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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance straight to GC, skipping childless DC

318 replies

Shuk · 06/01/2022 22:10

How would you feel if your parents left money to your nieces & nephews but not you or your siblings, and you don't have DC, but have possibly had more financial support as an adult than your siblings (though not as much as their dc will inherit)

YABU - no one is entitled to anything
YANBU - this isn't fair and likely to cause considerable upset

For context it's not my parents, and I have DC who would benefit. I think this is hugely unfair.

OP posts:
Drunkpanda · 06/01/2022 22:46

Bad idea.
Also, is the sibling without children possibly going to have them later? As they could end up with dc not mentioned in the will who would receive nothing.

JustLyra · 06/01/2022 22:49

Has the childless DC been consulted about it?

I know two families with will set ups like that but the childless DC suggested it in both cases

ivykaty44 · 06/01/2022 22:51

You can understand why in some other countries the will is guided to not disinherit family members

AlizeeEasy · 06/01/2022 22:52

as a childless adult this would be upsetting. I know my parents have decided to split inheritance equally among me and my siblings. Even though my siblings have multiple children, my parents attitude is that they chose how many kids to have but they had no input in the life choices me and my siblings made so whether we have kids or are already wealthy makes no difference to what we get.

2Rebecca · 06/01/2022 22:54

If 1 child has no children, 1 child has 1 child and a 3rd child has 4 children then the 3 adult children's parent is effectively giving one of his chilldren's offspring 4/5 of his money. It should be split equally between the 3 children, with money removed possibly if you have been given loads earlier that the others haven't had. It shouldn't be a race to produce the most sprogs to get the most money. The planet is still overpopulated.

budgiegirl · 06/01/2022 22:57

On mumsnet, no one is entitled to anything from an inheritance, ever.

In real life, most people I know would be very upset by this. Unless there's a very good reason, it seems fairest to me to leave equally between children. Then, if the beneficiaries wish to, they can pass on to their children, nieces, nephews etc as they see fit. I really can't imagine a situation where I would leave my estate (such as it is!) to my grandchildren rather than children (other than a small cash gift). I have no idea how my children's circumstances may change in the future, after I'm gone.

Selttan · 06/01/2022 22:57

My parents will as it currently stands is a set amount left to the two grandchildren and the rest which is the bulk split between my sister and I.
Even though they've helped raise their grandkids I think they've done it this way as they know I will be leaving everything of mine to the grandchildren.
I'm
Not sure if they'll change it though as since it's been done my sister is a now drug addict.

Although I hope they enjoy their money now and there's not much left.

Returnoftheowl · 06/01/2022 22:59

This sounds like an easy way to start a family rift. If be hurt if I was the childless sibling.
Of course it's their money to do what they want with. But I'd feel that I'd been shown as the least important family member, therefore I would expect to take a much lesser caring role in their old age than those clearly favoured by the parents.

Original poster
Shuk · 06/01/2022 23:01

@Returnoftheowl

This sounds like an easy way to start a family rift. If be hurt if I was the childless sibling. Of course it's their money to do what they want with. But I'd feel that I'd been shown as the least important family member, therefore I would expect to take a much lesser caring role in their old age than those clearly favoured by the parents.
Childfree DC doesn't know Sad
OP posts:
2Rebecca · 06/01/2022 23:03

My father has discussed his will and things are divided equally between my 2 sibs and I. I think that is fairest. How many children we chose to have is irrelevant. It is our job as parents to provide for our children. I think you only skip a generation if you hate your kids

Tayegete · 06/01/2022 23:05

I think it should go to the DC split equally and then they can pass it on to their children if the want to / can afford to / have children. We have 2 dc and the eldest has a disability and has made a career choice that means money is always likely to be a struggle for her but I still can’t bring myself to give DS less as I think it would be really hurtful.

WTF475878237NC · 06/01/2022 23:07

@FreezerBird have your parents considered holding the money in trust for each grandchild until a certain age?

I agree it seems fair if taking into account the help adult children have received.

