My Father in Law

[Isitjustme123]

Hi All

I just wanted to ask and get others thoughts on this really.

I am a woman in a relationship with my partner, also a woman of three years. She is an only child and VERY close to her mum and dad. Its very hard to say anything as he can certainly do no wrong. Like a sheep at times.

On New Years Eve however my mum in law sadly passed away and my partner is naturally devastated. My father in law used to give me a kiss on the cheek and vice versa, as you do upon greeting him.

Since my mum in laws sad passing he is now saying ohh none of this kissing on the cheek malarkey and kisses me on the lips and I do not like it, at all. I never kissed my own father on the lips never mind my father in law! I don't want to upset my partner at any time but especially at the moment by saying anything but I want it to stop.

I have dodged it every time and gone to kiss on the cheek and that's when he says it and kisses me on the lips. I cringe.I dread going round now and it cannot carry on but don't want to upset anyone.

Can anyone advise the best way to deal with this?

Thanks

Tell him it makes you uncomfortable, put a hand up to stop him. It’s ok to skip a few visits there as well. Talk to your partner about it if you haven’t

Your MIL died 5 days ago and he's now kissing you on the mouth every time you see him? Im' going to be charitable and wonder if there's some kind of weird shock reaction that's causing this?

Having said that, there's no need to put up with it. As you go in, just say no. You can be friendly and you can laugh about it if you want, but you don't have to do it.
"no no FIL, I don't do mouth kissing except with DP"
"haha, not a chance - here, let me give you a hug".

Or just say, "No, I don't like that" if you want to be more direct.

Inappropriate. Does he do this do his daughter as well?

Turn the other cheek literally or hug him this would unnerve me too perhaps he now sees you as "close family " but it's not on is it? Say to your partner obviously not at the moment but maybe in a few weeks.

Extremely inappropriate. You need to tell him and his daughter that you will not accept this. Don't be embarrassed, he is in the wrong.

It’s always OK to be clear and firm.

“No, not for me. I don’t do mouth kissing “, and move on.

Tell him to stop.

Well I don't like it when he hugs her and then he has his hands on her bum, I think that's just me and obviously he is not like that with it but I never had that kind of relationship with my dad and I don't like it.

I have to be careful as its dad this and dad that and every other word at the moment and drives me mad.Its always been like that in many ways. Now I get the feeling its going to be worse! I want a relationship with her not him as well!

Anyway, I will have to pick my time to say anything to her but I know when he does it I will just turn my head then? And say something subtle? Like? Just the cheek is fine , I didn't even kiss my own dad on the lips.

Tell him you have cold sores

Don’t be subtle he needs to know you are on to him and find it disgusting.
It is disgusting, his wife is not yet even cold in her grave, and he is trying it on.
I’d tell him loud and clear you don’t like kissing him at all.
Nor hugging either.
Dirty old man. And so disrespectful to his poor wife

She is clearly close to her dad might be a problem for you In the future but to be fair her mum has only been dead less than a week so you might need to just bear the dad this n that for a while yet.

I would also hate this. I don't kiss anyone on the mouth except for DH, & I would let DD (9) kiss me on the mouth if she initiated it. I've always felt this way.

You can either tell him straight out that you don't want to, or avoid him, or turn your head away when he goes to do it. He's not related to you, surely he can see it's weird & inappropriate unless you specifically consent? And I'd definitely have a conversation with your partner about it as well. It sounds like your FIL has some inappropriate flexibility of boundaries.

I'm sorry, he hugs his daughter and puts his hands on her bum? Sounds like his wife stopped him acting on his disgusting desires and now she's gone, I suspect you're going to have trouble with him.

Put out your hand and say no. Do not kiss me.

If in order to keep your partner you have to frenchie her dad and watch while he feels her up, it's not bloody worth it!

Just step back and say to him 'no I'm not kissing you on the mouth as it makes me very uncomfortable' . I wouldn't discuss it with partner

Her dads a creep. What grown man puts his hands on his adult daughters bum? Did he do that when her mom was alive too?

Be nice, be kind, don’t make a fuss, lie and make excuses, be polite. Good grief this is 2022 and women are still having to behave like this in the face of sexual assault. Jesus wept….
No, it is inappropriate, I don’t like that, you know I don’t like that, it is disrespectful don’t do it. If you do you will not see me again. Don’t hug me or kiss me again. Am I being clear. If partner doesn’t back you up then bin her off quite simply.

@girlmom21

Her dads a creep. What grown man puts his hands on his adult daughters bum? Did he do that when her mom was alive too?

This Eww on so many levels

Def sounds like his wife kept him in check as his behaviour is hugely inappropriate.
I think you’ll have to be very definite with him —- hand up and say firmly I do cheek ( or air) kissing only.
Do you think he’s behaved inappropriately with your partner in the past? ( trying to be delicate here)

Covid safe elbow bumps all round

Well I don't like it when he hugs her and then he has his hands on her bum

This cannot be real!
WTH?

He sounds like a randy old goat. Slap his hands away. Make a scene. Grieving or not he is disgusting..
Or personally never visit and tell anyone who asks why.