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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t sleep ... overheard neighour on phone. !!

109 replies

Highfivemum · 04/01/2022 01:55

Can’t sleep at all. Have lovely neighbours. Man and wife and they have three grown up sons. Really nice and friendly. I go to Pilates with the wife and we share a coffee a few times a week when my DC are at school. The wife works a few evenings a week and tonight I overheard her husband while sorting the Bins outside, He was on his phone to someone I heard him say ...
“ so after 18 years you expect me to tell my three boys they have a sister they know nothing about !! “ He then heard me so went inside.
I am now sitting downstairs and I cannot get it out of my head. They are so nice and I know from talking to the wife she says she would have loved a girl !!
I have put voting but I do not feel I should be saying anything. Should I just forget it. I don’t think i can !! How do I face the Husband as he must know I heard him !!

OP posts:
Jeschara · 04/01/2022 02:01

Please sat nothing, you were not meant to hear this conversation.

SuckItup22 · 04/01/2022 02:03

Mind your own business.

NoNotMeNoSiree · 04/01/2022 02:04

I'd stay well out of that one!

  1. you get on well with your neighbours
  2. you only heard one side of the conversation. For all you know it could be he's just finding out about it now, news to him too.
Original poster
Highfivemum · 04/01/2022 02:04

No I will not mention it. I wish to god I hadn’t heard it though. He must know I know and it will be like the elephant in the room.

OP posts:
BlwyddynNewydd2022 · 04/01/2022 02:05

This has nothing to do with you, as tough as it is. Say nothing, do not engage.

The conversation was never ment for your ears. It's tough because the box has been opened, but try and slam it shut again if you can.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 04/01/2022 02:06

You only overheard a snippet of a conversation. Although it sounds pretty conclusive, it’ll be the messenger who gets shot.

It looks like it’s all about to come out anyway. I’d say nothing and feign complete ignorance. You can just be a support to your friend when it does all unravel.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 04/01/2022 02:07

I never put the bins out. My DH job. He said he would do it when he got in from work but no i had to and now I wish I hadn’t. !! I know it is none of my business. I didn’t ask to over hear but it is working around in my head now. She is so lovely and it will kill her. Xx

OP posts:
Freecuthbert · 04/01/2022 02:08

You don't know if his wife already knows. Someone I know recently found out about a half sister after many many years. Neither sister had known about each other the whole time, but the wife knew about it from the start but kept it secret.

bestdhever · 04/01/2022 02:09

@Highfivemum why are you assuming she doesn't know?? Maybe she does and they decided not to tell their boys! It happens...in fact I know ppl it has happened to. Where the wife knew already and they had kept it from their dc. Just saying!

Freecuthbert · 04/01/2022 02:10

@bestdhever That's what I was thinking... the snippet OP heard was in relation to the boys finding out, not his wife. It isn't uncommon at all

RedCandyApple · 04/01/2022 02:10

Stay out of it

Original poster
Highfivemum · 04/01/2022 02:11

@Freecuthbert

You don't know if his wife already knows. Someone I know recently found out about a half sister after many many years. Neither sister had known about each other the whole time, but the wife knew about it from the start but kept it secret.
I hadn’t thought of that. When she comes over and sees my DD’s she always says I am blessed to have DD aswell as DS’s so I just presumed but you may be right.
OP posts:
Original poster
Highfivemum · 04/01/2022 02:13

No I will keep out of it and most definitely not say anything. I just kinda wish I didn’t know.

OP posts:
GiftWrappingLikeItsXmasEve · 04/01/2022 02:15

For all you know she could have given a baby girl up for adoption before she met him (and he knows about it)

I.e. you know nothing, so tell no-one and behave as normal. No one has told you anything

Original poster
Highfivemum · 04/01/2022 02:19

@GiftWrappingLikeItsXmasEve

For all you know she could have given a baby girl up for adoption before she met him (and he knows about it)

I.e. you know nothing, so tell no-one and behave as normal. No one has told you anything

I hadn’t thought about that either. My mind was just sent racing into overdrive and I instantly thought it was his secret. Thank you all for bringing me down and making me relise it is their issue and there may be more to it. I will try and get some sleep 💤
OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 04/01/2022 02:38

It would be going around my mind too.

You didnt eavesdrop, you didnt ask to find out.

And lets face it, all of these "Well it might be....." are unlikely. Most likely he was on the phone to an ex who told him that he has a dd from a brief relationship years ago and now she wants to meet her father and brothers so the mother made contact.

Occams Razor and all that.

But........I would stay well out of it unless the wife tells you about it. If he mentions it fake ignorance and say you had earpods in or something so you didnt hear a thing.

PGSTesting123 · 04/01/2022 02:49

I hate my neighbours.
The walls are so thin I know more about their relationship then they do.
Just ignore you've heard it.
None of your business.
My situation is easier, I hate them, so I have no wish to enlighten her as to what her husband is up to.

Monty27 · 04/01/2022 02:53

OP you don't know! Not the whole story anyway. They could have been talking about a movie. Keep out of it. Leave it at that.

OwMyToe · 04/01/2022 02:56

If it were a case of you overhearing something to indicate that he's actively cheating on her, I'd be tempted to let her know, but this sounds like something that happened years ago. It's best to stay well out of it.

(However, I do wonder how old their "grown up" sons are. Older than 18, which would suggest that this sister was the result of an affair? It doesn't change things that much, though; I'd still stay out of it.)

Rangoon · 04/01/2022 03:24

It might long pre-date the relationship they had with each other. I mean I wouldn't be destroyed if somebody turned up from 35 plus years ago if my husband hadn't known. I mean I might be a bit irked in terms of inheritances etc and if he'd not told me asap. His wife might well know. Or it could have even been a phone call between him and his wife.

I think the only decent thing to do is to keep your mouth firmly shut. If she doesn't know and it occurred when she was with her husband, I can't imagine any worse way to learn this than from the eavesdropping neighbour.

Nothing good can come of telling your neighbour what you overheard.

I have managed to have civil conversations with all sorts of people who are aware or who may suspect I know of all sorts of things they might have been up to. I find fraudsters particularly bold. I would not make any reference to the matter at all in conversation.

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 04/01/2022 03:39

@Highfivemum

This post is very outing given the details and pilates i hope she is not on MN....?

expat101 · 04/01/2022 04:45

Great advice above! I would only add if you were ever in the position again with him and you, and no one else, you casually mention how noise travels esp with people on their mobile phones...

the rest isn't your concern although I understand she is your friend however you should never have known/heard this from the start...

1forAll74 · 04/01/2022 04:54

You don't know anything about their personal life, so just don't dwell on this. You should just speak to them normally as usual, and carry on as per norm. It's a bit silly, to get carried away with your own thoughts regarding this.

Dustyblue · 04/01/2022 04:58

Whoa, my mind would be blown too!

However, you need to take that one to the grave. I'd tell DH and nobody else.

If you hear a god-awful fight next door at least you'll know what's happening.

whitewashing · 04/01/2022 05:03

I wouldn’t tell a single soul what I’d heard…

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