:33

@Snowisfallinghere
If everyone left money to their grandchildren rather than (or as well as) their children, it would be fantastic for redistribution of wealth in society as a whole, and would help so many young people get on the housing ladder too. More people should do this!

A good dp would do this anyway.
We have used inherited money to help both our dc with house deposits.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 07/01/2022 07:38

@Shuk who are you in this?

The Grandparent or one of the siblings with children?

HelloDulling · 07/01/2022 07:43

I think it’s hugely unfair, and likely to cause bad feeling.

Collaborate · 07/01/2022 07:46

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

If you are one of the beneficiaries, you can (if the executors are supportive) alter the will retrospectively.
Haven’t read the whole thread so someone may have already said this, but this cannot be done. You would need the consent of the beneficiaries not the executors. As children the beneficiaries are too young to give their consent so it would have to be sanctioned by the court. The court would never sanction this.
Clymene · 07/01/2022 07:49

@Snowisfallinghere

If everyone left money to their grandchildren rather than (or as well as) their children, it would be fantastic for redistribution of wealth in society as a whole, and would help so many young people get on the housing ladder too. More people should do this!
Decent parents should do this anyway surely?
CurzonDax · 07/01/2022 07:57

To me, it would feel as though I was being punished for not having any children.

In reality, my fertility struggles are punishment enough.

This would really hurt me, as it would feel like another reminder of something that I desperately want (a child), but can't seem to have.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 07/01/2022 07:59

@Collaborate - I was assuming that the GC would be adults (because most people are adults by the time that they lose GPs, these days). If they are children, you are right, of course.

felulageller · 07/01/2022 08:00

Tbh if a childless DC was over childbearing age then I wouldn't want to leave them much, as their surviving spouse (or their relatives) would end up with the money. Also if childless they'll have had more opportunity to earn more money for themselves.