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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder being unfair?

96 replies

Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 20:02

Hi all,

Would be interested to hear peoples opinions on this. We had a crèche place for my son when I was due to return from maternity leave but when covid hit they reduced the numbers down and we lost his place. A family member offered to mind our son, paid of course so we were of course delighted as I could go back to work. I’d taken all the additional leave I could so it was a relief at the time. I make all meals and do school pick up for our daughter most days. I also altered my hours to allow her to start later in the morning at 9:30 and finish at 4. She wasn’t available Mondays so I took parental leave for that day. We paid her full pay for months when my husbands hours were cut to 3 hours a day due to covid, she never asked if we needed anything and left everyday after 3 hours even though we had to homeschool my older daughter too and I was working. It was a nightmare. We pay her full pay for her holidays, our holidays and sick pay. We paid her almost 3 weeks up front at Xmas time as I took some time off and again she never asked if we needed even an hour for Xmas shopping during that time. My husband thinks she is taking advantage and wants to stop paying her if she is unavailable, if we take holidays etc. we would pay her. Do you think this is fair? I’m starting to agree, I think we have been more than fair but don’t feel we are getting the same back from her!

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/01/2022 20:05

Well from what I can gather you needed to be more assertive and tell her - we need you to look after Ds for x hours, which we agreed. She might have thought you wanted her to leave then.

Or you can cut your losses and try different childcare.

Allllchange · 04/01/2022 20:06

I think you really need to formalise things in a contract so everybody has clear expectations. Do you pay her the going rate or have a discount/mates rates as that could complicate things and put you on a bit of a back footing.

PaniniHead · 04/01/2022 20:07

Is she a childminder or a nanny? Registered? Suitable licensing? Foster registered?
If none of the above, it’s a family member being paid to babysit.
I would look in to alternative arrangements

converseandjeans · 04/01/2022 20:12

My childminder used to charge half in school hols and we could either use the hours or not (we usually didn't as we both teach). Then in childminder took hols she didn't charge.

I think they're taking advantage tbh & you could maybe start using nursery and use excuse that you want them to mix more?

Once you get free hours they need to be properly registered otherwise they can't claim back off govt. You could also use this as an excuse?

Maybe give them notice - and just stop couple of days?

I think they were cheeky to take full pay in lockdown but only do 3 hours.

onedayoranother · 04/01/2022 20:13

You mean you are paying her to work when you are both at work but when you are at home she leaves? And you havent reduced her pay? Why didn't you say something the first time she (?) did this? Say you need her for the full day or come to another arrangement. I don't understand why you haven't told her what you require!

SeasonFinale · 04/01/2022 20:15

It sounds as though you employ a babysitter and have an informal arrangement as it certainly does not sound like a childminder's contract.

As for her offering when you took time off surely it was you to say although I am off I need you to have DC today for 3 hours (to do your shopping). You gave her the day off so she couldn't be expected to mind read.

monkeysox · 04/01/2022 20:17

Is she employed or cash in hand?

Stichintime · 04/01/2022 20:18

Shes not a childminder though is she?

Original poster
Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 20:18

She is getting paid high end of childminder rates and yes she is a childminder. We told her what we need but we were desperate during covid as we had no other options available and I needed to go back to work. She thinks if we are at home we should mind them but is happy to take full pay. Think it might be time to look at other options, she is a family member so it’s very awkward but at the same time feel like she is taking advantage now. As you can probably tell I hate confrontation!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 20:20

Btw I do tell her what I need and don’t expect her to mindread at all but am regularly told it doesn’t suit or I didn’t give enough notice etc. She wants days notice in advance for everything and as I’m sure you know working with young kids that can be difficult!

OP posts:
Kshhuxnxk · 04/01/2022 20:21

So you're paying her 9.30 - 4.00 (6.5 hours) but she's only working 3 hours? Why on earth are you letting this continue?

PaniniHead · 04/01/2022 20:21

Why are you paying her sick leave? She’s definitely taking advantage

GrazingSheep · 04/01/2022 20:21

Is she your sister?

AutumnLeaves21 · 04/01/2022 20:23

Oh no, absolutely not. She’s taking the kids. I’d find another childminder.

LIZS · 04/01/2022 20:25

She is not a child minder if she works in your home. She is a nanny, so should be on payroll as employee, registered for tax etc, why do you allow her to work shorter hours if you pay her in full.

WisestIsShe · 04/01/2022 20:26

As others have said, she is not a registered, regulated, trained and insured childminder. She is a nanny.

QforCucumber · 04/01/2022 20:27

Erm yes she should expect notice as a registered official childminder. I have to give notice to my childminder and nursery if I’m keeping kids home or changing their days, and if I’m keeping them home out of choice I still pay the contracted days.

Cocomarine · 04/01/2022 20:27

She knows her boundaries, and her worth.
As she’s an actual childminder, this sounds like her job. So yes, she wants notice for everything!
And if you didn’t pay her full time during Covid, she could have taken on another client who did.
You’re mixing up a business and personal relationship - but she isn’t!
Why did you take your younger child home after short hours when your husband’s hours were cut? As you were paying anyway, that was the perfect time for him to focus on homeschooling the older one with the childcare for the younger one taken care of.

ZoeTheThornyDevil · 04/01/2022 20:27

Either she is a registered childminder working in her own home or she is a nanny working in yours and she is legally an employee. Which is it?

Justathought2016 · 04/01/2022 20:28

Is she is a Childminder registered with Ofsted ? Where are her other minded children while she is caring for your children at your house ??
If your children are the only children she is minding then she should be available for the hours you are paying her for. However it is your own fault that you’ve let her get away with this for so long. If you’d had a proper contract things between you both would have been much clearer from the start.
Note……a Childminder cares for children in her own home, a registered Childcare setting. A babysitter or a Nanny cares for children in their home.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 04/01/2022 20:29

She thinks if we are at home we should mind them
Thats nons of her business and she doesnt get to decide.

Cocomarine · 04/01/2022 20:31

Maybe she didn’t ask if you wanted to take them over Xmas when you were home, because she knows you have a tongue in your head!

Maryann1975 · 04/01/2022 20:32

When you say she is being paid high end childminder fees, normally a childminder looks after more than one child at a time, which is how they make a living. Looking after one children and being paid normal (albeit high end) childminder fees Won’t be enough to live off. Are you in England? Do you have a contract, does she have insurance/first aid/registration? A childminder would Have those things and be self employed. If you are paying holidays, you are employing a nanny. Have you looked in to the tax implications/pension/sick leave entitlement of employing someone?

I think what you have is a family member babysitting for your child. I’d find a proper registered childcarer, sort a contract (a registered provider would do this without you asking for one) and get your dc proper care that doesn’t take advantage of you.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 04/01/2022 20:32

She is getting paid high end of childminder rates and yes she is a childminder

No she isn't....

Thesearmsofmine · 04/01/2022 20:34

If she is a registered childminder then you would have a contract so surely refer to that?

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