Inheritance straight to GC, skipping childless DC

[Shuk]

How would you feel if your parents left money to your nieces & nephews but not you or your siblings, and you don't have DC, but have possibly had more financial support as an adult than your siblings (though not as much as their dc will inherit)

YABU - no one is entitled to anything
YANBU - this isn't fair and likely to cause considerable upset

For context it's not my parents, and I have DC who would benefit. I think this is hugely unfair.

@TenoringBehind

MIL has done this with her will and it has caused a lot of resentment amongst dh and his siblings. We have 2 children, SIL has five, BIL has three.

All three children would prefer that the money went to them instead. Dh and BIL think it’s unfair that SIl’s children get 50% of everything between them.

I would be telling your husband and his siblings to grow up, their own children aren't being treat any different to all the other kids in your extended family, your two children are presumably getting the same split as your brother in laws 3 children and your sister in laws 5 children. It's not as if the sister-in-law is inheriting the lions share directly herself, and your husband and brother are being palmed off with smaller shares because of how many kids you each have, it's going to all of your independent children equally.

The way you're saying they're reacting probably makes it a good decision what your mother in law has done, sounds extremely grabby.

@madisonbridges

I would be so upset. I'd feel I was valued less because I'd had no children.

How are they valued less? The money isn't going to the children who gave them grandchildren, it's just going to their grandchildren.

Our parents are splitting their money equally between all their children. We asked that our inheritance from both sets of parents to go straight to our children, rather than to us. But our siblings will all get their proportion direct to them, and it's up to them what they then do with it.

I never understand this really . If the thought is that the generation in their 50s don't need the money for themselves then surely they will use an inheritance to support their own DC anyway.

I strongly believe that no-one should be expecting an inheritance, however in cases like this YANBU. I'm not a believer of skipping a generation anyway, but when one member of the next generation has no DC and is effectively shut out I thing that is wrong, and likely to cause bad feeling and is especially wrong.

@2Rebecca

My father has discussed his will and things are divided equally between my 2 sibs and I. I think that is fairest. How many children we chose to have is irrelevant. It is our job as parents to provide for our children. I think you only skip a generation if you hate your kids

I can promise you that my parents didn't hate me - they loved me dearly.

They also discussed their intentions in detail, and DB and I were happy for them to leave their Estate to our DC, as we were both perfectly comfortable. Communication is key.

@Shuk

Childfree DC doesn't know

^^This is what is unfair, that the childfree sibling doesn't know.

The parent has the right to do as they wish with their money, but to 'blindside' one of their children is just cruel and cowardly. Even if all the siblings are being treated equally in that they, themselves, will receive nothing. My assumption is that this is being left to the DGC either in trust so their parents have no access to it or that the DGC in question are adults.

I think your parents should be strongly encouraged to tell the childless sibling their plans.

Oh dear, the OP's situation seems the worst possible solution to me!

One sibling (not the OP's partner) has had more financial support from their parents, but that means that the supported child's siblings now get nothing and it goes straight to their children instead. I can see that smarting a bit - yes, it's absolutely true that no-one is entitled to any legacy, but the parents look to have favoured one of their children (assuming that they did actually get financial help, as the OP doesn't seem certain).

Splitting the estate between the siblings seems fairest to me, even if the share for the supported sibling is reduced to take into account anything they may have received earlier.

I know a family with two DD - one was married with two children and the other was single. The single DD would have loved to be married with children but it never happened for her and she was very sad about it.

When the parents died they divided their estate 5 ways - one fifth to each of their DD, the son in law and the GC.

Apparently they thought this was fair but the single Dd was devastated. It was just another way of her parents pointing out that she was a failure without a husband and children.

I’ve no idea how people can be so cruel to their own children ☹️☹️☹️

How are they valued less? The money isn't going to the children who gave them grandchildren, it's just going to their grandchildren.
Because it's still going to their siblings families. It's benefitting their siblings by benefitting their children.

You're looking at this from a logical point of view, but families aren't about logic. They're about feelings. I have a couple of friends who were told by their mothers that they were not going to inherit as much as one of their siblings. Neither of my friends desperately needed the money so that wasn't an issue. What was an issue was that they felt that their parent was choosing a sibling over them and that hurt. You might be logical and say the mother was helping the neediest out most. But sibling dynamics are complicated. They inspire the most basic feelings. If you feel your parents, the people who are supposed to love you most, chose someone else over you, it can feel like rejection.

Assuming no disabilities or special need for money I think inheritances should always be split evenly between children with adjustments if some children have received much more financial help. If a grandparent wants to leave money to a grandchild it should come out of the grandchild’s parents share.

I think there is something unkind to overlook childless children.

I say this as someone with more kids than my siblings.

One of my sisters has one child. My brother has four. I've told my parents that i think it's unfair to split the money between grandchildren as my brother's family will get a lot more. They are going to leave it to their adult children who can decide what they do with it!

