Meeting people you don't know for sex

[Sportslady44]

In light of the recent Grindr killing case and also the rise in dating and hook up apps. I wondered this.

Why do people meet people they have no idea who they are, worse still they agree to go to their house for sex.

Its highly dangerous whether your lesbian, bi, gay etc.

Aren't people to scared? Straight back to their house etc on the first meet!!

Wrong thread sorry

Aside from any risks, it’s a bit grim. Definitely wouldn’t

Don’t pretend you’re not judging…of course you are. You don’t use a word like grim otherwise. I imagine you can make a judgement about the safety as well online sober as well as you can drunk in a bar or club. You manage the risks in the same way you would any online date ( with the caveat that nothing is foolproof)

I don't find it at all feminist to tell women to avoid casual sex or to go on and on and on about how 'dangerous' it is. It isn't exceptionally dangerous and you can make it less so by taking a few precautions (meet in public for the first meeting, tell someone where you're going etc). The obsession with stranger danger is really about keeping women cooped up indoors and convincing them that they must be passive, obedient, quiet and unadventurous.

If you're a prostituted woman you might have to encounter lots of strangers, and everyone knows that's really dangerous.

You can't compare prostitution with casual sex. Mostly because punters are scum who think consent to have sex is negotiable, therefore consent for anything, including violence is similarly theirs to buy or take.

IME most men (before online hook ups) who you have a one night stand with are grateful and happy. I've often thought that a good advert for feminism is 'hey if you murdered us less we'd probably shag you more'. I think the danger puts a lot of women off rather than the grimness

It's really not dangerous at all. They do it for sexual pleasure.

I think its a bit naive to think that you really know them any better after say a third date...you only know what they choose to show you at this stage. So are you saying you have to know someone for years before having sex at their house? Oh wait...women are killed in shockingly high numbers by partners they've been with for years. Maybe we should all just never have sex with anyone or ever leave our houses....

To know how dangerous it is we would need some reliable statistics on how often people do it, have a fun time, and don't suffer any kind of violence or abuse. Obviously yes there have been some awful cases of violence and murder but that doesn't prove how risky it is without knowing how often it happens without any negative outcome.

I was in bed with my holiday romance 4 hours after meeting him. 37 years and 2 children later we are now planning our retirement together.
In my 20's I sometimes behaved like this, and on occasions I got a long term boyfriend, sometimes just a friend and occasionally that was it.

@Wreath21

I don't find it at all feminist to tell women to avoid casual sex or to go on and on and on about how 'dangerous' it is. It isn't exceptionally dangerous and you can make it less so by taking a few precautions (meet in public for the first meeting, tell someone where you're going etc). The obsession with stranger danger is really about keeping women cooped up indoors and convincing them that they must be passive, obedient, quiet and unadventurous.

So much this.

@ShippingNews, as said statistically we are in more danger from the men we know well. Keeping ourselves safe would mean sticking to ONS, or a very occasional fuckbuddy and not having relationships. Living with a man is putting you and your children in harm's way.

Everything is a balance of risk and reward.

There were 627 murders in England and Wales between June 2020 and June 2021. There are 59.1 million people in England & Wales - that's a roughly 1 in 94000 risk of being murdered.

And we do more dangerous things each day.

We drive, despite there being almost 340 car crashes a day in the UK - so (assuming everyone drives for ease, although obviously that's not the case) that's a 1 in 475 risk of being in a crash each year (very rough numbers!).

You've got a 1 in 1816 risk of having a house fire each year in the UK.

87,000 people in the UK end up in A&E from a gardening injury each year - that's a 1 in 770 chance.

So it's less dangerous than being in a car, gardening or existing in a place with electricals and cooking equipment - and the reward (sex) is high enough to cancel out the relatively tiny risk. If 1 in 100 people were murdered during one night stands/encounters with complete strangers, that risk is then - for most - too high compared to the reward. But it's not.

Ah happy memories of my 20s - Yes did it several times, had a great time. Nothing like drunkenly getting in a cab with someone, drinking, chatting and shagging all night and then stumbling out in the morning wondering where on earth you are and how are you going to get home!

One such one night stand did result in the exchange of numbers in the morning and 20 years and two children later I'm still with him!

@Sportslady44

No I haven't and I'm not victim blaming. Just saying it's very dangerous to go to someone's house the first time you meet them. Genuine post why not.

It's not dangerous.

The likelihood of someone coming to harm in such a way is incredibly small.

Unfortunately we all know there are some evil people around.

Just grim. Would never do it.

I have in my past, on occasion completely ignoring my parents reminders of don't talk to strangers or get in strangers cars, let alone going to a strangers house!

Would never do so now. I wince when I think back to my 20s

I am on a hook-up site, but have never used it for that. There are honestly women on there who invite a stranger into their home; stranger will arrive to her lying naked, blindfolded and spreadeagled on the bed. He fucks her and leaves.
It is sheer lunacy.

I worked with someone who met up with loads of people she met online.
I worried about her as it’s seemed so risky - maybe I watch too much true crime tv programmes!
No judgement though - she seemed to enjoy herself and nothing bad ever happened to her.

I'm still on hook up sites. I have no interest in having a relationship due to my volatile behaviour when the sociopath in me comes out to play.
I love the risk of ons, probably due to other personality disorders.

I vet and use a number of resources that are available and often used by the hooking community to keep them safe. I use protection including when giving head and I test frequently.

What I do find grim is people who play without protection, with no consideration to others and what they are passing around.

One thing I have learned though from years of experience, should I ever find myself in another relationship we will be both testing regularly. Come across far too many people going for a drive to the supermarket, see friends, at a hobby or even their lunch break to have a quick fuck whilst their partner is convinced they would never cheat as they don't have the time. They ensure their arses are covered, things deleted, tracking isn't activated and full use of private chat apps and search.

It's a case of getting caught up in the moment and wanting sex with that person. What is the alternative? go to a field or park or back of a parked car then get done for public indecency? come to that has no one ever died in a park/field/car/hotel?

No time recently ie 30+ years ago. All of the things I did back then leave me wondering did I either have a death wish or did god just favour the stupid.......

When you're young its like so many other things, you just dont consider the risks (and it was a different era, so more unlikely to consider it).

I think it's risky going to a non-public place with a stranger and any adult without a LD should know this.

Whether they choose to take that risk is up to them.

Far from prudish or judgemental but in my job I have seen many rapes and sexual assaults which have been as a result of 'hook up' sites. Rape occurs within relationships of course and many hook ups are consensual and fun for all concerned but there's clearly an enhanced risk and you have little opportunity to 'vet' the person before you arrive at their flat etc.

Put it this way I certainly won't tell my daughters it's a great way of meeting people.

As a married mum, who did not have the experience of one night stands or Internet dating, I can see the appeal. Excitement.