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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be cross at nursery for banning birthday cake (not covid/allergy related)

132 replies

Crystalann · 04/01/2022 17:40

Today we received this message from my son's nursery

^*We are promoting healthy eating within the nursery therefore unfortunately we are no longer able to accept birthday cakes being brought in for celebrations, we will still be celebrating with the children with banners, singing happy birthday and presenting them with a handmade birthday card from their class. 🥳

We are duty bound to follow the revised EYFS where changes place a great emphasis on promoting nutrition, healthy eating and oral health for all children under the age of 5 years.*^

To my knowledge, the EYFS makes no mention at all of any specific food.

Recently, when it was DS birthday and we sent cake in it had to be factory sealed still and shop bought (for hygiene) and they weren’t allowed to blow candles out (because of Covid) but staff would cut and share it with the children who were allergy safe to have it, with anyone not allowed being given an alternative snack.

This new “rule” is simply because they’ve decided to teach our kids birthday cake is bad for us, unhealthy and shouldn’t be allowed and this is what is making me cross!

I believe every food can be healthy, in an acceptable moderation, as part of a balanced diet.

OP posts:
Hertsgirl10 · 04/01/2022 18:52

This is such a weird problem.

If you’re that desperate for everyone else’s kid to eat your kid’s bday cake, why don’t you cut it up at home and bring it in a party bag each and it give it out at the end of the day?
Then the parents can decide to bin or let the kid eat it.

Now the schools tend to do this at the end of the day cos they’ve probably realised that they’ve got enough to do without dishing out all the birthday girl & boys stuff, so they say that the parents can do this at home time…. What a shock the parents can’t be arsed to stand in the cold handing stuff out either.

Theyellowflamingo · 04/01/2022 18:55

“WonderfulYou
YANBU this is why we have so many issues with food in this country because we see treats as ‘bad’.

If they eat healthily every day at nursery then a bit of cake as a treat is not going to do them any harm.

Unless there are hundreds of kids in the nursery then it will only be around twice a month - most elderly people I know eat supermarket cakes everyday.
Thank you! This is my point and as a parent of one child with food “issues” (eating disorder) I’m very keen on teaching him the best way to see food”

Fine - you give him the cake. You model it. I want to give my child their treats (they do get some), not have it done for me by nursery/other kid’s parents.

I’m no fan of school healthy eating messages (no, my underweight child with a very restricted diet doesn’t need their head filling with ideas about sodding low fat cheese and skimmed milk) but simply no longer serving supermarket birthday cake, to children who’d almost certainly never notice the absence of it, is hardly the same thing.

Maryann1975 · 04/01/2022 18:56

@Tanith is correct. There is a lot of emphasis put on healthy eating and promoting Good oral Hygiene in early years at the moment. Giving out cake is not helping these things.

A triple-layered chocolate fudge cake with icing and served with ice-cream is very different to a single-layered ginger cake or carrot cake traybake
Seriously! Are parents honestly sending ginger or carrot cake to nursery for their child’s birthday? All we get sent (And it’s rare it happens) is those Chocolate or vanilla tray bakes 15 slices for £6 from Tesco (or that kind of thing). Never anything fancy.

Small children don’t need extra cake for birthdays (When they will more than likely already had a birthday cake at home with family). For some it might be a one off treat, but for the a lot of dc it will be another load of sugar that their bodies do not need. Obesity rates are soaring in this country and this kind of shows why, junk food is so normalised, we consider our children are being deprived if they don’t get a piece of cake at 10am. The children are still getting made a fuss of with their friends, that’s enough.

MadeOfStarStuff · 04/01/2022 18:58

YABU

I very much doubt they’re lecturing the children about the evils of cake, just choosing not to allow it to be brought in.

Parents can choose to allow their own kids to have as much cake as they want to in their own home.

workingtheusername · 04/01/2022 19:00

I would be applauding the nursery. Western countries have an appalling attitude to food- sweets for good behaviour, chocolate at Easter, pudding for eating main, cake at birthday etc. it creates the unhealthy notion that sugary foods are good and healthy foods are bad something you should be rewarded (with sugar) for eating. But agree the puddings in schools and nurseries are terrible too. We get sent examples of healthy pack ups and yet my son eats cake or biscuit every day at school.

Flyingsunflower · 04/01/2022 19:02

I think the schools are trying their best to encourage healthy nutrition so I can't blame them.
Our used to allow sweets but all this stopped after covid so the kids are allowed to bring a book they or the teacher can read for storytime to the class on their birthday. I thought this was a brilliant idea. The class teachers still make the kids feel special (sing happy birthday, sticker and a pen or pencil with a tag saying their age and name).
I allow mine to have 1 or 2 sweets after meal times because they eat it in moderation. No rotten teeth and healthy weight. Also I don't mind if friends give them treats.

Baystard · 04/01/2022 19:04

I think in years to come we'll look back on the giving of sugar to children in the way we do now about the promotion of smoking in the past. Future generations will be amazed we actively chose/fought to be permitted to give our kids sugar.

I'm with the nursery on this one. Refined sugar is unhealthy and I don't want my kids eating it except on special occasions (I.e. not at nursery).

