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Original poster

Meeting people you don't know for sex

133 replies

Sportslady44 · 05/01/2022 17:58

In light of the recent Grindr killing case and also the rise in dating and hook up apps. I wondered this.

Why do people meet people they have no idea who they are, worse still they agree to go to their house for sex.

Its highly dangerous whether your lesbian, bi, gay etc.

Aren't people to scared? Straight back to their house etc on the first meet!!

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 05/01/2022 23:07

Surely the stats don't work either- if you're living with someone it might be hundreds of days before something happens. Even if you were as crazy as me, having hundreds of ONSs doesn't happen. If you're a prostituted woman you might have to encounter lots of strangers, and everyone knows that's really dangerous.

Shiteshow100 · 05/01/2022 23:10

Not all people on hook up sites are single... My ex was on several 🤮🤮🤮 worst part being everyone knew apart from silly little me!

Justgettingbye · 05/01/2022 23:18

@Shiteshow100

Not all people on hook up sites are single... My ex was on several 🤮🤮🤮 worst part being everyone knew apart from silly little me!
Ditto Sad
Itsnotover · 05/01/2022 23:21

I used to do this but I wouldn't now. You assume the person you meet won't be an axe murderer. But in reality there are more obvious reasons why it's not the best thing ti do.

DixonD · 05/01/2022 23:24

@Sportslady44

No I haven't and I'm not victim blaming. Just saying it's very dangerous to go to someone's house the first time you meet them. Genuine post why not.
I agree.

It’s one of the (many) reasons I have never, would never, have a one night stand.

Nightday · 05/01/2022 23:28

@Shiteshow100

Not all people on hook up sites are single... My ex was on several 🤮🤮🤮 worst part being everyone knew apart from silly little me!
It’s not a small minority either ! Loads of married men on dating sites.
Mother87 · 05/01/2022 23:32

@Frankola

This isn't a new human behaviour.

This is something that has come to light more due to dating apps.

In the 90s Colin Ireland used a gay bar in London to pick up gay men, go home with them for sex, and kill them.

These predators have been around for decades and decades. Its just that the rise of dating apps and social media has brought it to light more.

I've done things as a teenager and in my twenties that I pray to God my daughter never even considers. Many have.
But none of these kind of crimes are the victims fault you understand?

It's utterly the fault of the predator.

ThisBlush
suzy2b · 05/01/2022 23:36

Did it a few times in my younger days late 70s early 80s never gave it a thought

Wreath21 · 05/01/2022 23:40

I did it loads and no one has murdered me. To be fair I used to meet people in clubs and at parties and sometimes we would have a friend or acquaintance in common which possibly decreased the risk of that night's Hot Guy being a murderer... but if you meet people via apps or OLD the general safety advice is to at least start the evening in a public place like a pub or bar and bail on going home with them/taking them home if you feel uncomfortable.
I think there have been studies which show that hookups are statistically safer for heterosexual women than longterm relationships (ie more women are hurt or even killed by men they are in a relationship with than men they pick up for a bit of fun). Certainly longterm relationships can be extremely dangerous, not least because abusive, misogynistic men often bide their time until the woman's life is fairly enmeshed with theirs (shared home, DC together, financial entanglement) before escalating the abuse.

Wreath21 · 05/01/2022 23:45

There are quite a few things which people percieve as a lot more dangerous than they actually are (such as fear of flying - car accidents are much more frequent than aeroplane accidents). Not only have I had loads of casual sexual encounters and survived, but so have a lot of my friends and acquaintances. I did know someone who was murdered, 20 years ago, but this was in the course of a robbery.
A lot of the whining and scaremongering about casual sex for women is just patriarchy - women should not be allowed to have sex on their own terms, women's sexuality must be owned and controlled by men, etc.

StrifeOfBath · 06/01/2022 01:01

I have had plenty of ONSs. Usually with people met at parties or events, so friends of friends, or in clubs, so yours and / or their friends saw you with them, saw you leaving.

