Middle Class/Upper middle class most frugal with money (in a good way!)

[Montana7]

Out of our friends with dc the same age as ours the most middle class & upper middle seem to be the most frugal & love a bargain.. Many are very high earners yet dc wear second hand clothes, uniforms, the families are very good with food & pride themselves on zero waste... Have great holidays think safaris, multiple ski trips pre covid but always prided themselves on getting the best deals... I think its bloody brilliant & after realising how much disposable cash DH & I fritter away especially around Christmas I aspire to be more frugal... Aibu to suggest the mc/umc appreciate the value of money more or is it just the ones we know...

vivainsomnia I'm arguing against posters who insists that those who can afford things don't spend the money on them just because they can feel pride in it. I do it because I don't see the necessity of it and would be a waste of money, that's all. I don't require validation for my choices.

Exactly! Why would we spend money on something we don't see the value in owning? I like having a mobile phone, but it adds nothing to the value for me if it is an Iphone. My present phone can do everything I need a phone to do as well as many things I don't need.

The SIL who spends a lot of money on clothes and her hair actually doesn't have anyone in her life who appreciates it. She is doing it to brag to people who don't even realize she is wearing something it is worth bragging about. When her oldest was a baby she was in a mummy group with a lot of rich women as she lived close to an expensive area. They were not impressed either as they knew she couldn't actually afford to have the habits she had. I guess that is why I find it to be such a waste of money. If she spent the money because the items would give her joy even if she was all alone on an abandoned island then it would be money well spent. But she is obviously doing it to brag and it isn't even working, which is sad.

On the other hand, some of our frugal habits are still there because we lived below the poverty line for 8 years and now the habits are ingrained. My DH does try to get me to spend money on myself because we can afford it and he wants me to have nice things and I am getting better at it, but the fact of the matter is that if it is something just for me and not for the house or the children then I can't really seem to find the wallet. Yesterday I finally ordered the pinking shears, which have been on my wish list for years as I didn't get them this Christmas either and that felt like a very frivolous thing to do. So if someone asks me a question here on Mumsnet it might take awhile before I answer, as I might be busy admiring my pinking shears while whispering "My precious"

Im currently being very virtuous and frugal my electricity has just alarmed to make me switch into emergency credit ignore the fact i dont have the money to top it up until tomorrow

@vivainsomnia

But plenty on here is talking about wearing £300 boots and a holey jumper. No one would mistake them for not having money But why define anyone and whether they have money or not based on what they wear?

I can as much wear expensive clothing one day (outdoor clothes because I'm out a lot in the rain, wind and cold) and be in jeans, trainers and jumper from Asda the next.

I'm still the same person, one who was counting every penny one day and now not having to ever look at my account balance to make a purchase.

No one is saying you are not the same person. But pretending like some people are doing that they don't care about status in terms of clothes because they wear scruffy old clothes when they are wearing old worn harbour coats or £300 boots with a holey jumper, is simply disingenuous.

The most frugal person I know is my DH, and it is just an inbuilt mentality thing from his childhood. He loves a bargain and doesn't like waste but nor is he stingy so he will be generous when necessary and never doesn't pay his way or not tip etc. His jumpers are neither expensive nor from Asda; they are usually many years old. He is generally in the same old fleece and he has about three pairs of of identical trousers which he wears til they get holes in then gives them to his mum to patch up

Sadly for him I am terrible with money! We are from a similar background, parents teachers, normal comp school etc. We do live in a fairly large house thanks to his saving habit but nor do we take expensive holidays (or eat other people's sandwiches!)

I know the perception is that very well off people don't spend much money and have old sofas etc but I personally think this notion is outdated among the under 50s at least. The people I know with enough money just buy what they want and up to date home furnishings seem to be a big part of that.

@NdujaWannaDance

Listen up plebeians! If you didn't spend your money on spray tans and tattoos, you too could have a couple of horses and send frogmella to boarding school!

Don't be silly, of course you couldn't.

You might be able to pay your rent though.

Fuck off!

@CallMeNutribullet

Listen up plebeians! If you didn't spend your money on spray tans and tattoos, you too could have a couple of horses and send frogmella to boarding school!

It's (clearly) exaggerated for effect, but I do think this gets to the heart pf the issue, which is that financially comfortable people have a tendency to cast their own lifestyle as deserved (due to 'hard work' or, on this thread, 'wise choices', etc. etc.) and the struggles of the less well-off similarly as just deserts, in order to feel more comfortable with benefiting from inequality (and perhaps let themselves off the hook of doing anything about it).

@BillyCongo

You didn’t afford to prioritise property and education by giving up spending on magazines and forgoing the occasional manicure. Don’t be so absurd

I think having more than enough means you can make more effective use of your money. For example:

Have a bigger house, so can afford to buy in bulk, save baby things to hand on (and store second hand things from friends), wait to find what you need in Charity shop/ebay, pay for insurance upfront instead of installments (often 10% cheaper), not buy things on credit, have good credit so get cheaper interest rates when you do borrow, buy things when they are cheaper even if you don't need them right away, better financial literacy including within your family and friends.

I have a friend who is wealthy but always grew up with make do and mend so wears clothes till they wear out, saves tea bags to make another cup - doesn't waste, but is also generous giving to charity/others. No safaris though.

I don't really think its about MC or WC

My DH and his sister are from the same family. His sister spent over £20k to 30k on her wedding and is now renting in an area with a huge prostitution and crime problem (not in the UK) cos she can't afford to spend more. her dress alone was over £1500.

