Just out of hospital, DH keeps mentioning New Years plans

[TheRemotePart]

I was up all night ( as I am most nights) with my small baby.
This morning, I felt extremely unwell and was taking into hospital for furthers tests for 7 hours
*am ok, just have to take it easy and follow up with GP with what they found.

When I returned, DH mentioned his single BFs New Years plans had fell through and he felt bad for him
When I awoke at diner time ( napping with out baby) the first thing DH said again was “oh I feel really bad for BF being by himself “
To which I replied : are you more worried about him than me?
And obviously he hasn’t mentioned it since

Prior to being hospitalised, I had said to DH if his BF wants to pop round after his evening plans - he should. ( even though it’s our first New Years as family, I’d probably be asleep)
And BF is a very nice and kind friend to DH ( but they seem incapable of drinking a small amount)
and often “forgets” DH has family commitments

YABU- ask his BF to come over the Bells, you’ll be asleep anyways
YANBU - you were in hospital 6 hours ago and need to be recuperating not spending another night doing child care duties,

**BF has family close by too.

You’ve just come out of hospital. Your DH should not be drinking, and should be responsible for your child tonight.

Surely other than any feeds if breastfed he will be too busy looking the baby to entertain?

I’m sure his friend can look after himself

YANBU, he's being ridiculous. You might have left your real surname in your post btw. If that bothers you just send a message to MN.

@CanofCant

YANBU, he's being ridiculous. You might have left your real surname in your post btw. If that bothers you just send a message to MN.

I think by the Bells she means the NY bells

@TooWicked

You’ve just come out of hospital. Your DH should not be drinking, and should be responsible for your child tonight.

This. Yes, it is a pain that his best mate's plans have fallen through. But that has happened to a lot of people.

You are not well. You have a v small baby. Do not invite bf round as it will not be fair on him (as your place will be a quiet one tonight). Rest, sleep and make sure your DH knows that he is on full baby duty tonight.

He has mentioned it since so it's not a major issue.

I wouldn't want anyone in my house drinking while I'm sleeping, especially if I'm unwell and the baby could wake at any time.
DH needs to not drink. You could easily be taken ill again.

@CanofCant oh bless you, no I mean The bells at new year

"I think by the Bells she means the NY bells "

Oh of course! How embarrassing thanks!

Yanbu your dh needs to be focused on supporting you and your small baby and should not be entertaining any possibility of any kind of boozy new year celebrations with BF. If he and BF are happy to agree to stay totally sober they could be in sole charge of baby overnight while you sleep but it's not on for them to do that if there's any chance they might get pissed. Not knowing the men in question, I don't know how realistic this is. I would certainly have trusted my own DH and his BF to behave responsibly in similar circumstances myself but my DH's BF is teetotal due to digestive issues and is a paediatrician so I appreciate it would have been a very different decision for me!

If you don't want him to come over just say!

But your language is a bit dramatic, 7 hours at A&E isn't really "hospitalised"

Don’t feel guilty, your DH needs to realise he’s not a single person now and help you recover by doing his fair share of parenting.

@Shitfuckcommaetc

If you don't want him to come over just say!

But your language is a bit dramatic, 7 hours at A&E isn't really "hospitalised"

Yes to both these comments

@Shitfuckcommaetc that’s very rude. I’m a real person who was taken away from her baby in an ambulance this early morning
X-rays blood tests , iv catheter placed and no food = inpatient.
If you don’t have anything nice to say….

If your home is big enough that you can sleep with the friend there and you have the type of personality where you can actually sleep when there is an extra person in the house, then I would be ok with DH having his friend over for the evening with one big caveat. Your DH should still be in charge of the baby for the night and only bringing the baby to you for breastfeeding. He should be doing everything else and the evening should stay mellow enough that caring for the baby isn’t a problem at all.

The BF coming over in itself wouldn’t bother me but my husband is a very restrained drinker.
It sound like tonight wouldn’t just be tonight but would likely go on the the early hours and leave your husband hungover and useless all day tomorrow.

YANBU!

I wouldn't mind DP having his friend round if they were quiet and he wasn't drinking so that he could still get up during the night with the baby but it doesn't sound like he would be up for doing that so definitely not BU!

It his friend comes over will they be drinking heavily? If so then it would be a no for me.

Otherwise if they agree not to drink and DP will look after the baby so you can rest, then I'd be ok with him coming over, so long as he's a nice guy as not an arse and can be trusted to be respectful

You seem very dramatic.

Just say you'd prefer he didn't come over.

Yeah I don’t know if I can trust them to be sensible tbh…. Not enough to be able to sleep properly
DH never takes a “night shift” so I’m nervous enough as it is…
I was just wondering if I should suck it up for one more nighy, and try and not die this time !

@TheRemotePart

Yeah I don’t know if I can trust them to be sensible tbh…. Not enough to be able to sleep properly DH never takes a “night shift” so I’m nervous enough as it is… I was just wondering if I should suck it up for one more nighy, and try and not die this time !

If you can't trust your husband to be sensible when you've spent the night in hospital what's the point in him?

Your dh needs to remember his wife comes first.

@TheRemotePart

Yeah I don’t know if I can trust them to be sensible tbh…. Not enough to be able to sleep properly DH never takes a “night shift” so I’m nervous enough as it is… I was just wondering if I should suck it up for one more nighy, and try and not die this time !

Did you die last time?

Sorry, hit post when I hadn't finished.

Like others have said, if the BF just wants to come and hang out, fair enough, they can look after baby, but I wouldn't want them drinking.

I don't think that DH is wrong for feeling badly for his friend - he can feel bad for more than one person so I would cringe if my husband said what you did to your DH to me and chastised me for caring about my friend. I don't think others should try and control or dictate how I feel or be annoyed I care about a friend.

I also don't think they should be drinking tonight given your health sounds still a bit unstable. If you are going to be sleeping, I don't see any issue with a friend popping around to visit for a couple hours.

@TooWicked

You’ve just come out of hospital. Your DH should not be drinking, and should be responsible for your child tonight.

Oh my goodness. This 100%. I hope you’re feeling better soon.