This to me seems less risky than a hook up from the internet. No traceability, no accountability, no witnesses, anyone can be anyone in the internet and it is a place where plenty of people go for that very reason.

Quite happy to flex my sexuality as a woman… but meeting total strangers in non public spaces? Nope. Mostly, People wouldn’t even engage a dog Walker without references, and that has nothing to do with the patriarchy.

Trust has to be built, you start out cautiously, or with references!

MrsFizziwig · 06/01/2022 01:03

The reason is hormones.
They are responsible for a lot of irrational behaviour.

araiwa · 06/01/2022 03:52

If you married and had children with them, it wasn't a ons Confused

WalkingOnTheCracks · 06/01/2022 04:44

Aren't people too scared?

Apparently not.

Next question…

BruceBogtrottersWife · 06/01/2022 05:18

I've done it. I honestly do not believe it is as dangerous for lesbians. Women just aren't as likely to kill you.

Obviously take the common sense precautions.

Veeveeoxox · 06/01/2022 06:45

I've had a few but to be honest causal sex / ONS's tend to be shit they don't know what you like , you don't know what they like and it's hard to feel comfortable with someone you have just met. I've never been able to orgasm from an ONS Blush This is without the murdering aspect so if I was single today I'd stay at home and have a brew as opposed to go shagging some random.

SquirrelG · 06/01/2022 07:07

Great post @StrifeOfBath.

Brieandcamembert · 06/01/2022 07:18

You lock your front door because there are burglar's. You conceal you pin number and password because there are fraudsters.

Paying attention to personal safety should fall into the same category. It's not victim blaming to say people need to consider safety.

BarryTheKestrel · 06/01/2022 07:25

About 13 years ago I had a summer of ONSs. I was 20 at the time. 4 were regulars in the bar I worked in so I knew them well enough to be comfortable to bring them to my home. The 2 'strangers' again, people I met through work but not enough to know them well, I sent a text with their address, phone number, name etc to one of my housemates with a, if I'm not home by tomorrow lunchtime or have not contacted you, call the police. I have always been very risk adverse, even when taking risks. I had a great time that summer after being in a LTR since high school and after the supposed final ONS, well, we've been married for 10 years this year!

Lovemusic33 · 06/01/2022 07:29

your more likely to be abused/murdered by some one you know

I have been subject to sexual assault/rape, both times by men I was in a relationship with. I have never been assaulted by a one night stand. Generally when you hook up with someone you both want the same thing, if you find someone online you tend to talk quite a bit before meeting so you kind of lay down some rule before hand. I wouldn’t do it now I’m older but have done in the past.

ShippingNews · 06/01/2022 07:41

@Lacedwithgrace

They don't go to be murdered. Don't blame the victims
This sort of comment really annoys me. Surely if you put yourself in harm's way it's a stupid thing to do. Nobody would recommend walking across a motorway in heavy traffic , or driving without a seat belt, because it's dangerous. Yet in a situation like this, anyone who dares to say that the victim shouldn't have put themselves in harm's way , is labeled a "victim blamer". Surely we can all take care with our own safety ?
ZoeTheThornyDevil · 06/01/2022 07:57

May not be the victims fault but that is no bloody good to her if she is raped, battered or dead

As PP point out, on that basis for women's own safety we should all stick to casual encounters and avoid anything turning serious. Fewer women raped, battered or dead!

Queenoftheashes · 06/01/2022 08:14

Zoe is right. For example when I was raped it was by someone who was initially a one night stand but at that point I had been with him a year, knew him well and was hanging out with him and his and my friends regularly. I’d have been better off never seeing him a second time.

Thatldo · 06/01/2022 08:25

Animals just shag when they are on heat,why would humans be different?fear or no fear, if a man needs to empty his nuts and a woman is randy,sex happens.

Itsnotover · 06/01/2022 13:04

Animals just shag when they are on heat,why would humans be different?fear or no fear, if a man needs to empty his nuts and a woman is randy,sex happens.

Yuck.

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