To the people who believe men and women can never be friends, do you then believe that people who are bisexual shouldn’t have any friends at all?

[AlternativePerspective]

Genuine question.

Time and time again on here we see posts from posters saying “men and women cannot be just friends, one or the other will always have feelings, they’ll end up having an affair, I wouldn’t allow my husband to have female friends,” etc etc.

So, based on that assumption, surely it then stands to reason that someone is bisexual should never have any friends, since they are attracted to both men and women?

Obviously men and women can be just friends. But if you believe they can’t, then surely you believe as above. And if not, why not?

Vote:

YABU: bisexual people shouldn’t have friends.

Yanbu: Both men and women can have friends of the opposite sex, just as people who are bisexual can be friends with either men or women without needing to sleep with them.

Sexuality seems a pretty dumb reason to reject friendship. Maybe the people who believe this have some loyalty or bigotry issues?
Good people are good people no matter their gender, background, beliefs or persuasions.
What's that psychology about the 10 people closest to you are your reflection?

[quote MiddleParking]@hugr the discussion is about the beliefs of people who don’t think that men can be friends with women. Obviously, people whose straight male partners have female friends aren’t those people.[/quote]
Lol! What I was saying was if the partner had a bisexual male friend. Weird of you to presume I meant female.

Try put a bull on a field full of cows and see what happens. Now put a cow in a field full of bulls. Basic biology 🤣.

Males are usually biologically programmed, just to reproduce and pass there genes on as much as possible. Where as females nurture.

A bisexual females will not have the same natural instincts as a bisexual male, so your argument falls over

@hugr I didn’t assume that, I considered it and then assumed you would recognise that that also fell outside the scope of the topic again, the discussion is about the beliefs of people who don’t think that men can be friends with women. Not people who say, “I don’t believe men can be friends with anyone whose sexuality includes attraction to men.” My point is partly that no one is saying that because people whose worldview is inclusive of people who aren’t heterosexual are almost certainly not the people saying they don’t believe men and women can ever have platonic friendships.

@TractorAndHeadphones

Yet another bunfight thread.

Two BFF's going out for drinks, shopping, telling each other intimate details of their sex lives normal. But would doing all that with a single , straight male best friend be acceptable?

Also a man with mostly male friends and who doesn't do 'coffee dates' suddenly having them with a woman, texting sharing mundane details etc obviously something fishy. A man with multiple female friends who meets up with them, not fishy.

It's not a question of 'friendship' in general but the intensity.
Also being bi is irrelevannt. If the other people are straight nothing's going to happen even if you fancy them so what's the issue?

What a bizarre vision of best friendship. I’ve never discussed details of my sex life with any of my friends, male or female, and I don’t think that’s ‘normal’ at all, any more than I think that shopping is any more than a tiresome chore, whoever you do it with. It is, however, entirely normal for me to have a drink or dinner or see a film or play with a male friend, as it’s entirely normal for DH to see his longterm female friends solo. These are in many cases people we’ve had in our lives for 20 years or more.

I think some of the paranoia about male/female friendships on Mn must come from some of the deeply odd ideas about the nature of friendship in general expressed on here.

I think the nature of the friendship counts for a lot. I have male friends with who I am friendly with and have a laugh with if i see them out.
I don't have any male friends who i hang out with lots, go on coffee dates with, weekends away, cinema etc as seems to be the norm on here.

This could be because of the fact that dp is my best friend , i don't want emotional closeness with anyone else but also i don't have many friends in general...i do miss them.

@SportsMother

It is, however, entirely normal for me to have a drink or dinner or see a film or play with a male friend, as it’s entirely normal for DH to see his longterm female friends solo. These are in many cases people we’ve had in our lives for 20 years or more.

The Norm for you, but not common at all, if at the same frequency as with a same sex friend.

And yet Mn is full of posters saying they are desperately lonely and want friends — why disregard 50% of the human race?

I can't vote for either of your choices because I actually believe it's not that men & women can't be friends, it that men are rarely able to be friends with women without wanting to take it further.

So I would feel as equally doubtful about the friendship motives of a bisexual man as I would about a heterosexual man.

It's not that I think every man is like that, but an awful lot of them do seem to be.

However, I wouldn't automatically think a bisexual woman (by which I mean biological woman) would possibly have ulterior motives.
I would believe they might just want to be friends in the exact same way a lesbian woman might want to just be friends.

I just don't think women are led as much by what's between their legs as men are.

I have male friends and female friends. Some are single, some are not (I am also friends with their partners).
My sexuality has nothing to do with it, because they are just friends and we don't view each other in a sexual way... It really is that simple.

@SportsMother

It is, however, entirely normal for me to have a drink or dinner or see a film or play with a male friend, as it’s entirely normal for DH to see his longterm female friends solo. These are in many cases people we’ve had in our lives for 20 years or more.

The Norm for you, but not common at all, if at the same frequency as with a same sex friend.

In your experience maybe but in mine, this is perfectly normal and common.

The voting on this makes no sense, it's illogical.

Straight men can have straight male friends.
Straight women can have straight female friends.
Bisexual people can have bisexual friends.

In each case the person is able to have friends of the same sexual orientation. There's no double standards or doublethink necessary.

@MorningStarling

The voting on this makes no sense, it's illogical.

