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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect an apology

123 replies

halftorn · 01/01/2022 12:58

Last night my partner and I went out for drinks early doors, intending to be home before things got too crazy out and about.

We went somewhere very local to where we live, so not a big walk home. At this point partner started saying we should have more drinks, he was out of money so I had to pay.

I wasn't bothered about drinking more out really but I wanted him to have a good time so bought what he asked for. We ended up leaving quite a bit of this untouched as he wanted to go. As much as that was a waste of money I bit my tongue in the interest of a nice evening. It was a 90% full bottle of fizzy wine that we left and there were some student aged people on the next table who asked if they could have it and I obviously said yes as otherwise it would have been wasted.

We went home and on the way he was clearly more tipsy than I thought. I had food ready for us at home, which we had and he was very happy with. We then watched a film of his choice. Again, all good.

As the regular TV countdown started I was in and out of the kitchen doing a small bit of washing up here and there. He rarely washes anything up so I find if I don't have something soaking and something drying all the time it gets stacked up. He is the main culprit for this because he uses every utensil, plate and pan going and has a different glass for every drink even if it's the same drink. I wasn't complaining about that, I just needed to do literally 3 minutes of washing up so something was drying and things keep moving.

Very close to midnight people started setting off fireworks near to a big landmark we live by and I went outside to look at them. They were the really big ones and honestly after a terrible year they just captivated me. Partner turned on the official fireworks in London thing and I walked in and out looking at that, nipping out to see the actual local fireworks as did he.

He started to turn at this point and said I should have watched the whole of the TV fireworks, even though he hadn't done that himself. He started implying that I'd ruined NYE.

He then wanted to watch 4 weddings and a funeral, a film I really don't like. He hasn't seen it. I VERY gently said I've seen it and it isn't something I really want to see again and he started raving that he wanted to see it. I (nicely) said, OK, let's watch this then.

He called me a bitch and went to bed, slamming the bedroom door.

That's not my aibu.

My aibu is that this morning I expected him to apologize, chalk his behavior up to too much booze, give me a hug and laugh it off as a silly row. The thing is he is totally furious with me. He's currently ignoring me.

We have been rocky for a bit and I just want to tell him to get it together or I'll leave him at the end of the month. I'm not angry, I just can't see how he can be angry with me.

Please don't be too harsh to me, I'm at a real low point. What should I say to him?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 01/01/2022 13:45

Well you need a backbone and he needs to learn how to wash up . Out of curiosity why didn’t you take the bottle home from the pub , is this not allowed ( I haven’t been in a proper pub for about 30 yrs ).

Bloodypunkrockers · 01/01/2022 13:47

All the tiptoeing around him. Speaking nicely and gently

That's no way to live

Shedmistress · 01/01/2022 13:50

What should I say to him?

Whose house is it?
If it is yours then 'fuck off'.
If his 'Fuck this i'm out of here'.

halftorn · 01/01/2022 13:50

@Doggosaurus Yes, very much so. Far more than this, so I struggle to see clearly.

OP posts:
halftorn · 01/01/2022 13:52

@Floralnomad Not allowed if open where we were.

I do need a backbone, you're right.

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 01/01/2022 13:54

He doesn't feel like he did anything wrong. It is expecting you to apologise to him.

If you don't leave now this could be the rest of your life, right in front of your eyes.

It's like sliding doors. Be brave, be bold, be beautiful.

Leave.

R0BYN · 01/01/2022 13:56

@Workyticket

You tread on eggshells the entire night for that twat, that's no life.

You bought, you cooked, you washed up, you tiptoed round him... All this 'very gently' stuff isn't normal in relationships and you need to sack him off rather than wait for an apology.

This.

I don’t see the point of him TBH. I can only assume he’s amazing in bed.