My DH and I married in the registry office and bought our flat in London before even organizing a wedding celebration for the family. Which is why we have been married for 6 years but thanks to covid, have not had our wedding celebration. I would not spend £20k on a wedding, esp if I knew that my housing budget was on the low side. I would even prefer to spend the money to rent in a better location than on a single day. But to some people, weddings are very important. Having a gorgeous wedding is way more impressive than having a 2 bed flat in London, no one is that impressed at you buying a flat, its not like its a £1.4 million 4 bed house.

Different people prioritize different things.

Ok, I’m probably one of those your basing your assumptions on😬….currently wearing 2nd hand jeans (eBay) and jumper (relation with a penchant for good stuff and knows I’ll always take their cast offs!). My kids wear 2nd hand mostly too - hand me downs from friends & relations…when I’m done with them I hand them on to another Mum (obv only the stuff mine haven’t worn through!). We don’t go for meals out (maybe twice a year) or have takeaways or go to the cinema, we have 2 uk weeks for holidays BUT we live in a big house with space outside for our pets (yes, those😆) - it’s not a choice to be ‘frugal’ we’re just choosing to spend on what matters to us….A family ski holiday would be pretty much a years upkeep for said pets - and to us they’re more important! It’s not being frugal it’s just prioritising really🤷🏼‍♀️. I certainly know we’re incredibly lucky…

It’s not being frugal it’s just prioritising really

Some priorities can only be made when you have the money to do so no matter how frugal youre being

I think what this thread has highlighted is how much people care about how the are perceived by others, whatever their financial situation.

I've been poor and quite comfortably off but in either situation, I have never cared for how people perceive me. I only care for people who see me as I really am the sane way I look at them. I couldn't care less what house, car, clothes my friends buy, they are my friends for who they are. I don't waste time trying to identify the social status and financials of strangers, neighbours, other parents, coworkers.

another class thread, i only see this stuff on MN so it's always a fun read
the only people ive met in real life who discuss such things are very insecure, non-benefit-claiming working class. Their idea of hell is being culturally demoted to a council flat - the horrors!!

I completely agree with you @JustAnotherPoster00 - the point I’m making it that we have a choice to do this, many others don’t.

@vivainsomnia I think it is good not to care, although it is a luxury as well because discrimination is real.
But I do wonder why you can't see others social status? Are you autistic or really bad at understanding social cues?

But I do wonder why you can't see others social status? Are you autistic or really bad at understanding social cues?
I don't see because I don't look. I can't tell you whether my friends jackets and boots were bought at Asda or Berghaus because I don't pay attention to their jacket.

I also never judge someone based in their house or cars because it's very deceiving. My friend who lives in the nicest house is far from the wealthiest of my friends.

All this doesn't interest me. I only buy things on the basis of my needs. It doesn't cross my mind to ever contemplate what others might think of it.

great holidays think safaris, multiple ski trips

How is this frugal?

It’s easy to save on clothes and food if:

1. You’ve got things like holidays to look forward to,
2. You have wealthy mates:/ family giving away good quality clothing
3. You have a big fridge freezer to store things in and get the BOGOF etc deals without wasting anything,
4. You’ve got money to buy in bulk and in advance

Especially re the holidays - you’ve got more chance of getting the deals if you buy well in advance, pay all in one go (sometimes but Jonny always cheaper I accept) and can snap things up as and when you see them.

You’ve basically described me tbh - we buy second hand clothes, shop fairly frugally, drive a modest car, have a modest tv but go on a few trips per year (not safari or skiing, mainly U.K. breaks), but I’d describe myself as an absolute spend thrift!

• not, not Jonny

I don’t even know anyone named Jonny, but I can imagine Jonny going on lots of trips!

@vivainsomnia you may not mean this, but it sounds awfully like a white person saying they don't see race.
I know I am judged and looked down on by some people because I am poorer. That is something I have been aware of my whole life and am fairly frequently reminded of it. I know nothing about brands, but I can still tell if a coat looks well made or cheaply made.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

great holidays think safaris, multiple ski trips

How is this frugal?

It’s easy to save on clothes and food if:

1. You’ve got things like holidays to look forward to,
2. You have wealthy mates:/ family giving away good quality clothing
3. You have a big fridge freezer to store things in and get the BOGOF etc deals without wasting anything,
4. You’ve got money to buy in bulk and in advance

Especially re the holidays - you’ve got more chance of getting the deals if you buy well in advance, pay all in one go (sometimes but Jonny always cheaper I accept) and can snap things up as and when you see them.

You’ve basically described me tbh - we buy second hand clothes, shop fairly frugally, drive a modest car, have a modest tv but go on a few trips per year (not safari or skiing, mainly U.K. breaks), but I’d describe myself as an absolute spend thrift!

Yes I thought this. All these people getting good quality second-hand clothes handed down. I don't know anyone who could pass on stuff like this.

This site and its obsession with class. It's preposterous. Can't you recognise that you suffer from some deep social anxiety and work that out yourself? You must bore the arse out of people with your inadequacy, or invite deep pity.

It’s diścussed a lot on this site because class and class distinctions absolutely do matter in the UK, and they matter a lot. Class drives everything, on every level, whether one as an individual subscribes to it or not.

you may not mean this, but it sounds awfully like a white person saying they don't see race
I'm talking about myself, not society but I know I'm not unusual and many feel the sane. Yet a cording to some posters, all those who are well off yet frugal or not interested in status are just hypocrites. Many are, many are not.

@Silverswirl what do your neighbours think when they pass you perfectly good shoes that they could sell on because they think you can’t afford them and then see you go off spending thousands on an ‘experience’? 😲