PurpleDaisies · 06/01/2022 23:07

It wouldn’t be the money that would be hurtful. It would be the lack of care for anyone that hadn’t managed to reproduce successfully.

Bellie710 · 06/01/2022 23:08

My parents have left everything to me and my siblings and they are trying to do it as equal as possible, my Dh parents MIL wants everything to go to the GC FIL thinks give to your own kids and they provide for their kids. My DM was completely screwed by her siblings over her parents will and all I have said to my parents is I give no shits what they do with their money but do not leave us to sort it all out!

WTF475878237NC · 06/01/2022 23:09

Yes absolutely. If the adult hadn't had children and had also not received a comparable amount in advance this would be hugely hurtful because of the sentiment.

TenoringBehind · 06/01/2022 23:10

MIL has done this with her will and it has caused a lot of resentment amongst dh and his siblings. We have 2 children, SIL has five, BIL has three.

All three children would prefer that the money went to them instead. Dh and BIL think it’s unfair that SIl’s children get 50% of everything between them.

Returnoftheowl · 06/01/2022 23:10

If the childfree sibling doesn't know then that is extremely hurtful. They'll likely feel hurt by their parents and also hurt by the other family member who did know. That seems unnecessary cruel by the parents.

LaBelleSausage · 06/01/2022 23:11

My grandmother fell out with her identical twin sister over this scenario.
She had two children, her sister had one, her brother had none.

Money was left 2/3 to my grandma and 1/3 to her twin, nothing for her brother.

Her twin suggested that half of the money given to my grandma should go to their brother.

The fallout was so bad that they never spoke again and I first met my great aunt at my grandma's funeral.

I feel like maybe this situation would work for some families but it can easily go very badly.

I0NA · 06/01/2022 23:12

YANBU. I have left everything to my children equally. It will only go directly to any GC if my child predeceases them.

TataMamma · 06/01/2022 23:12

My grandparents left everything divided equally between grandchildren. But it was what their children wanted, and they had 2 kids who both had 3 kids so everything was equal in that sense. When my mother inherited from her mother, she altered the will so everything got divided between her own children and she got nothing.
I hope to be in a situation where I do the same, when my parents pass on, although obviously a) it's their decision - they may leave it all to next doors cat :( b) it depends on my own financial situation; c) ages of kids is also important.
I think though if one child was childless I'd personally want to give them something, unless they were really well off. Certainly I think it should be discussed with them - if they've got their own home, nice pension and are close to nephews and nieces they might not be bothered anyway, but not discussing it at all sounds like it could create long lasting wounds.

Clymene · 06/01/2022 23:13

Urgh this is horrible. Being rewarded for fecundity is what the pope does, not parents

Jisforjuggling · 06/01/2022 23:14

I started a thread a while ago about inheritance. In summary my mum proposes to cut me out of her will because I ‘don’t need anything’ (according to her). It has caused a HUGE family row. The vast vast majority of posters said that the only way to divide a will fairly was equally between the children, irrespective of how much money they had. Anything other then that sets up a hirerarchy of favouritism.
OP the proposed will you mention is grossly unfair and will only result in the left out child feeling they are less valued because they didn’t have children.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 06/01/2022 23:14

I don't understand this 'skipping a generation' thing. Why not split equally between the children, they can then give what they choose to their children (the grandchildren). The money could also help provide the grandchildren with a better childhood. I'd be very unhappy if money was sat doing nothing waiting for a grandchild to be old enough to inherit it while I was struggling to meet the day to day costs of living.

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 06/01/2022 23:15

I think any inheritance should be split between children irrespective of whether there are any grandchildren. Then they leave to their children and so on. It's really the only way to avoid arguments.

As for people getting more or less than their siblings because of money being given previously - the best way is to try and ensure that children are given money equally at the time. My friend's brother was useless with money and their parents were always bailing him out with a few hundred here and there. Whenever they did, they made sure my friend was given exactly the same amount.

madisonbridges · 06/01/2022 23:17

I would be so upset. I'd feel I was valued less because I'd had no children.