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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder being unfair?

96 replies

Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 20:02

Hi all,

Would be interested to hear peoples opinions on this. We had a crèche place for my son when I was due to return from maternity leave but when covid hit they reduced the numbers down and we lost his place. A family member offered to mind our son, paid of course so we were of course delighted as I could go back to work. I’d taken all the additional leave I could so it was a relief at the time. I make all meals and do school pick up for our daughter most days. I also altered my hours to allow her to start later in the morning at 9:30 and finish at 4. She wasn’t available Mondays so I took parental leave for that day. We paid her full pay for months when my husbands hours were cut to 3 hours a day due to covid, she never asked if we needed anything and left everyday after 3 hours even though we had to homeschool my older daughter too and I was working. It was a nightmare. We pay her full pay for her holidays, our holidays and sick pay. We paid her almost 3 weeks up front at Xmas time as I took some time off and again she never asked if we needed even an hour for Xmas shopping during that time. My husband thinks she is taking advantage and wants to stop paying her if she is unavailable, if we take holidays etc. we would pay her. Do you think this is fair? I’m starting to agree, I think we have been more than fair but don’t feel we are getting the same back from her!

OP posts:
endlesscraziness · 04/01/2022 21:19

You categorically don't have a Childminder if she's in your home and if you're paying her 'higher end Childminder rates' it sounds like she's not making minimum wage. It sounds like you're on very shaky ground legally

Rtmhwales · 04/01/2022 21:19

I suspect that the relative is a registered childminder who wasn't working for whatever reason and the OP has now employed her in her own home for 6.5 hours a day like a nanny. Or like using one your kids' nursery teachers as a babysitter in their off time etc. And when OP's husband comes home after 3h of work, even though the relative is paid for a full day, she decides the parents can handle the children and leaves. And that even when the OP needs her to do a school pick up during the routine hours, the relative is saying no because she's used to working say 9:30-12:30 when OP's husband is out and doesn't want to come back and do the school run.. despite the fact she's paid for it already. At least that's how I read it.

LIZS · 04/01/2022 21:22

@Rtmhwales

I suspect that the relative is a registered childminder who wasn't working for whatever reason and the OP has now employed her in her own home for 6.5 hours a day like a nanny. Or like using one your kids' nursery teachers as a babysitter in their off time etc. And when OP's husband comes home after 3h of work, even though the relative is paid for a full day, she decides the parents can handle the children and leaves. And that even when the OP needs her to do a school pick up during the routine hours, the relative is saying no because she's used to working say 9:30-12:30 when OP's husband is out and doesn't want to come back and do the school run.. despite the fact she's paid for it already. At least that's how I read it.
Yes that is my interpretation. Even if she were a registered cm , that is not the capacity in which she is working for op.
Original poster
Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 21:27

It’s already agreed in advance re collecting my daughter but I do it some days because I want to. I asked her to do it that day because my son was sick and I had him at home and couldn’t go - she was paid for that day in full btw and she is a few mins drive from the school! I was told I didn’t give enough notice and she had made plans although she did collect her in the end.. I’d never make major changes to anything agreed like days etc. I don’t have written contract just verbal and tbh I think a lot of the issue is it’s a family member and I thought if I was fair they would be to. Don’t think it’s working out though and should prob make other arrangements! She only minds my 2 children atm but is a proper childminder and did have other kids previously. She went back to being a childminder during covid when she lost her other job

OP posts:
Peppapigforlife · 04/01/2022 21:31

Had you made it clear to her that you would need her that day, or was it assumed she wouldn't be working as you were at home? İ think you need to make it clear to her which days you actually want her to work and if you've both assumed it is an off day, but paid, you can't just expect her to jump up at your beck and call.

Helendee · 04/01/2022 21:32

You say she ‘went back’ to being a childminder during COVID but surely she would have needed to re-register with Ofsted and go through the whole process again if she had given it up.
Did she do this do you know?

LosingTheWill2 · 04/01/2022 21:32

@Grace2016 is she looking after your children in your home or hers?

Original poster
Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 21:33

To clarify she is a qualified childminder and she minds them in her home not mine. During covid she asked to drop the kids home after the 3 hours but still got full pay. We expected her to keep my youngest a bit longer to allow us to homeschool but that didn’t happen. We thought in good faith she would help more during that time but she didn’t. Btw we had no idea my husbands hours would be cut for that long but that’s what happened and it kind of just dragged on

OP posts:
Kitkat151 · 04/01/2022 21:36

@Grace2016

To clarify she is a qualified childminder and she minds them in her home not mine. During covid she asked to drop the kids home after the 3 hours but still got full pay. We expected her to keep my youngest a bit longer to allow us to homeschool but that didn’t happen. We thought in good faith she would help more during that time but she didn’t. Btw we had no idea my husbands hours would be cut for that long but that’s what happened and it kind of just dragged on
Sounds like you’ve enabled her to take the piss....why not just say to her that you wanted her to care for little one for the full hours she is paid....That said, She’s not a mind reader...she can’t Know your expectations unless you spell it out for her.
LosingTheWill2 · 04/01/2022 21:37

I understand that you would like flexibility but if your contract is set hours for a set fee then no,your childminder is not being unreasonable.