Cocomarine · 01/01/2022 13:57
  • you had to buy his drinks
  • which he then wasted
  • you had to leave when he says so
  • you’re the one skivvying around making his food
  • ditto on the skivvying clearing up after him (as usual)
  • he dictates the film choice, twice in an evening
  • he is a nasty mean shit to you

I’m actually really glad that he hasn’t blamed the alcohol and said sorry today. You shouldn’t accept that anyway, but you would. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll see that he’s a complete and utter fucking waste of space.

Don’t give him til the end of the month to improve.
Give him til the end of the day to pack.

5foot5 · 01/01/2022 13:58

@halftorn
Please don't be too harsh to me, I'm at a real low point. What should I say to him?

What should you say? Goodbye and good riddance.

This man sounds awful. Seriously awful. I am sorry you are feeling low and maybe that doesn't help you see the situation clearly. But you must be really low if you think that last night would be OK so long as you get an apology.

His behaviour to you is in no way normal or acceptable. You would be far, far better off single than trying to abuse this lazy, awful scrounger

5foot5 · 01/01/2022 14:01

I think I meant "trying to appease" not abuse

TheDivineOddity · 01/01/2022 14:02

Leave and leave soon, this relationship will not improve.

You sound young op, don't wait another moment to begin loving and valuing yourself.

When you're ready find someone who deserves you.

Waftypants · 01/01/2022 14:02

Just explain how you feel and the impact of his behaviour on you. It sounds like he won't get it but unless you tell him how will he know?

Iwantamarshmallowman · 01/01/2022 14:02

@Cocomarine

- you had to buy his drinks
  • which he then wasted
  • you had to leave when he says so
  • you’re the one skivvying around making his food
  • ditto on the skivvying clearing up after him (as usual)
  • he dictates the film choice, twice in an evening
  • he is a nasty mean shit to you

I’m actually really glad that he hasn’t blamed the alcohol and said sorry today. You shouldn’t accept that anyway, but you would. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll see that he’s a complete and utter fucking waste of space.

Don’t give him til the end of the month to improve.
Give him til the end of the day to pack.

This - LTB
gettingolderandgrumpy · 01/01/2022 14:04

All of the things you mentioned are shitty behaviour but the fact that he’s called you a bitch when you’ve done nothing wrong and not even apologised and he’s furious with you . Sorry but end it you deserve someone who treats you better op . Start the new year free of this Pratt .

GrendelsGrandma · 01/01/2022 14:06

What does this lazy belligerent selfish scrounging twat bring to your life? Why do you do all the cooking, cleaning etc?

meteoric · 01/01/2022 14:08

Kick him out OP.

Can you imagine ever sleeping with such a gross loser again?!

WallaceinAnderland · 01/01/2022 14:09

This is terrible OP, please don't try and salvage it. Just tell him you are ending it because you no longer feel a connection with him. Don't get into a discussion, it's not worth it.

Thehop · 01/01/2022 14:11

@Justmuddlingalong

"What should I say to him?" "I'm starting the new year as I mean to go on. Please collect your belongings and vacate the premises."
1000 times THIS
EnjoyingTheSilence · 01/01/2022 14:12

Yabu to give him til the end of the month.

Who owns the house? I take it there’s no kids

Unless this is a one off, he is an arsehole and you can do better. And if it is the first time he’s done it, he needs to be bending over backwards and showing you how sorry he is, words mean nothing.

Fetchthevet · 01/01/2022 14:13

You sound lovely, he sounds like a bellend. You deserve better.

ChaToilLeam · 01/01/2022 14:15

Give yourself the gift of being without this selfish abusive arsehole.

halftorn · 01/01/2022 14:16

@MadinMarch Oddly I'm less of a doormat than I used to be. Long way to go it seems.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 01/01/2022 14:17

Does he have any redeeming features?

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 01/01/2022 14:18

Start the new year off by leaving!

Russelhobskettle · 01/01/2022 14:19

What should you say to him? "Hi X I think our relationship has run it's course and is over. Please pack your bags today/I'm moving out today/whatever applies". Please don't get dragged into discussing reasons, what could improve etc. He won't change. Just repeat - No X, no point going over anything. We're through.

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