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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder being unfair?

96 replies

Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 20:02

Hi all,

Would be interested to hear peoples opinions on this. We had a crèche place for my son when I was due to return from maternity leave but when covid hit they reduced the numbers down and we lost his place. A family member offered to mind our son, paid of course so we were of course delighted as I could go back to work. I’d taken all the additional leave I could so it was a relief at the time. I make all meals and do school pick up for our daughter most days. I also altered my hours to allow her to start later in the morning at 9:30 and finish at 4. She wasn’t available Mondays so I took parental leave for that day. We paid her full pay for months when my husbands hours were cut to 3 hours a day due to covid, she never asked if we needed anything and left everyday after 3 hours even though we had to homeschool my older daughter too and I was working. It was a nightmare. We pay her full pay for her holidays, our holidays and sick pay. We paid her almost 3 weeks up front at Xmas time as I took some time off and again she never asked if we needed even an hour for Xmas shopping during that time. My husband thinks she is taking advantage and wants to stop paying her if she is unavailable, if we take holidays etc. we would pay her. Do you think this is fair? I’m starting to agree, I think we have been more than fair but don’t feel we are getting the same back from her!

OP posts:
thickthighs73 · 04/01/2022 20:35

Has it been established if it’s a actual registered childminder OP can you clarify

Cocomarine · 04/01/2022 20:38

@Grace2016

Btw I do tell her what I need and don’t expect her to mindread at all but am regularly told it doesn’t suit or I didn’t give enough notice etc. She wants days notice in advance for everything and as I’m sure you know working with young kids that can be difficult!
What are you actually giving notice to her for? Because I found the opposite - young child + work was by necessity quite a regimented predictable period in my life.
glitterelf · 04/01/2022 20:43

She's not a childminder if she's working in your home.

Original poster
Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 20:46

She is a registered childminder and I pay her full rate, I asked for advice on here as to what people normally do for holidays, sick pay etc. It’s been a nightmare during covid and we have done everything by the book and been more than fair!

OP posts:
Original poster
Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 20:49

What I mean by notice is for example I need my daughter picked up at school today because my other child is sick and I can’t go. Or our work hours have changed due to covid, things beyond our control. We always give plenty of notice and are very fair in regards to anything else

OP posts:
LIZS · 04/01/2022 20:49

Then you would normally pay holidays and time you have booked but not used. A cm works from their home though and is self employed, a nanny is not.

3mealsaday · 04/01/2022 20:49

She needs to be available for the hours you're paying her for. If she's not available to work during those hours, why are you paying her?

Tbh, this arrangement sounds like a real mess and she's clearly taking advantage so I'd end it and look for a registered childminder or nursery who will provide you with a decent, professional service and your DC with consistent care.

LIZS · 04/01/2022 20:50

She does not have to agree to your changes though. You are blurring boundaries by expecting it.

Troublesometooth · 04/01/2022 20:51

@Grace2016

She is a registered childminder and I pay her full rate, I asked for advice on here as to what people normally do for holidays, sick pay etc. It’s been a nightmare during covid and we have done everything by the book and been more than fair!
If she is a registered childminder she wouldn’t usually be working in your home. What you seem to have is a nanny.

Sort out a contract. Set days and times.

She is taking the mickey, but you are allowing her to.

Maryann1975 · 04/01/2022 20:56

If she’s a Registered childminder, in England, she should not be working from your house. The property she is working from needs to be checked by Ofsted to make sure it is suitable and every adult living in that house need to be DBS checked. I’ll ask again. Where abouts are you op?
In answer to your question. YABU. A childminder is self employed, will give parents a list of holiday dates they are having off and will invoice for the contracted hours plus any extra overtime hours that have been mutually agreed. They work from there home so would not collect your other child unless it was agreed in advance and they have a contract/child record forms etc in place for the other child.

When you say you give notice for changes, are you physically changing the contract each month? I’d be giving you notice! You pay for whatever the contract says you pay for. If there is no contract, you are on murky ground, but don’t really have a leg to stand on.

Tillsforthrills · 04/01/2022 20:59

Unless she is a registered Ofsted childminder and not a family member helping out, then this title and thread is very misleading.

ZoeTheThornyDevil · 04/01/2022 21:00

You've strongly implied she's caring for your child in your home. A childminder can't legally do that. If she is doing that, she is categorically not a childminder.

You can't get any useful advice until you actually clarify whether this is in your home or hers, because legally the situations and cost are completely different.

Kite22 · 04/01/2022 21:02

@3mealsaday

She needs to be available for the hours you're paying her for. If she's not available to work during those hours, why are you paying her?

