Would you class this as favouring one DC over another?

[Blatentfavouritism]

Out for a few family meals over Christmas and when it comes to paying parents say they will pay for DC1 and partner and other DC2 pays for themselves and partner and GC1 (1 year old).

This isn't a one off. Always ends up with either DC2 paying for everyone or like this, even when DC2 suggests splitting the bill 3 ways.

AIBU to think this shows favouritism towards the child and partner they always pay for?

So not to drip feed, both DC on ok wages, DC1 is a 2 wages household and DC2 Is a 1 wage household with a young child.

They should either pay for both or neither. That’s definitely favouring DC1. I think if I were DC2 I just wouldn’t bother going. Not be a I expect to be paid for, but for the blatant favouritism.

Yes of course.

That's so strange that there must be more to it.
'Right, the bills £40 so we'll put in £30 to cover us and Bob. And you guys put in £10.'
'Um, what, why?'

That is really weird. I’d expect them to pay for everyone or just themselves in that situation. I don’t say parents have to be exactly equal about every last pound (I suspect my parents pay for my siblings on meals out that they don’t if they’re out with me, which is fine, I don’t need them to help me out whereas my siblings do), but to be so blatant in front of both children is not on.

That is totally unfair and DC2 must be devastated by this. Totally out of order in my eyes.

Why is DC2 being a total mug and paying for everyone?!

Are you or your partner dc2?
How often does this happen?

Not dissimilar to our family dynamic. Less paying for meals and more to do with adhoc gifts and things bought by our parents for DC1 vs DC2 and one set of grandchildren. It used to be because one DC was a single parent and relied on parents for support but now the two families are equal and the favouritism is still there

But why? They must have a reason?

DC1 is clearly the favourite. I'm surprised DC2 still accepts invitations out with their family.

Have you asked them why eg is there a massive difference in job types/salaries of the households?

Even if there is, there is v. clear favouritism here.

@arethereanyleftatall

That's so strange that there must be more to it. 'Right, the bills £40 so we'll put in £30 to cover us and Bob. And you guys put in £10.' 'Um, what, why?'

Nope I wish there was more to it but its as simple as "well we will order for us and DC1 and partner and go can order for you."

If anything is said they always avoid the questions or pretend not to have heard and keep repeating that.

Do they think that DC2’s family must be wealthier because there is a SAHP?

Have they ever ignored a direct, “mum, why do you always pay for Clare and Pete, and never for me?”

@Alieninmybody

Are you or your partner dc2? How often does this happen?

It happens at every occasion DC1 and DC2 are together.

I remember one big extended family meal, everyone paid into bill except DC1 and partner, because was paid for by parents. There was something like £25 too much put in, so parent gave it to DC1.

It's partners family. They accept it as normal as it has always been this way. I think they are starting to get a little hurt by it but hiding it well.

@LethargicActress

Do they think that DC2’s family must be wealthier because there is a SAHP?

Interesting, I’d assumed 1 income and child meant a single parent! But I think you’re more likely to be right. In that case, I’d see the 2 income household as “equal” to 1 income as DC2 had chosen that. Is there any way that they think you (DC2) are in a much wealthier household? My parents don’t know what each of their children earn and definitely make some wrong assumptions!

We have this exact situation with FIL, he will always pay for SIL and niece, but very rarely offers to pay for DH or DS (or me).

If we invite him out (on us) he will often then invite SIL and niece to join us and expect us to pay for them too.

I’m putting a stop to it this year, and have already got a few one liners and techniques ready.

It isn't fair based on the information you have said. Has this been discussed with the parents?

I’d suspect they are aware of certain financial information and are trying to help. Maybe saving for a house or fertility tx etc.

Pretty shoddy. I paid for adult and younger dc over Xmas for treats out. They all earn more than me! One night out in a bar we all paid a round each.

@fallfallfall

I’d suspect they are aware of certain financial information and are trying to help. Maybe saving for a house or fertility tx etc.

Certainly a possible reason, but not an excuse.

Ah, I'm guessing the 'always paid for' sibling is a girl/woman and the 'never paid for' sibling is a boy/man.

Because, "obvs." men would be insulted to be paid for where as the ladies, God bless 'em, must be taken care of.

Is DC1 female and DC2 male? Wonder if this could be something to do with it? Expecting male child to pay for themselves or for whole family, but not expecting female child to pay?

One branch of my family is like this.

It isn't much consolation in the moment, but in many ways I think it almost does more damage to the recipient of handouts, it tends to leave them really infantilised and unable to cope alone. Now the favoured child is retirement age with little to show for it and no parent to rely on for financial support.

Is DC1 a daughter and DC2 a son? Or visa versa?
However, it is absolutely wrong!! I could not imagine doing this to my two DC.