Aibu to be cross at nursery for banning birthday cake (not covid/allergy related)

[Crystalann]

Today we received this message from my son's nursery

^*We are promoting healthy eating within the nursery therefore unfortunately we are no longer able to accept birthday cakes being brought in for celebrations, we will still be celebrating with the children with banners, singing happy birthday and presenting them with a handmade birthday card from their class. 🥳

We are duty bound to follow the revised EYFS where changes place a great emphasis on promoting nutrition, healthy eating and oral health for all children under the age of 5 years.*^

To my knowledge, the EYFS makes no mention at all of any specific food.

Recently, when it was DS birthday and we sent cake in it had to be factory sealed still and shop bought (for hygiene) and they weren’t allowed to blow candles out (because of Covid) but staff would cut and share it with the children who were allergy safe to have it, with anyone not allowed being given an alternative snack.

This new “rule” is simply because they’ve decided to teach our kids birthday cake is bad for us, unhealthy and shouldn’t be allowed and this is what is making me cross!

I believe every food can be healthy, in an acceptable moderation, as part of a balanced diet.

My DC was so proud when it was their turn and we have a few who paid for professional cakes that looked amazing

The fact that you don’t see this as an issue, is the issue!

@Justcallmebebes

I agree with the nursery. Cake is sugar laden, bad for you and should be for v special occasions only at home

Why at home only?

And surely whether it's sugar-laden (or not) depends on the ingredients and type of cake?

A triple-layered chocolate fudge cake with icing and served with ice-cream is very different to a single-layered ginger cake or carrot cake traybake.

@Kite22

My child’s nursery still allows cake. It’s wonderful. All the different ones that get taken in. Plus nursery do a video of the child holding the cake (with support if needed) while they all sing. My DC was so proud when it was their turn and we have a few who paid for professional cakes that looked amazing. I think it’s just another step closer to banning fun.

or maybe considering the parents who don't have the money, the time, the energy or the desire to take part in competitive showing off ?

OP YABU.
Apart from anything else, the dc won't even know.
Birthday cake is for celebrating with family at home, or, when they get older, at a birthday party with friends. The Nursery neither need the mess nor hassle, plus they are under a lot of pressure to balance the diets of the children in their care.

Personally I’ve not experienced the showing off aspect, we only see a photo of our child in front of their cake supported by staff.

If they banned it for mess or hassle that would be more acceptable imho

It's probably a right pain in the neck to have parents brining in cakes all the time.

There's really no need. Have cake at home. Have a birthday party. It's what we did in the olden days.

The nursery is promoting moderation though- cake is included regularly on their menu. Asking parents not to provide it on birthdays prevents it from tipping over into the 'too much' category.

Seems sensible imo

@WonderfulYou

YANBU this is why we have so many issues with food in this country because we see treats as ‘bad’.

If they eat healthily every day at nursery then a bit of cake as a treat is not going to do them any harm.

Unless there are hundreds of kids in the nursery then it will only be around twice a month - most elderly people I know eat supermarket cakes everyday.

Thank you! This is my point and as a parent of one child with food “issues” (eating disorder) I’m very keen on teaching him the best way to see food

@Snowiscold

YABU. I’m a big fan of cake but there would be birthday cake virtually every day if everyone brought in cake for their DC’s birthday. Why would you think it was an OK thing to bring in cake?

Are nursery classes that big? Things have changed since my day.

It's on Page 12 of the Example menus for early years settings in England: Part 1: Guidance
"Avoid sweet foods such as cakes, biscuits and confectionery between meals."

The DofE sent out further guidance at the end of last year, emphasising the message:
Food safety - Help for early years providers
Foods to avoid up to 5 years old include
"Sugar – both in sugary snacks and by not adding sugar to food.
Foods high in saturated fat such as biscuits, crisps and cakes."

Not much point being cross with the nursery: they're doing what they've been told they must do to reduce child obesity.
I expect they've decided that they've enough to do without trying to police the ingredients for sugar and fat content and allergens.

The food at my dc nursery is mostly processed crap and they have this rule too. It’s just paying lip service to the latest healthy eating guidelines. Caged chicken eggs, cheap bread.
I would love to know where all these nurseries are that serve nicer cake than an M&S bought one.

Nothing you can do OP. It’s a farce but there you go.

@Crystalann

Today we received this message from my son's nursery

^*We are promoting healthy eating within the nursery therefore unfortunately we are no longer able to accept birthday cakes being brought in for celebrations, we will still be celebrating with the children with banners, singing happy birthday and presenting them with a handmade birthday card from their class. 🥳

We are duty bound to follow the revised EYFS where changes place a great emphasis on promoting nutrition, healthy eating and oral health for all children under the age of 5 years.*^

To my knowledge, the EYFS makes no mention at all of any specific food.

Recently, when it was DS birthday and we sent cake in it had to be factory sealed still and shop bought (for hygiene) and they weren’t allowed to blow candles out (because of Covid) but staff would cut and share it with the children who were allergy safe to have it, with anyone not allowed being given an alternative snack.

This new “rule” is simply because they’ve decided to teach our kids birthday cake is bad for us, unhealthy and shouldn’t be allowed and this is what is making me cross!

I believe every food can be healthy, in an acceptable moderation, as part of a balanced diet.

We have the same in our school and I welcome it.

We do encourage fruit salads and people are quite creative!

