To the people who believe men and women can never be friends, do you then believe that people who are bisexual shouldn’t have any friends at all?

[AlternativePerspective]

Genuine question.

Time and time again on here we see posts from posters saying “men and women cannot be just friends, one or the other will always have feelings, they’ll end up having an affair, I wouldn’t allow my husband to have female friends,” etc etc.

So, based on that assumption, surely it then stands to reason that someone is bisexual should never have any friends, since they are attracted to both men and women?

Obviously men and women can be just friends. But if you believe they can’t, then surely you believe as above. And if not, why not?

Vote:

YABU: bisexual people shouldn’t have friends.

Yanbu: Both men and women can have friends of the opposite sex, just as people who are bisexual can be friends with either men or women without needing to sleep with them.

Yeah but I think a lot of people are still fundamentally quite homophobic and would (consciously or subconsciously) view bisexual people as deviant in the first place. It’s a pretty common trope that gay men are totally indiscriminate about which men they’d have sex with, and I’m sure most of us have experienced (or seen in popular culture) girls objecting to a lesbian peer in the changing room. I absolutely think a lot of people would view bisexual people as being unable to have a friendship that was purely platonic on their part, even if they couldn’t or wouldn’t explicate it like that.

'Its just a group of friends whove been through a lot of history together.'

I've never seen a true friendship, like that, objected to. It's when all of a sudden their partner, a man whose never hung out with women, gets a new work/hobby friend and all of a sudden they want to go for coffee. Often the new female 'friend' is 10-20 years younger than them. Or even worse when there's been a sexual past, without friendship, but all of a sudden they are messaging again. As women age they realise that a lot of the attention they got from men, of all types, was just because they wanted engagement with a young woman.

I would imagine two bisexuality women could be mates, because they don't think with their dicks.

A bisexual man and woman, or two bisexual men however ....

What a sexist, ignorant post @HelenGraham2121 🙄

Just to make it clear, it would be the bisexual man who be more likely to be the issue in the bisexual man and woman scenario; unless he wasnt remotely attracted to the woman.

I've met very very few men so far, across lots of cultures, which are interested in or capable of being mates with the opposite sex (or same sex of they are gay or bisexual).

The same is true of some women.

@MiddleParking

Yeah but I think a lot of people are still fundamentally quite homophobic and would (consciously or subconsciously) view bisexual people as deviant in the first place. It’s a pretty common trope that gay men are totally indiscriminate about which men they’d have sex with, and I’m sure most of us have experienced (or seen in popular culture) girls objecting to a lesbian peer in the changing room. I absolutely think a lot of people would view bisexual people as being unable to have a friendship that was purely platonic on their part, even if they couldn’t or wouldn’t explicate it like that.

This.

I’m a gay man, virtually all of my friends are gay men, apparently we’re all having sex with each other or fancy each other, none of us are yet to get that memo.

Weirdly I find its fairly common for straight people to think a wide range of bizarre things about gay people, particularly gay men, when you point this out they generally invent a convenient gay friend.

@HelenGraham2121

I would imagine two bisexuality women could be mates, because they don't think with their dicks.

A bisexual man and woman, or two bisexual men however ....

Well you’re clearly not thinking with much.

@WorraLiberty

What a sexist, ignorant post *@HelenGraham2121* 🙄

You're absolutely right dear; there is zero difference in the sexual behaviour of men and women. None at all. Never has been, never will be.

I am bisexual and married to a man. From past experience any one I've dated has thought exactly that (other than my DH).

My ex gf couldn't stand the fact the ine of my best friends is male, she also was insanely jealous of female friends.
Funny enough any males I've dated have had the same issue with male friends and not females.

My DH is fine with me having male and female friends, I'm not sure if he'd be different if my male best friend wasn't his brother

I asked my DH and he said he thinks as a man it would be less humiliating to lose your wife to a member of the same sex than that of the opposite. His reasoning is that if I wanted to be with a female there is nothing he could have done to change that. Whereas if I left him for a man he would always wonder what I wanted that he couldn't give me.

Weve spoke about this in detail as he admits not initially understanding bisexuality.

@HelenGraham2121

I would imagine two bisexuality women could be mates, because they don't think with their dicks.

A bisexual man and woman, or two bisexual men however ....

If men think with their dicks what on Earth are you thinking with to come out with such nonsense?

Well you’re clearly not thinking with much.

It's not my problem you can't acknowledge that men are more sexually motivated than women on average, and at the thick end of the scale, responsible for the vast vast majority of sex crime.

Well you’re clearly not thinking with much.

Yep @Simonjt

Surely it would be bisexuals in a relationship are not allowed to be friends with other bisexuals? As both parties have to be able to be attracted to each other? not necessarily. Plenty of heterosexual people still would have a relationship with a bisexual person of the opposite sex. And people aren’t just insecure about the actions of a friendship, but also the potential emotions.

So if your DH has a female friend who isn’t the slightest bit interested but he has mentionitis, talks about her constantly, clearly has feelings for her even if those feelings are not reciprocated, then you will be insecure about that.