Tbh, this arrangement sounds like a real mess and she's clearly taking advantage so I'd end it and look for a registered childminder or nursery who will provide you with a decent, professional service and your DC with consistent care.

This
Cocomarine · 04/01/2022 21:04

@Grace2016

What I mean by notice is for example I need my daughter picked up at school today because my other child is sick and I can’t go. Or our work hours have changed due to covid, things beyond our control. We always give plenty of notice and are very fair in regards to anything else
You can’t just expect a childminder to do a collection they don’t usually do. You can expect it of a nanny though. This is neither, I’m guessing - lots of cash in hand and no tax?
Kitkat151 · 04/01/2022 21:04

She can’t be a childminder if she working in your home🤔

Tillsforthrills · 04/01/2022 21:04

@Grace2016

Btw I do tell her what I need and don’t expect her to mindread at all but am regularly told it doesn’t suit or I didn’t give enough notice etc. She wants days notice in advance for everything and as I’m sure you know working with young kids that can be difficult!
Omg you sound like a nightmare!

A days notice is nothing!

Also, unless specified she’s well within her rights to charge her hours. You seem to think you’re doing her some sort of favour so expect her to work and offer her time because you’re finding your portion of childcare difficult. It doesn’t work like that!

If she’s registered and put in her contract that she is to be paid holidays and you agreed to it and signed it why are you complaining?

TatianaBis · 04/01/2022 21:06

@Kshhuxnxk

So you're paying her 9.30 - 4.00 (6.5 hours) but she's only working 3 hours? Why on earth are you letting this continue?
This is what it sounds like but OP hasn’t specified.

OP are you paying her for a full day or for 3 hours/ day?

SeasonFinale · 04/01/2022 21:07

If you are paying in accordance with your contract then that is what needs to be paid.

However when she decides to go off after 3 hours why didn't you ever ask where she was going and why she was leaving rather than doing her job? And if you allowed her to leave early why didn't you clarify you would only be paying hours actually worked.

She is not a childminder if working in your home. So I doubt she has a childminder's contract or indeed any at all.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/01/2022 21:07

If she's a registered childminder I assume she has other children - why's she at your house? That sounds more like a nanny.

Is there a contract in place?

Tillsforthrills · 04/01/2022 21:07

How much do you pay her an hour OP? Do tell.

Peppapigforlife · 04/01/2022 21:09

İ think the solution is simple. You give her the choice. She only gets paid for the hours she works and you'll pay her holidays according to the number of average hours she does. İf she wants to get paid for full hours, she works all of those hours, and if she wants to work part time i.e. not be available to help, when you're off from work, then she only gets paid for the hours that she actually is around. But I also think you need to give her notice the week before if you're going to be home and still want her to be around Tuesday for food shopping for example. İn a nutshell, she just needs contracted hours and you need to only pay her for the actual hours she works. You can't blame her for not offering to help with things, as it's not her job description to offer help, you need to be clear with her when you expect her to be around.

glitterelf · 04/01/2022 21:10

Let's be honest she's clearly not an ofsted registered childminder as she's working from your home. If she was an ofsted registered her home or business premises would've been inspected and registered to provide care. In this instance how would she have known your husband was only working for 3 hours ?
You are expecting an awful lot from this person by chopping and changing your expectations at short notice.

AlexanderArnold · 04/01/2022 21:13

I don't think you'd be asking these questions here if you had employed a proper, Ofsted registered childminder. You'd have a contract, her hours and duties, and your responsibilities would all be set out there. She wouldn't be collecting your child from school with even several days notice, as that's just not how most cm work. If they are collecting, it's in the contract and in the routine, not a random add on. But they would also be working the hours contracted, in their Ofsted inspected home setting.

Even if your relative has some cm qualifications, it doesn't sound as if you've employed her as a childminder. She's a relative who is babysitting for cash and your boundaries are blurred, which is why you have a bit of a mess.

Daisy829 · 04/01/2022 21:14

If she’s a registered childminder you should have a contract with rates re hols etc agreed. I’m a childminder and don’t charge if I can’t work due to hols/sickness but still charge if I’m available for work but the child doesn’t attend. In addition to this, if a parent isn’t working & it’s their contracted day for me to have the child I would still charge this if the child attends or not. Often the child will attend & it gives parents chance to do things for themselves. You need to get this formalised.

yellowtwo · 04/01/2022 21:18

Op, is she good with the kids? If so and you are happy with her minding them, I would talk to her the next day you can and say you are working out hours now that your DP is home/ you are at home or that you'd like to go over everything again for the new year.
Have it all written down for each day, what the hours are and the payment for each day, and give a copy to her and keep one for yourself.

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