No hidden messages. There are plenty snacks and cakes in the outside word and there is no need to have it in the class. It's no longer a treat when you are doing it on a very regular basis. Celebrations do not have to revolve around sweet treats!

Can your nursery age child read OP? If not, who cares why they said birthday cake was banned- you don't need to tell him that the nursery said it was unhealthy.

Honestly, schools and nurseries can't win. Provide any "treats" and some parents jump up and down in outrage. Decide not to allow birthday cakes and others are upset.

OP- this really isn't a hill to die on. Your child eats the vast majority of his meals with you, and will learn attitudes to food from you. The impact of nursery in this respect is negligible. And I really wouldn't suggest nit-picking over their menu next month. As PP said, the cakes and cookies provided are almost always healthy, sweetened with fruit or veg, and tiny. Not the same as icing laden, shop bought birthday cake

Does seem to be a bit of a killjoy world at the moment doesn’t it?

I do remember teaching a reception class years ago and I swear the parents competed to send in the gooiest, most uncuttable cake!!!
Easiest was the school where the birthday child took in a bag containing a cookie or sweets for each child and handed them out at the end of the day ( so parents could refuse if they wanted)

Not much you can do, apart from send in a tray of croudite, but it does seem a bit sad.

Is this a private nursery OP? I must admit I am chuckling at parents not being able to afford a £5 cake on top of £1300 pcm fees. Got to love the earnest replies.

I used to volunteer in a home for people with learning disability and/or mental health problems. We stopped doing birthday cake as they always ended up covered in spit when the candles were blown out. We had a mock cake made, I think it was made of wood but it was painted and decorated to look like a birthday cake. So residents would have the pleasure of blowing out the candles (that's the best bit with birthday cake isn't it?) and then cake would replace normal dessert after dinner.

Maybe nursery could do something similar? So a room/class with a birthday child orders a cake for pudding after lunch, child blows out the candles and pudding passed round. Means all kids are the same, no one's mum/dad forgets or can't afford the cake, kids get to do the candles and then enjoy their pudding.

I'm on the fence with this. I used to work in a nursery and we were always allowed parents to bring in cake. With both my children I always did as I used to feel guilty they were spending their birthday at nursery instead of home doing fun things so I did it probably to try and make their day better. However reading the responses on here I understand regarding allergies/people not wanting their children to consume as much sugar and most importantly the fact that some childrens parents may not be able to afford it or just not do it which could upset kids. It's a hard one.

It's a completely unnecessary hassle and they don't want to it.

Why do you even care? It's a complete non-issue.

Celebrate with your child at home, simple.

Yes I’m trying to figure out how a birthday cake ban would work at my nursery too. Tbh the amount of decay and cavities and in the preschoolers’ mouths suggests parents give them too much sugar / cake & insufficient dental attention anyway. But if I do this then the kids from deprived backgrounds who may not get any food when they go home would go without much needed calories ( & cake, for all it’s bad points, is quite a good mix of carbs / protein / fat as part of a balanced meal). It’s not a decision any nursery takes lightly.

You’re being ridiculous- have the cake at home or organise your own party. Policies change - that’s life. Unless nursery are sitting kids down and lecturing them on the evils of cake (I doubt it) then it’s perfectly reasonable and normal not to allow distribution of cake, sweets, chocolate etc in a nursery. Birthday cake, especially supermarket birthday cake, actually is unhealthy (not that is stops me or my children eating it!) and it should be up to parents to give their kids that stuff not nursery or other parents.

I've never heard of taking cake into school for a birthday.
Packs of sweets yes but not a cake.
DSs school and nursery provide a slice a cake for pud for all the kids who had a birthday that half term. No idea how they manage it but DS got his at the end of last term and was delighted

Exactly what Tanith said.... they are following Statutory EYFS framework which has recently changed and now includes a bigger emphasis on promoting oral health and healthy eating.

They are aware that this is something OFSTED will monitor if they are inspected.
Typically Nurseries will have a healthy eating policy, the expectation are that that happens and only healthy stuff is offered....which is questionable if they are sat around chomping cake! I agree with treats in moderation at home, as a parent but I don't feel that is the role of Nursery to be giving out treats in any form.

nothing is simple anymore. You have to wonder how we survived thirty years ago without all these rules.

Bringing in food is shit for children with allergies who have to sit and watch. Mine are always very polite about it but they hate it.

Our primary school have said no more cake or sweets to be brought in for children's birthdays on the basis of dental health.

Everyone without fail, so far last term, ignored it!

What about fizzy drinks op? Lollipops? Crisps?
Do you have an issue with these things being banned?

YABU - they aren't saying cake is bad, but that they don't want extra cake sent in on random days, especially if they have no control (beyond it must be shop bought and sealed) over what kind of cake/treats are sent in. They clearly include puddings/cakes etc in moderation and that are made in line with the nutritional guidelines, so they are just asking you not to bring in processed, sugar filled shop bought cakes.

When my DD was in nursery all of their meals were made in house and were strictly made to the nutritional guidelines, so the "chocolate cake" they had once a week contained zero chocolate, was low sugar and was actually made with beetroot to make them healthier and the children were none the wiser that they weren't actually eating chocolate. If someone brought in a chocolate birthday cake, then they would be eating actual chocolate, sugar etc ... I would much rather have my DD eat the nursery cakes than a birthday cake.