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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What did your DC's school do if you couldn't get your DC to school as you are too unwell?

423 replies

UndertheCedartree · 01/01/2022 02:32

Just posting here for traffic.

If you are a single parent and have been in a situation that you were still ill to get your DC to school what did school do? I will probably be in this situation next week. This happened once prior to Covid and some of the pastoral care teachers came and picked my DD up. It happened once recently and they suggested she stay at home and do online learning. That was fine as I had twisted my ankle and couldn't put any weight on it but I could help with online learning. However this time I have Covid and will not be able to do online learning with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 01/01/2022 22:01

@Mickarooni

Sorry, i misunderstood is the social worker for the children or for you? Do you have a social worker for your needs?
The DC have a social worker and I have a care coordinator who is a CPN. I'll drop her a text too.
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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 01/01/2022 22:04

@anonanonanon123

If you have covid your dc is part of your household they need to isolate with you they can't go to school.
They have Covid themselves. Their isolation ends on Tuesday and I will ensure they have a negative test before going back to school/college.
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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 01/01/2022 22:07

@notyourmummy

I hope you feel better soon OP. But I'm very concerned about any school staff collecting a primary aged child from their home and transporting in a private car to school. AFAIK (and I will check my suspicions with legal dept asap) this is putting them, you and your child in a very dodgy position. I've sanctioned paying for taxi plus escort for primary aged children but would never sanction school staff doing it themselves. If you can't get your child into school, you'll have to keep them home, but I'd recommend speaking to your Social Worker, as you clearly need additional support.
I assume it must all be above board as other posters said they do it at their school with appropriate insurance and 2 members of staff. I believe they check on vulnerable DC that aren't in school and if appropriate offer to bring them in.
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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 01/01/2022 22:09

@esloquehay

OP, I honestly think you should stop engaging with this thread. You've had some helpful advice, but for the main part you've had crappy responses from people who don't/can't understand your situation. I really do empathise, as I have physical and MH issues; and my DC and I have SS involvement. My DC are preschoolers, though, so attendance is not yet obligatory. This won't help now, but for future situations can your SW AND the school help build a support network that could step in when things get tough. We have only been in our town a year and I've established a small network of people who can support my family with stuff like lifts/shopping should things get tough. Anyway, I don't see how this thread can be helping you when you feel so poorly, so log off and look after yourself (and your DC). X
Thank you, such a kind response. Sending good wishes to you with your struggles too.
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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 01/01/2022 22:10

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

I worked in schools for 9 years. This kind of thing was actually part of my job. A few mornings a week, I went with the attendance officer to collect children who should have been in school.
Phew...was beginning to think I'd imagined it all!! Grin
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OverTheRubicon · 01/01/2022 22:30

OP, I honestly think you should stop engaging with this thread. You've had some helpful advice, but for the main part you've had crappy responses from people who don't/can't understand your situation

Op came on specifically asking what other single parents have done in this situation - but didn't mention until later on that her situation was extremely specific. It's also not bullying or crappy for other posters to say that the situation or her current approach is not ok, because it's not. There is a lack of support for disabled people, but also for young carers - and many parents needing care, like OP, can be prevented from really seeing how bad this is for the kids by the same needs that make them need care, and/or because they love their kids deeply and aren't ready to see the impact of caring. These children are clearly in need of more support, as is OP.

Op I really hope you stay well and get more support, and recover soon. It's good you're contacting people, and hope they can help.

elliejjtiny · 01/01/2022 22:36

Pre covid I have had school staff take my dc in their cars. Not sure if this still happens though. Once my dc1 was playing in an away football match and the pe teacher dropped him off at home in the school mini bus on the way to taking the others back to school. Really kind of him, took an extra 2 minutes and saved me a 2 hour round trip to pick him up from school.

I hope you can get something sorted OP.

Whataroyalannoyance · 01/01/2022 22:52

But the risks are still the same. Those people will also need the extra time, the insurance, the back up in case of issues

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/01/2022 22:55

If it wasn’t covid, and for some reason exh wasn’t able to take him (or imagining he wasn’t in the picture), I would probably see if a neighbour would walk him in. Even if he went in late or something. But I know my neighbours well.

Mickarooni · 01/01/2022 23:00

It sounds like you have some professionals in your life, so please contact them and let them guide you and help you. Def liaise with school, the SW and your CPN. With any luck, they’ll all communicate and help answer your queries so you can focus on yourself and your children. Try not to panic, you have a few days to get this figured out. Right now, your health is the priority, and your DC obviously. Flowers

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 01/01/2022 23:06

@OverTheRubicon

OP, I honestly think you should stop engaging with this thread. You've had some helpful advice, but for the main part you've had crappy responses from people who don't/can't understand your situation

Op came on specifically asking what other single parents have done in this situation - but didn't mention until later on that her situation was extremely specific. It's also not bullying or crappy for other posters to say that the situation or her current approach is not ok, because it's not. There is a lack of support for disabled people, but also for young carers - and many parents needing care, like OP, can be prevented from really seeing how bad this is for the kids by the same needs that make them need care, and/or because they love their kids deeply and aren't ready to see the impact of caring. These children are clearly in need of more support, as is OP.

