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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t sleep ... overheard neighour on phone. !!

109 replies

Highfivemum · 04/01/2022 01:55

Can’t sleep at all. Have lovely neighbours. Man and wife and they have three grown up sons. Really nice and friendly. I go to Pilates with the wife and we share a coffee a few times a week when my DC are at school. The wife works a few evenings a week and tonight I overheard her husband while sorting the Bins outside, He was on his phone to someone I heard him say ...
“ so after 18 years you expect me to tell my three boys they have a sister they know nothing about !! “ He then heard me so went inside.
I am now sitting downstairs and I cannot get it out of my head. They are so nice and I know from talking to the wife she says she would have loved a girl !!
I have put voting but I do not feel I should be saying anything. Should I just forget it. I don’t think i can !! How do I face the Husband as he must know I heard him !!

OP posts:
Thursa · 04/01/2022 05:08

You have heard such a tiny part of whatever this is. He might have been talking to his wife! Say nothing. This has nothing to do with you.

WonderfulYou · 04/01/2022 06:11

Definitely don’t say anything about it. If he was say it outside his house it’s likely she already knows about it - either because it’s a child they put up for adoption or a child he had but hasn’t seen for whatever reason.

Darbs76 · 04/01/2022 06:14

This is one of those things you stay out of. Unless you were ever asked which is unlikely. Horrible to know that info

GiantHaystacks2021 · 04/01/2022 06:15

Say nothing.

You'll be blamed for all of it if you open your mouth

furbabymama87 · 04/01/2022 06:19

Why can't you sleep over nothing that concerns you? As nice as your friend is, you don't need to involve yourself in this, you don't even know the full story. You could have the wrong end of the stick.

KiloWhat · 04/01/2022 06:21

Just stay out of it. Wife might already know.

ShippingNews · 04/01/2022 06:23

“ He then heard me so went inside

He quite possibly wouldn't have known it was you. He was talking on the phone, heard something, went inside. Don't assume that he knows it was you. Just act normally and hope the story remains within their family.

There are so many scenarios that this could have been - don't interfere, don't say a word. Nobody would thank you for blabbing about this one.

WindyRose · 04/01/2022 06:23

OP it's not easy being quiet, trust me I've been in your position for many years except I had firsthand knowledge through my job at the time and therefore unable to speak up.

I don't know if the DW ever knew but fortunately I didn't see her often as we moved to another town and our visits were very short, although we still kept in touch.

It's hard not saying to adult son does he know about/or met the sibling, but of course, that would create havoc and a breach of trust on my part, so I have to keep it buried deep inside.

Like you, I wasn't privvy to all the details either and honestly, it's none of my business and as someone else said, something I have to take to my grave....like it or not!

Feel for you though!

3ismylot · 04/01/2022 06:24

It is definitely not your place to get involved and you do not know the circumstances.
I found my Dad 2 years ago and he had no idea I existed (I knew this was probably the case as my Mum never told him she was pregnant) I am in my 30s so he was married with 3 children, as he didn't know it was impossible for any of them to know either.
It all turned out fine as I predated his relationship with his wife. He told his wife the day he got the letter from me but not the children for a couple of months as he was getting to know me and worried about how they would feel. I did not push him into anything as he knew his children and I didn't and I trusted his judgement. When he told them they were obviously shocked but fine with it and we all now have a good relationship.
You do not know if he (or his wife) have had a similar shock and are trying to process it and even if it is the worst-case scenario and he has had an affair, it never goes well for the messenger!
All you can d is be there for your friend if/when she needs it

Lolabray · 04/01/2022 06:33

It’s an awful thing to hear but please don’t get involved

KCee30 · 04/01/2022 06:48

I would mind your own business. I've never known my dad I know his now wife and younger kids know nothing about me 🤷‍♀️ It sucks but nothing to do with you! More common than what you think!

RosesAndHellebores · 04/01/2022 06:50

They are your neighbours. It has little to do with you so put it to one side

HomeTheatreSystem · 04/01/2022 06:51

You might have had earphones in and heard nothing! Please ignore any compunction you might be feeling to say something to his wife. No good whatsoever will come of it and at best you will just make yourself look like an interfering busybody.

Starstar7 · 04/01/2022 06:52

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WutheringHeights66 · 04/01/2022 06:52

I agree she might know. Someone I know (best friends Brothers wife) only found out her and her sister had a brother when their dad got Alzheimer’s.

Their mum told them, she had known for decades, presumably because he had paid child support, and poor mum had carried the secret until dad was unanswerable.

Hotyogahotchoc · 04/01/2022 06:52

My first thought was he could have been talking to his wife but thinking about it she was probably in the house

Aposterhasnoname · 04/01/2022 06:53

Absolutely non of your business.

pilates · 04/01/2022 07:11

Not your problem. I would carry on as normal.

PersonaNonGarter · 04/01/2022 07:18

This is scene 2, you are the mark. It’s an elaborate illusion to draw you into their lives. Gradually the story unfolds and the family is not all it appears. An exciting tale of shifting sands and international crime.

StillWalking · 04/01/2022 07:22

How old are their sons? You refer to them as “grown up” in your post. If they’re older than 18 - and the mystery daughter was conceived after them - then this could be news the wife doesn’t want to hear.

Faevern · 04/01/2022 07:23

You’ve jumped to a conclusion pretty quickly reading far too much into her saying she would love a girl. He may have even been talking to his wife.

Apparently my father paid maintenance for another child, we found out through his tax records after his death. We then discovered that our mother always knew. We have no idea when this happened or the child’s identity.

Your imagination is running away with you. Hope you got some sleep.

DiamondBright · 04/01/2022 07:25

I wouldn't mention it to anyone and if it ever comes up deny you heard anything. Absolutely no good will come from getting involved.

Flapjacker48 · 04/01/2022 07:31

It is absolutely none of your business OP.

Georgeskitchen · 04/01/2022 07:31

Yes his wife may well know. Could even be hers!! Maybe if they told their sons they might even find them.quite receptive to having a sister!! Mine were!!

Offmyfence · 04/01/2022 07:31

Forget it, no good will come if you knowing it.

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