Straight men can have straight male friends.
Straight women can have straight female friends.
Bisexual people can have bisexual friends.

In each case the person is able to have friends of the same sexual orientation. There's no double standards or doublethink necessary.

Sexual orientation doesn't always prevent feelings though

Yes it would negate the affair element but the OP specially also mentions having feelings for someone else, being attracted to them - in which case their orientation doesn't always play a part in that.

@MorningStarling

The voting on this makes no sense, it's illogical.

Straight men can have straight male friends.
Straight women can have straight female friends.
Bisexual people can have bisexual friends.

In each case the person is able to have friends of the same sexual orientation. There's no double standards or doublethink necessary.

Are you on glue?

@Dottybackorcid

Try put a bull on a field full of cows and see what happens. Now put a cow in a field full of bulls. Basic biology 🤣.

Males are usually biologically programmed, just to reproduce and pass there genes on as much as possible. Where as females nurture.

A bisexual females will not have the same natural instincts as a bisexual male, so your argument falls over

I like to think humans are more evolved than cattle in the field. I mean a bull will service a whole herd of females, not sure my husband has it in him to pop into my office and do the rounds. What are the instincts of a bisexual male btw? Would be extremely helpful to know that an entire subset of rhe species act in the same way.

@Dottybackorcid

Try put a bull on a field full of cows and see what happens. Now put a cow in a field full of bulls. Basic biology 🤣.

Males are usually biologically programmed, just to reproduce and pass there genes on as much as possible. Where as females nurture.

A bisexual females will not have the same natural instincts as a bisexual male, so your argument falls over

Bull...shit.

The "basic biology" types (who remind me so much of the "evo psych" lot on MRA forums) seem almost proud to declare themselves cows, not humans. Baffling.

*What a bizarre vision of best friendship. I’ve never discussed details of my sex life with any of my friends, male or female, and I don’t think that’s ‘normal’ at all, any more than I think that shopping is any more than a tiresome chore, whoever you do it with. It is, however, entirely normal for me to have a drink or dinner or see a film or play with a male friend, as it’s entirely normal for DH to see his longterm female friends solo. These are in many cases people we’ve had in our lives for 20 years or more.

I think some of the paranoia about male/female friendships on Mn must come from some of the deeply odd ideas about the nature of friendship in general expressed on here.*

Same. I talk about sex in general with both male and female friends but it'd feel as uncomfortable talking about my own sex life with another woman as with a man (and it'd feel like just as much a betrayal of my relationship with DP).

My friendships are pretty much all centred around mutual interests, none of which require participants to be men or women.

I think the message I'm getting from a number of posters on here is that they wouldn't have anything to do with anyone who wasn't straight so it's not relevant who non straight people are friends with as they aren't real people.

MN posters wish to live in their own nice heterosexual world where men only are friends with other men, and talk about cars and football and women are only friends with other women and talk about babies and shopping and never the twain shall meet.

@Whataday198

I think the message I'm getting from a number of posters on here is that they wouldn't have anything to do with anyone who wasn't straight so it's not relevant who non straight people are friends with as they aren't real people.

MN posters wish to live in their own nice heterosexual world where men only are friends with other men, and talk about cars and football and women are only friends with other women and talk about babies and shopping and never the twain shall meet.

Not all of us (though I know where you’re getting the impression from). I’m straight, but have three lesbians and a bi woman among my close friends, and my closest male friend is bi.

And I select all my friends of both sexes for their lack of desire to talk about football, cars, babies or shopping.

I have 3 close male friends. 2 are platonic and the 3rd recently became a lover after 6 years of friendship (we were both single).

So yes men and women can be platonic friend and yes, some can develop feelings for each other.

Life is usually not black and white...

I see people as individuals and their gender and sexual orientation is irrelevant.

The assumption that because someone is bi they are going to want to sleep with every friend they make is staggeringly ignorant.

As for ''Many people people would not consider a relationship with a bisexual' this is assuming that people are as judgmental as you are...

Seriously some people need to relax a bit and stop walking around with so many prejudices...

[quote MiddleParking]@hugr I didn’t assume that, I considered it and then assumed you would recognise that that also fell outside the scope of the topic again, the discussion is about the beliefs of people who don’t think that men can be friends with women. Not people who say, “I don’t believe men can be friends with anyone whose sexuality includes attraction to men.” My point is partly that no one is saying that because people whose worldview is inclusive of people who aren’t heterosexual are almost certainly not the people saying they don’t believe men and women can ever have platonic friendships.[/quote]
The OP asks do those who believe men and women can't be friends think bisexuals shouldn't have friends. You said that these people would be unlikely to have a bisexual partner so it's not relevant. I'm simply pointing out that a partner might have a bisexual friend of the same sex, which would complicate a situation for those who believe men and women can't be friends. Hope this is relevant enough to the OP for you.

I'm bi. The number of people I find attractive is staggeringly low and it doesn't seem to affect my ability to make friends. I am however on the fence about straight males as friends for me. In my experience it usually goes badly due to their behaviour, samples being "my wife doesn't understand me" and waking up with their hand in my pants (two different "friends"). Oddly enough (or not) my lesbian or fellow female bi friends have never pulled stunts like that. Now my male friends fall into two distinct camps, gay or married to my female friends.