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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t sleep ... overheard neighour on phone. !!

109 replies

Highfivemum · 04/01/2022 01:55

Can’t sleep at all. Have lovely neighbours. Man and wife and they have three grown up sons. Really nice and friendly. I go to Pilates with the wife and we share a coffee a few times a week when my DC are at school. The wife works a few evenings a week and tonight I overheard her husband while sorting the Bins outside, He was on his phone to someone I heard him say ...
“ so after 18 years you expect me to tell my three boys they have a sister they know nothing about !! “ He then heard me so went inside.
I am now sitting downstairs and I cannot get it out of my head. They are so nice and I know from talking to the wife she says she would have loved a girl !!
I have put voting but I do not feel I should be saying anything. Should I just forget it. I don’t think i can !! How do I face the Husband as he must know I heard him !!

OP posts:
AtlasPine · 04/01/2022 07:35

I agree with others but also greatly sympathise with you because she’s your friend and you see her several times a week for coffee. With the best will in the world, this is going to be stressful for you and difficult not to show a change in feelings towards her as someone you care for (sympathy, anxiety, concern) in any way now you know this potentially/ possibly devastating news.

FriendshipsAreHardForMe · 04/01/2022 07:39

YwBU to say anything to the wife.

IF husband tries to make things awkward between you and wife, to avoid to disclosing, then I would go over once wife is at work and explain that you heard but will definitely be staying out of their business. No judgement, no involvement.

TenoringBehind · 04/01/2022 07:41

She probably already knows. If he was trying to keep it from her he wouldn’t be having the conversation on his phone near the house (assuming she was inside).

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 04/01/2022 07:50

On a side note... How is pilates? I'm thinking about trying it.

Hmph.

saraclara · 04/01/2022 07:52

It's not about you. Forget you heard it and get on with life as normal. You're being somewhat over-dramatic.

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2022 07:57

I’d agree you’re being all over dramatic. Good chance his wife knows. The fact she’d have liked a daughter is totally irrelevant. It might even be something he’s recently found out. All this “it will kill her” is too much.

Calm down.

camperqueen54 · 04/01/2022 07:58

He might have been practicing the line of a play for all you know. Stay well out of it.

phishy · 04/01/2022 08:06

I don’t understand why you’re so hyper about this. Confused

It’s just another dull secret from a neighbour’s closet. Not worth losing sleep over.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 04/01/2022 08:07

Oooh!

You could put a note on their bin addressed to Mr Bin saying "I know the truth".

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 04/01/2022 08:11

I have a friend with exactly this secret. His wife knew about his child from the day they met and he supported his daughter financially until she left FT education but they agreed not to tell the (now adult) children about their older half sibling. To me that seems like an insane decision that might well bite them in the bum one day but that's the choice they made.

Justkeepon · 04/01/2022 08:16

You can't just pretend you didn't hear this news OP, your part of it now. You need to go round first thing this morning and the three of you need to sit down and discuss where things should go from here. Either you or the husband need to break the news to the wife (probably makes sense that it's you since you're the one losing sleep over it) and then the three of you can decide what to do next.

ashorterday · 04/01/2022 08:17

@Justkeepon

You can't just pretend you didn't hear this news OP, your part of it now. You need to go round first thing this morning and the three of you need to sit down and discuss where things should go from here. Either you or the husband need to break the news to the wife (probably makes sense that it's you since you're the one losing sleep over it) and then the three of you can decide what to do next.
This is the maddest thing I've ever read on here 🤦‍♀️ It is none of the OP's business and she definitely doesn't need to be calling a summit!
KiloWhat · 04/01/2022 08:19

@Justkeepon

You can't just pretend you didn't hear this news OP, your part of it now. You need to go round first thing this morning and the three of you need to sit down and discuss where things should go from here. Either you or the husband need to break the news to the wife (probably makes sense that it's you since you're the one losing sleep over it) and then the three of you can decide what to do next.
Hahaha don't be silly
saraclara · 04/01/2022 08:23

@Justkeepon

You can't just pretend you didn't hear this news OP, your part of it now. You need to go round first thing this morning and the three of you need to sit down and discuss where things should go from here. Either you or the husband need to break the news to the wife (probably makes sense that it's you since you're the one losing sleep over it) and then the three of you can decide what to do next.
Insane. Just insane.
GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 04/01/2022 08:26

How would the three of them decide to do what next?

What would that decision be?

He pours a cup of tea and everyone agrees never to speak of it again?

phishy · 04/01/2022 08:26

It’s pretty obvious @Justkeepon is being satcastic.

Jesus, I despair of this place sometimes 🤦🏻‍♀️

Suzi888 · 04/01/2022 08:27

@AtlasPine

I agree with others but also greatly sympathise with you because she’s your friend and you see her several times a week for coffee. With the best will in the world, this is going to be stressful for you and difficult not to show a change in feelings towards her as someone you care for (sympathy, anxiety, concern) in any way now you know this potentially/ possibly devastating news.
Yes ^ not just a neighbour- but a friend too.
CupOfCake · 04/01/2022 08:28

You can't possibly be sure of exactly what you heard as it was a snippet from only one side.

I'd just choose to assume the conversation was about someone else or I'd probably mis-heard and move on.

No good could come from your kind interference.

Tiredan · 04/01/2022 08:33

Justkeepon, that's not very good advice.
I know 8 families (including my own) where something like this happened, it's really, really common and the only time I saw it going pear shaped was when someone outside the family affected tried to get involved in the disclosure.
OP, in most of those cases having new siblings was a pretty positive thing. It took a shorter or longer time for each family as you'd expect.
Let your friend tell you when she's ready and then you can support her as she needs.

Tiredan · 04/01/2022 08:35

phishy, except to me, oh dear Grin

Justkeepon · 04/01/2022 08:37

Oh come on people of course it's the OPs place to call a family meeting about this, she overheard some big news, you can't just ignore other people's big news! Doesn't matter if it she didn't usually put the bloody bins out!

Sux2Buthen · 04/01/2022 08:38

My kids have a half sister they don't know about yet. It's not interesting or exciting, it's a shame.

Sux2Buthen · 04/01/2022 08:38

@Justkeepon Grin

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 04/01/2022 08:41

In all fairness, there have been many sincere yet nutty suggestions on this thread. :o

PigeonLittle · 04/01/2022 08:42

Only ever go outside of your house with earphones on from now on Grin

When you see him next, exaggeratedly take them off and say "Happy New Year! I love my new earphones I got for Christmas! Never go outside without them!"

And then give a cheery wave and walk off singing Mmm Bop.