So if your bisexual husband were to have a male friend who still wasn’t interested it could still be thought that the bisexual husband might be, and in that case the friendship could still cause insecurity.

Why are you bringing sex crimes into it just because you've been pulled up on your sexist post @HelenGraham2121?

@HelenGraham2121

Well you’re clearly not thinking with much.

It's not my problem you can't acknowledge that men are more sexually motivated than women on average, and at the thick end of the scale, responsible for the vast vast majority of sex crime.

But we're talking about friendships, not sex crimes.

@WorraLiberty

Why are you bringing sex crimes into it just because you've been pulled up on your sexist post *@HelenGraham2121*?

Probably one of the many many ignorant people who thinks non-straight equals peadophile.

@Andtheyalllookjustthesame

I am single, bisexual and all my friends are women. I have had a crush briefly on one of them, otherwise always 100% platonic. I used to have a lot of male friends they have fallen away for one reason or another (mostly my most recent ex who was very jealous and controlling and ruined all my relationships, including people I definitely wouldn't fuck under any circumstances). So exes opinion was definitely that bisexual people are greedy and sex mad and will cheat at any given opportunity. I'm the most monogamous person ever, I can't even have a crush on more than one person and when I'm in a relationship I'm all in with that one person. I do think that bisexual the word seems to suggest sexual attraction to two sexes which would have to be two different people right? Well not at the same time but I think a lot of people miss that. And ofc not everyone fancies everyone they know or meet. My whole life is not about sex, I have a whole load of other concerns and it is not my purpose in any way. I think maybe it's different for those jealous types, they think you must see sexual opportunities everywhere because that's what they see. Whereas I have people in my life for all kinds of different reasons. I love to have creative people around me, I love working in teams, I love talking to strangers and being with good friends. Sex is something I don't really think about until after I have a connection with somebody. It's not the first thing.

This explains my feelings exactly. People assume bisexual people are sex crazed. I've actually have someone say to me 'you must just say your bisexual as your only interested in threesomes'

Absolutely not the case.

I am completely monogamous and think cheating is abhorrent.

I certainly don’t believe that men and women can never be friends. It’s all personality-dependent and situation-dependent.

But on several occasions, I have known women/girls to have ‘best friends who are guys’ without realising that said best friends talk about them and treat them with misogynistic contempt behind their backs. See for example the Warwick rape chat scandal (at the extreme end).

@WorraLiberty

Why are you bringing sex crimes into it just because you've been pulled up on your sexist post *@HelenGraham2121*?

Because the sex crime stats demonsonstrate the thick end of the wedge of male sexuality and behaviour.

Likewise the sex industry. It is not just due to "patriarchy" that the sex industry is almost exclusively set up for abd used by men (including gay men).

The thin end is dating and "friendships".

I am so sad & abit jealous of those who does have a close male friend. I am in my mid 30's and through out of my life i had lots of friends mixture of women and men , but i had never been able to form a close ,,friend " relationship with a male, as they were always (10 out of 10 )ended up hitting on me, wanting more, telling me this clearly after a few months of getting on well etc,even after talking to them about strict friendship from my side since the beginning and i am a type of persom who is very clear about this from day one....
I am a chatty, friendly, easy going type of person but i never encouraged men by touching, teasing etc if we are just friends... regardless of this, all male ,,friend to be" ended up asking me out,so i don't believe it will ever work for me.
But i do think it can work , depends on the individuals.

I do know i am missing out, but now i am married and probably too late to form a male- friend relationship out of the blue.

Ps. My husband was a ,,friend" too, started hitting on me after few months of friendship ( met through same group of friends) ;)

@MiddleParking

A lot of people will just think that’s irrelevant because they wouldn’t consider a relationship with a bisexual man.

What about those in a relationship with a straight man who has a bisexual friend?

Probably one of the many many ignorant people who thinks non-straight equals peadophile.

Oh ffs.

I've hung out with a lot of paedophiles then.

I am in my mid 30's and through out of my life i had lots of friends mixture of women and men , but i had never been able to form a close ,,friend " relationship with a male, as they were always (10 out of 10 )ended up hitting on me, wanting more, telling me this clearly after a few months of getting on well etc,even after talking to them about strict friendship from my side since the beginning and i am a type of persom who is very clear about this from day one....

This is my experience and observation, and thats what I'm pointing out.

Fwiw there are quite a few women who are similar.

Sexual assult has nothing to do with sexuality. Its about power.

It was a bit of a cheap shot to assume women just assume anyone not straight is a predator.

When I was in my late teens/early 20s I had many male 'friends'. At one point or another they all tried to cop off with me (except the guy who turned out to be gay). One guy I thought of as a really close friend was a dick to me as soon as I got a boyfriend which was upsetting because I thought he was a really nice lad. The male friends I have today are by default, friends of my DH not anyone I would confide in or socialise with outside of a group. My DH has female friends from university but more as part of a wider group and he would be unlikely to meet up with them on a 1-1 basis.