My darling Mum left most of her estate to me and my sister...our brother was disinherited because of his rubbish behaviour towards lovely Mum .
Grandchildren all got a few thousand each ..all good here .

Because it's still going to their siblings families. It's benefitting their siblings by benefitting their children.

But the parents have already given the childless child financial support directly.

Have seen this in a family I know, where inheritance was split equally between all grandchildren, but for the reason that grandparent was no longer talking with one of their children, but were still in contact with the grandchildren from this line of their family. Therefore they didnt want the child they no longer spoke to, to inherit, and thought then it was 'fairer' that none of their 3 children would inherit, and all passed directly to all grandchildren. However, for fairness this doesn't work either, as they had three children and 8 grandchildren. So rather that inheritance being split into 3rds for each line, it is split half, quarter and quarter, as one child produced 4 grandchildren for them, and the others 'only' had 2. The 4 grandchildren siblings therefore have a bigger proportion of inheritance than if it was shared out from their parent as a 3rd of the total.
Crikey, this is confusing, i needed to draw out a diagram! If my maths is right, the 4 sibling grandchildren gained 1/8, when via their parent it would have been 1/12. The 2 sibling grandchildren gainef 1/8, when via their parents it would have been 1/6. Should the 2 sibling grandchildren have been penalised just because they don't have more siblings?

My parents both inherited from their parents and retired in their 50s, they go on about how wonderful it was, how it allowed them to pay off their mortgage, spend time with their grandchildren, travel the world etc.

They have left to their grandchildren. Have to say I do find hard to understand why- my sisters and I would also love to retire to spend time with grandchildren.

But ultimately it is their choice. Equal split amongst grandchildren- 3 children have differing numbers of children- so not an equal split to each family branch. (1, 2 and 3)

The GP don’t love the DC they’ve left out.

That’s what everyone thinks, inc the DC.

They’re right.

But the parents have already given the childless child financial support directly.

I don’t think that matters. Their enduring memory will be that their parent didn’t want to leave them anything when they died.

Each family branch gets something in that situation @TheHoptimist. Nobody is totally left out.

It doesn't matter -

I think it’s unfair and may cause big family upset.

@Saffy123456

It doesn't matter -

Care to elaborate?

@TheHoptimist

My parents both inherited from their parents and retired in their 50s, they go on about how wonderful it was, how it allowed them to pay off their mortgage, spend time with their grandchildren, travel the world etc.

They have left to their grandchildren. Have to say I do find hard to understand why- my sisters and I would also love to retire to spend time with grandchildren.

But ultimately it is their choice. Equal split amongst grandchildren- 3 children have differing numbers of children- so not an equal split to each family branch. (1, 2 and 3)

That sounds hard, I would struggle in this situation TheHoptimist.

I think it's fairest to leave to children, although my parents also made provision for all their grandchildren in their wills.

If I inherit anything I will pass some on to my children but I'd like the opportunity to do this myself. I'd find it hard to be bypassed altogether.

OP, I think the situation you've described could be very damaging for family relationships. I've seen families torn apart by disputes over wills and perceived unfairness. it's not just the money, It's the symbolic value and what it represents.

I don’t see the problem with this. I wouldn’t be upset at all if my parents left their entire estate to my sister’s children. I love them like my own and would be delighted to see them get off to a good start in life. I know how much my parents adore their GC and what it would mean to them to know they are leaving them well provided for.

They have been consistently generous throughout mine and my siblings’ adult lives. We have all been supported through the education we needed to have our desired careers, and we were all helped onto the housing ladder. We are all financially secure already thanks to them. So our parents owe us nothing when they die. Their money belongs to them to do as they wish with it. They have never begrudged us anything and I wouldn’t begrudge them the ability to leave their money to whom ever it gives them comfort and joy to do so.

I don’t understand the grasping nature of people when it comes to wills. I also don’t understand jealousy of nieces and nephews. Maybe not everyone feels the same way as I do about mine, but I would leap under a bus to save mine any day of the week. I’d fully support my parents giving them their entire fortune if that’s what they wanted - I want them to have the best life possible. My parents already did that for me so passing it onto the next generation seems only right.

It’s not about favouring the child with DC as the child themselves get nothing - their children do, as separate legal entities. I would not feel slighted or less loved if my sister’s children got all my parents’ money - I know if I had chosen to have children, mine would get the same. It’s not a personal snub.

I suspect that we are facing a situation like this with my FiL.

DH is an only child, his father is married to someone who has 3 children, all of whom are in their 50s and 60s. My FiL and his wife have hinted that any inheritance will go directly to the GC. We have 2 adult DC and one of the other step siblings has 2 adult DC, the other two step siblings are childless. I think it's incredibly unfair on them, but suspect that my PIL think that the money will be better going to the young adult GC to help get.them on the property ladder etc. Personally I'm thinking the best outcome might be that any possible inheritance is eaten up.in care fees.