Onionpatch · 04/01/2022 19:06

You can still give your child cake at home.

The problem with school/nursery cake is it can become a very frequent event.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 04/01/2022 19:07

None of my children ever had birthday cake at nursery. You have birthday cake at your party/with family. How many cakes do children have these days? My dc are 13 and 10 so it’s a while since they were at nursery.

DariaMorgendorffer · 04/01/2022 19:07

YABU.

sweetbellyhigh · 04/01/2022 19:11

Be as annoyed as you like but do respect the rule and don't be one of those parents complaining about it not being set up to please you personally.

There are so many ways to celebrate... they can sit in a special chair or wear a crown, be sung to... you are projecting your values ie high sugar = celebration

Nurseries are ethically bound to do the right thing and not serving high sugar food is one of them.

isthisit83 · 04/01/2022 19:18

Makes sense to me. My son has started school and seems to get a bag of sweets every other week for someone's birthday. I hate it! It's so unnecessary.

ThreeFeetTall · 04/01/2022 19:21

My kids nursery did that. Parents now bring in a bag of fruit and one of the staff cut it up and arrange it into a 'cake' and put a candle in the middle. It's super cute

Riapia · 04/01/2022 19:22

OP This is AIBU Thus opinions expressed on here may not actually be those of the person posting them.

NellieBertram · 04/01/2022 19:23

@Ozanj

Yes I’m trying to figure out how a birthday cake ban would work at my nursery too. Tbh the amount of decay and cavities and in the preschoolers’ mouths suggests parents give them too much sugar / cake & insufficient dental attention anyway. But if I do this then the kids from deprived backgrounds who may not get any food when they go home would go without much needed calories ( & cake, for all it’s bad points, is quite a good mix of carbs / protein / fat as part of a balanced meal). It’s not a decision any nursery takes lightly.
No, none of the children at your nursery rely on a small slice of Colin the Caterpillar once or twice a month for the calories.

If you genuinely believe that is the case, bring in a couple more bananas and a some milk for snack time.

Breastfeedingworries · 04/01/2022 19:24

When I worked in a setting they had a fake cake they’d bring out and light candle so the birthday child could blow out the candle and that was that. I thought that was ace idea, that’s the bit the kids love everyone singing and giving them special fuss for their birthday.

They did allow cake but informed parents of their policy ie fake cake and no one brought one in. Although very often parents brought in left overs for the staff. I was so huge back then eating cake and homemade goodies all the time Grin

stevalnamechanger · 04/01/2022 19:26

Good . I wouldn't want a child given random supermarket cakes - they are gross and sickly sweet IMO

Christmas1988 · 04/01/2022 19:26

I’m glad some nursery’s are banning cake, if your child wants cake give it at home. My son who has a dairy allergy comes home heartbroken every time people give cake out and he’s not got anything, it must be the sone for other allergy children too. What about kids that can’t afford cake for everyone too. It’s not worth getting stressed about.

Cherrytart23 · 04/01/2022 19:33

This bothers you more than it will the children.
The children will have no idea if a cake has or hadn't been sent in.

YerAWizardHarry · 04/01/2022 19:35

I previously worked in out of school care and the Care Inspectorate (Scotland) were on our ARSES constantly about healthy eating. We’d probably have been shut down if they found the kids were having birthday cake weekly/fortnightly

Cherrytart23 · 04/01/2022 19:36

@Crystalann

Perhaps I wasn’t clear enough here - my issue is not that cake is now banned. It’s the message that it’s banned for being unhealthy. There are many more preferable reasons to ban cake.
So the nursery staff have said this to the children then? Or just pointed out the reasons for no cake to the adults.
notanothertakeaway · 04/01/2022 19:36

@insancerre

Shop bought birthday cakes are truly horrific In my nursery they mostly go in the bin as parents try to get the biggest cake We cut them up very small and bin the rest I wish we could ban them, might suggest it
@insancerre

That's a shame to throw out leftover cake. Can't you give it back to the parent? If you give out tiny pieces, they probably think that they have to give a large cake, to ensure enough for everyone. What a waste, for you to throw half of it away

Meatshake · 04/01/2022 19:39

Doesn't birthday cake come under EYFS British Values 🤣

mistermagpie · 04/01/2022 19:40

I don't understand why anyone would think this is a bad thing? I mean, how desperate are you for your child to have cake? Just give them some at home.

I've had three children in nursery (two are still there) and it's never occurred to me to send a cake in on any of their birthdays. Other parents don't do it either, although I've never read a specific rule about it. Personally I think it's a sensible rule anyway, depending on how often your child goes and how many children are in the class, they could be having cake pretty regularly and I'm sure you'd get a load of parents complaining about that too.

Cherryblossoms85 · 04/01/2022 19:42

Kind of get what you mean, kind of don't. I think it's fine not to have birthday cake in nursery/school, but it annoys me that they're so strict on anything we might want to bring in, and then I find that they get given cake with their lunch every day anyway. and it's somehow fine because it's "carrot cake" (aka exactly as sugary and fatty as any other cake and covered in icing).