Op I really hope you stay well and get more support, and recover soon. It's good you're contacting people, and hope they can help.

Thank you
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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 01/01/2022 23:13

Just to say my DC are fine. This hasn't been much worse for them than any family that have come down with Covid this Christmas of which there are many. We are all in my bed watching a movie. They have eaten left over pizza from the takeaway yesterday. They made me a cup of tea. All is good. They are both feeling better just tired. We will do another test on Monday.

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 01/01/2022 23:15

@Mickarooni

It sounds like you have some professionals in your life, so please contact them and let them guide you and help you. Def liaise with school, the SW and your CPN. With any luck, they’ll all communicate and help answer your queries so you can focus on yourself and your children. Try not to panic, you have a few days to get this figured out. Right now, your health is the priority, and your DC obviously. Flowers
Thank you Smile
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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 02/01/2022 01:00

@MyOtherProfile - it wouldn't be a class teacher who would come and pick the DC up!! It would be support staff. They come after having done the gat e/road duty in the morning.

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 02/01/2022 01:14

@CallmeHendricks

Can you imagine the slippery slope to expectation and entitlement if schools were to begin operating any kind of taxi service for parents/children?
You really have no idea. I expect the kind of thing you think would be a 'slippery slope' happen all the time! Some families are vulnerable and some need support. How entitled of them! Hmm
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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 02/01/2022 01:59

@Muchmorethan

My DC primary school would only help the families that had attendance issues.

Also as previously mentioned, if you're well enough to post coherently on here then you're not ill.

Really? So people are kept in hospital when they're not ill? I and many others have posted for support when in hospital. Why is it I can't stand up if I'm not ill? My GP thinks I'm ill with Covid...maybe they're wrong?
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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 02/01/2022 02:07

@LizzieVereker
I’m sorry you were in this situation, but it does happen in many schools in South London. It is easier for big secondaries as you need a big enough pastoral staff to enable two members of staff to go and a vehicle with the right car insurance. I work for a big MAT in SE London and we are able to do this daily, and our primaries can also offer it sometimes. Children are safer at school and parents recover quicker if they are helped like this.

Yes, exactly this is a big Primary school within MAT with 1000 DC. They have enough staff to support families in this way when needed.

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 02/01/2022 03:00

@likeafishneedsabike - sounds great, thank you

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 02/01/2022 03:04

@TequilaBlaze

There's no need to be sarcastic OP. Lots of people are trying to offer ideas but you've turned most of them down. For someone who can't help their child learn online you're certainly able to respond to a lot of MN messages; perhaps you're more capable than you think.
About half are people suggesting I ask on watsapp or a school mum! I answered that right at the beginning. As I've also said I am aware what I can/can't do. Who knew the only qualification for teaching is being able to post on a basic internet forum?!
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Mummyoflittledragon · 02/01/2022 06:33

Are you sure there is no WhatsApp group op? Perhaps you’re just not part of it. Parents get missed off, not malicious or anything. I would try texting any parents, whose numbers you have from any past play dates or birthday parties to ask if there is a WA group or if they know anyone, who goes past your home. You may not have saved the numbers, but hopefully have the texts.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 02/01/2022 07:37

That's good advice. It seems from my friends and acquaintances that every school class has a WhatsApp group. If you ask the teacher for the class rep details, that will be the person who can add you. If you ask neighbours, there may also be a WhatsApp or email group for your road. It takes a little effort to set up a support network, but it's worthwhile for the future.

Heshcher · 02/01/2022 07:49

As a teacher, I'm really glad to see how many people are having their eyes openes by this post. You have no idea how much school staff are doing and why so many schools are at breaking point and simly cannot continue to function without more funding. Maybe have a little think about this before you next make rude comments about lazy teachers who won't do what you want them to.

RedHelenB · 02/01/2022 08:07

Do you not know any other parents who could take her for you? As a single parent I'd expect to sort it out myself rather than ask the school. How old is the child and how far to school?

YellowDots · 02/01/2022 08:51

@RedHelenB

Do you not know any other parents who could take her for you? As a single parent I'd expect to sort it out myself rather than ask the school. How old is the child and how far to school?

This is quite a long thread. Everything you have asked in your post has been answered already within it.

Excitedforthefuture · 02/01/2022 08:51

This is an Op
Where really beneficial to advance hearth previous threads to get a clear idea that there is a lot lot more to the situation than presented in this particular thread