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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss asked if my pregnancy was a mistake

78 replies

HoneyBlahBlah · 05/01/2022 17:44

Just that really. Told my Line Manager that I'm pregnant, and he congratulated me, to which I thanked him. He then asked me if it was planned or not.

I felt super weird but politely answered as I didn't know what else to say. I've since told my colleague (who is also pregnant), and she said he asked her the same thing when she told him.

My boss and I have a strictly professional relationship, we're not friends and don't go into detail about our private lives with eachother.

Am I bring ridiculous to think this inappropriate?

OP posts:
colourfulpuddles · 05/01/2022 17:45

How is it inappropriate? Confused It’s just a question.

AmandaHoldensLips · 05/01/2022 17:46

What the fuck? That's outrageous. What a twat.

shouldistop · 05/01/2022 17:47

@colourfulpuddles

How is it inappropriate? Confused It’s just a question.
Seriously?
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/01/2022 17:47

It’s an intrusive, unnecessary personal question. I don’t think anyone other than your doctor and midwife should ask it.

Chely · 05/01/2022 17:47

It's a pretty standard question imo, one of those really annoying ones. You'll get asked more annoying ones as the months pass.

LeedleLee · 05/01/2022 17:47

@colourfulpuddles a question that is absolutely none of his business. Why does her boss need to know wether he pregnancy was planned??

Matbest · 05/01/2022 17:48

Totally inappropriate but I have heard this happen to other people too.

WeAllHaveWings · 05/01/2022 17:48

A bit awkward, but I guess he was just trying to think of something to say, not looking to put "excellent planning skills" in your next review.

Shauni29 · 05/01/2022 17:48

Wtf? that's none of his business.

WimpoleHat · 05/01/2022 17:48

@colourfulpuddles

How is it inappropriate? Confused It’s just a question.
Are you struggling to conceive? Did you mean to put on so much weight over Christmas? How much do you earn?

All of these are “just questions”, but, like the one asked of the OP, generally highly inappropriate….

shouldistop · 05/01/2022 17:48

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

It’s an intrusive, unnecessary personal question. I don’t think anyone other than your doctor and midwife should ask it.
I've had 2 children and the midwife hasn't asked either time
colourfulpuddles · 05/01/2022 17:49

[quote LeedleLee]@colourfulpuddles a question that is absolutely none of his business. Why does her boss need to know wether he pregnancy was planned??[/quote]
He was asking a question. He was interested. Nothing to do with need.

YippeeKiYay155 · 05/01/2022 17:49

When I told my boss I was pregnant he responded with "you play, you pay" He was a twat too. This was back in 2007 but I still remember it.

CatsArePeople · 05/01/2022 17:50

It is inappropriate. That means two things - 1) either you planned to take a break from work, and maybe quit; 2) you were careless with contraception. Either can be seen as a negative.

Say its a gift from God.

krazipan · 05/01/2022 17:50

My (male) boss also said the same to me!

LiveFromNewYork · 05/01/2022 17:50

Does he have kids of his own?

BatshitBanshee · 05/01/2022 17:51

Totally inappropriate for a manager to ask this in a professional setting. Do you have a HR department? I wouldn't make a complaint as such, but I would ask if this is a routine question they ask as company policy. For nothing else, just have it recorded he said it.

NatMoz · 05/01/2022 17:51

My boss asked my husband this question too!

NatMoz · 05/01/2022 17:52

Not my boss, his boss doh

Cam2020 · 05/01/2022 17:52

Inappropriate question but your title is pure click bait - he asked if it was planned not whether it was a mistake! That's a completely different question and would have been completely inappropriate, rather than a bit gauche.

Original poster
HoneyBlahBlah · 05/01/2022 17:52

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

It’s an intrusive, unnecessary personal question. I don’t think anyone other than your doctor and midwife should ask it.
Not even my midwife nor Doctor asked that. But I wouldn't have batted an eyelid if they did ask 🤷‍♀️
OP posts:
MrsColon · 05/01/2022 17:54

@Chely

It's a pretty standard question imo, one of those really annoying ones. You'll get asked more annoying ones as the months pass.
WTF? I've never been asked that, or asked anyone that! On what planet is that standard?! Confused
Lipsandlashes · 05/01/2022 17:55

Someone at work said this to me when I was pregnant with DD1 (after fertility treatment). She came up to my desk and said “I heard you were pregnant.” I replied yes and she barked “planned?” At me. Absolutely bonkers but I’ve never forgotten how wildly inappropriate it was.

Mumdiva99 · 05/01/2022 17:55

I was asked this next a female boss in 2007. She asked I think because my boyfriend and I didn't officially live together, and didn't until baby was nearly here. No big deal to me at the time.....I think I would roll my eyes now and not answer as its a bit rude...

user114653217696248626 · 05/01/2022 17:55

Asking if it was planned isn't the same as asking if your pregnancy was a "mistake" .