We are going to leave

[FluffyT]

This is my NY resolution and I am putting it out there.
I am taking my DS and we’re leaving. By the end of 2022 we will have gone and be getting on with our lives without fear.
He is not going to hurt us much longer.
We are done here. We are getting out.

Good on you, run and don’ t look back.

By the way, you can start claiming UC before you leave the house as long as it is understood that you are actually separated and you don’t do anything for him but I suspect being open about it may put both you and your son in danger.

Make your plan
Get as much money together as possible.
If you don’t want to be found ever, make a parallel story to anyone you have to tell ( e.g. work is moving me to London when you are in fact moving to north Wales)
Make sure you cannot be tracked via SM.

Good luck. I did this 20 + years ago. It was scary, but successful and he never found me. I got a brilliant job, started a sideline and made a lot of money. He died from his alcoholism despite all the help that was offered.

[quote FluffyT]**@Londonr* I'm sorry things are so hard for you. I understand about the refuge thing as you have a teenage son. BUT you can approach any council and they have to help you as its Domestic violence. They will likely put you in emergency/temporary accommodation. If your not safe please leave ASAP. Don't wait till the end of 2022.*

I won’t be waiting. We will be gone by April. I have approached the council and they don’t have anywhere because of COVID. We will do it by ourselves.[/quote]
Any chance of getting out sooner?

Stay safe

This is what I was thinking OP. If he is beating you, you need to leave asap

Just checking in op

How are your plans to get out going?

Wish there was more I could do than send hope and strength for the 'waiting time'. Hopefully the days will speed by and it will be April before you know it. Or that you'll be able to leave sooner.

OP - how are you getting on? Hope you are safe and are progressing well with your preparations.

The only tiny shred of hope is that she will have SS in her life for ever now.
Her child’s interview “Ugly Kane” made me shudder.
He was incredibly manipulative ( right down to needing an Appropriate Adult in his interview) and ordering the officers around after his suicide attempt. How those POs didn’t knock his head off, I’ll never know.
I could only hope that her older children were removed from her permanently, as any future children will.
RIP baby Teddie, you didn’t deserve the life you had.

Sorry, wrong thread, no idea how that happened.

Like others have pointed out the council is wrong to turn you away, did they do a full housing needs assessment? Please seek advice from Shelter or a domestic violence charity who will be able to advocate for you with the council. You may not be eligible for a refuge due to your son, but given you have evidence your partner has been physically violent to you, and a child (not that it would matter if you didn't, but it will show how urgent things are) you absolutely need to go back to them and ask for help now.

Did the hospital make a referral to social care because of your child's injuries? You will be believed if you tell someone how the injuries happened, you don't need to worry about anyone 'siding' with your partner, the physical evidence is recorded.

You can't wait until April during which time your child be subjected to more abuse, you are obviously in the right mind frame to leave so don't stay otherwise you will always find a reason to delay things.

Did you report him to the police? Did he get arrested?

April is very far.

How are you getting on

Why a DVPO? Those are for situations where there isn’t enough evidence to charge and further violence is feared. If you and your son have visible injuries, and presumably you each witnessed the assaults on each other, I would be looking to take this to the CPS for a charging decision. Did you report to the police and make statements?

Good god OP this sounds like a really dangerous situation for both of you. Please get out of there as quickly as you safely can. Lots of info here on what local authorities should be doing to house you - www.gov.uk/guidance/homelessness-code-of-guidance-for-local-authorities/chapter-21-domestic-abuse

I wonder if you could get an IDVA to advocate for you? Here is the info and you can self refer.
reducingtherisk.org.uk/cms/content/court-idva-service/
You need to be out of there or you could both end up dead. Please get help and get out.

Have the police Been involved? Normally if there is dv going on and a child In the home the police contact social services who then become involved if the child is seem as being in danger because of the dv. Social services then help mum and child to leave. Via a refuge or emgency accommodation. It's normally done pretty fast because of safety. The rights of the home/money are looked into after the mum and child are safe.

If he's hurt your son are social services involved ?

Please get out sooner. April could be too late.

Contact the police and get SS involved as previoy posters have said.

You can and will do this. But please do it soon.

Looking forward to your update!

I admire your strength, bravery and positive choice to leave. Best wishes and good luck.

Good for you and best of luck! Sending courage.