SurfWaves · 04/01/2022 21:38

@LIZS

She is not a child minder if she works in your home. She is a nanny, so should be on payroll as employee, registered for tax etc, why do you allow her to work shorter hours if you pay her in full.
Not all nannies work on payroll, some work as self employed and pay their own tax.
Cocomarine · 04/01/2022 21:38

@Grace2016

To clarify she is a qualified childminder and she minds them in her home not mine. During covid she asked to drop the kids home after the 3 hours but still got full pay. We expected her to keep my youngest a bit longer to allow us to homeschool but that didn’t happen. We thought in good faith she would help more during that time but she didn’t. Btw we had no idea my husbands hours would be cut for that long but that’s what happened and it kind of just dragged on
Why would you have planned for her to have had your older child anyway? Surely if your older child needed to do homeschool, that means she would have been in school anyway - not with the childminder?

Was she doing half the hours but with double the kids? (which might be fair)

Anyway, why didn’t you just say at the time, “actually can you keep Lucy until usual time please? It’s too hard to homeschool Eva with Lucy needing attention too.”
Job done.

LosingTheWill2 · 04/01/2022 21:39

Also, you are completely within your rights to say that you want her to do all of the hours she is paid for.

drpet49 · 04/01/2022 21:39

* To clarify she is a qualified childminder and she minds them in her home not mine. During covid she asked to drop the kids home after the 3 hours but still got full pay.*

^Why on earth have you been paying her full pay for only working 3hrs a day!????? And paying her sick pay and when she goes on holiday????? This is madness!

SurfWaves · 04/01/2022 21:40

@LIZS

Then you would normally pay holidays and time you have booked but not used. A cm works from their home though and is self employed, a nanny is not.
Again- some are self employed.
Pugroll · 04/01/2022 21:40

Find someone else, honestly, it sounds bonkers. If the childminder is open but for whatever reason you don't send your child in then yes you should still pay, if they have to close and so aren't offering the 'service' they shouldn't charge (and you pay if you like, we used to as we could afford to and she didn't take the mick). Read through any future contract, it should protect both you and the childminder in terms of fees, cancellation policy etc.

LosingTheWill2 · 04/01/2022 21:41

Sorry, I should have read all of your posts without replying.
You have no contract so fund alternative childcare and get a firm contract

QforCucumber · 04/01/2022 21:41

From your posts there is a lot of ‘we thought’ and ‘we expected’ did you discuss your assumptions or just expect them?

Also, it doesn’t matter that you paid for ds when he was Ill, that doesn’t then mean she should pick up your dd, they’re 2 separate clients to her and should be paid for and have agreements for separately

Mary46 · 04/01/2022 21:44

Contract be better no grey area. Respect is both ways her end too. Be clear what hours are needed.

Cocomarine · 04/01/2022 21:45

You do say in your OP that this started when she offered to mind your son.

In other universe, is she posting, “I’m only supposed to have the son, but now my family member seems to expect me to run around picking up the daughter and having her too… tbh, I’ve been cutting my hours a bit to unofficially compensate - how do I tell her she’s taking advantage?”

Original poster
Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 21:46

I’m not sure I’m getting myself across here very well.. 😞 What I’m asking for is what the norm is with holidays, sick pay etc. We pay our childminder for sick pay and any holidays she decides to take and when we take holidays. I don’t expect anyone to be at my beck and call - that was one example of the school pick up and maybe a bad one and that was a 5 minute job that happened once in 2 years because we were really stuck. Obviously if she wasn’t available that was completely fine. We pay no matter what the situation and I’m not sure if that’s the norm. I think we need to draw up a contract or for future just wondering what’s the norm here. Thanks for the advice everyone!

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 04/01/2022 21:47

Interesting that after everyone said that she should be minding them in her own home, you have said that’s what happens.

Yet in your OP you complained that she, “left everyday after 3 hours even though we had to homeschool my older daughter too and I was working.”

Left where?

Original poster
Grace2016 · 04/01/2022 21:48

We pay her for both kids btw, one is in school so it’s only 3 hours

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/01/2022 21:49

I'm self employed and always have a contract and never work with family. Contracts are to protect me and the client, so we both know what's expected of each other. I never work with family because I find that they tend to take the piss and expect me to work a lot for free and do things that isn't in my area.

I'm not saying that's you but a contract would make you and your family member understand what's expected but I think the better alternative is to find different childcare, I do think she's taking the piss with some things.

Hankunamatata · 04/01/2022 21:50

When she dropped them home early when you are working from home why on earth did you say that it wasn't on

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