Aibu to be upset as I want another child.

[M2AL]

Hey everyone dc is coming up to two. Me and dh been together 14 years. We had a bit of a traumatic birth ending in emergency c section and as it was around the times of covid dh was all alone while I was having the csection . I have got my mind set on trying for another baby in the next few months . Dh doesn’t want anymore. As the whole birth has put him off and we also own a two bedroom house which he is using as an example to why we shouldn’t have another child. I just want dc to have someone to play with. I am not angry at his decision. AIBU to feel upset that his decision isn’t the Same as mine.

He may have made his choice now, but may not be final, its definitely something worth more talking over...

@Babdoc

OP, ask your DH which he would prefer - having a second child with you, or having a divorce so you can have a second child with a new partner. It might make him realise how serious you are about this issue.

That's a horrible ultimatum. Why can't his decision be respected, and OP can make up get own mind about what to do?

Get=her, fat thumbs.

OP, I‘m in the same situation and know it’s hard. DH and I went to counselling but even that wasn’t very helpful. We‘ve had numerous talks about this but at the end of the day it’s an emotional want for me - I can‘t give a rational explanation. He‘s very rational so I know he’s not going to come round to my viewpoint. I hope you will find a way to deal with this

I cannot believe people are just disregarding the DH's feelings in this.
He doesn't owe the op children you know, he's not a baby making machine.

Nor do I @needmyhatandscarf!

Did you have a birth debrief with the hospital/midwife/doctor? I think it sounds like you and your husband could really benefit from this, to discuss exactly what happened and to find out what the chances are of it happening again. How do you yourself feel about having another baby in terms of trying for a VBAC or having an elective c section? Is your DH against having a second child in the family, or afraid of you having a second birth because of what happened first time?

@Briarshollow

He’s absolutely entitled to want no further children, and the one who doesn’t want them takes precedent……but…….he didn’t go through a traumatic birth. He sat in his own in a room while you did. Not to entirely diminish his experience, that must have been worrying, but I do inwardly roll my eyes at men like that.

Wow. My kids dad in my opinion had a worse time of it than me mentally I don't remember most of it. He remembers every gruesome part of it

@Babdoc

OP, ask your DH which he would prefer - having a second child with you, or having a divorce so you can have a second child with a new partner. It might make him realise how serious you are about this issue.

Lovely response to dismissing a traumatised husband.

Throw around ultimations and scweam and scweam until you get your way.

Yep, that's definitely the adult approach to this situation

@Caiti19 why are his feelings not worthy enough? I was terrified after my eldests birth so if I decided I didn’t want more based on that I don’t think it would make me wrong. If the guy was terrified at the thought of lack of control and fear for his wife and child that is understandable, just because he doesn’t want the same thing it doesn’t mean he needs a ‘better’ reason,

I feel your pain OP . I was in a similar position. I loved my family I just knew I wanted one more childz I don’t understand why people are being so harsh on OP. She’s only stated that she would like a sibling for her child as she can see the benefits and she would like another child.
He may come Round to the idea in time. My husband did. But you are not wrong to want to extend your family at all