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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just out of hospital, DH keeps mentioning New Years plans

95 replies

TheRemotePart · 31/12/2021 17:32

I was up all night ( as I am most nights) with my small baby.
This morning, I felt extremely unwell and was taking into hospital for furthers tests for 7 hours
*am ok, just have to take it easy and follow up with GP with what they found.

When I returned, DH mentioned his single BFs New Years plans had fell through and he felt bad for him
When I awoke at diner time ( napping with out baby) the first thing DH said again was “oh I feel really bad for BF being by himself “
To which I replied : are you more worried about him than me?
And obviously he hasn’t mentioned it since

Prior to being hospitalised, I had said to DH if his BF wants to pop round after his evening plans - he should. ( even though it’s our first New Years as family, I’d probably be asleep)
And BF is a very nice and kind friend to DH ( but they seem incapable of drinking a small amount)
and often “forgets” DH has family commitments

YABU- ask his BF to come over the Bells, you’ll be asleep anyways
YANBU - you were in hospital 6 hours ago and need to be recuperating not spending another night doing child care duties,

**BF has family close by too.

OP posts:

autieok · 31/12/2021 20:50

Nbu you need support with the baby. There are other New Years

girlmom21 · 31/12/2021 20:50

@Redarrow2017

I’d take myself off to bed and relax with snacks and a movie and let him celebrate downstairs with his friend if your house is big enough that they won’t be too noisy and disturb you and the baby

Why's she the one looking after the baby?

RantyAunty · 31/12/2021 20:54

No, his priority needs to be you and the child.
He really does need to learn how to take care of his child.

Have him facetime with his mate at midnight with a glass of champagne. They can talk shite and watch stupid youtubes or whatever they do.

I'd be cautious having people over anyway. All you and the baby need is to get sick with covid now.

Workyticket · 31/12/2021 21:01

If I was shattered and heading to bed I'd not begrudge dh a night in with his pal.

I'd be clear that he's on baby duty and he can decide if his night can fit around that.

Depends what's wrong with you really 🤷‍♀️

LostForIdeas · 31/12/2021 21:05

@Bagamoyo1 are you seriously saying that the ONLY a reason why the OP should be in night time duty is if she is at door death?
Otherwise she is supposed to suck it all and do the night shift. Exhausted or not. Ill (with a non threatening illness) or not.
Nothing should go in between a man’s wish to get drunk with his mate on NYE.

Okayyy….

LostForIdeas · 31/12/2021 21:07

I think it’s clear that the OP would not and cannot trust her DH to do a night duty, let alone doing it whilst ‘having fun drinking’ with his mate….

So yes that option is out because the man is a twat anyway who still hasn’t done any night duty and isn’t capable of controlling his alcohol intake.

MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe · 31/12/2021 21:09

My MIL fell and cracked her bloody head open 2 months ago when covid cases weren't as high and couldn't get an ambulance for love nor money, so if they sent an ambulance out earlier to the OP they probably had reason to believe she needed it! I hope you get better soon and I think he should give this NYE with his friend a miss.

WreathSupreme · 31/12/2021 21:14

@CanofCant

YANBU, he's being ridiculous. You might have left your real surname in your post btw. If that bothers you just send a message to MN.

What?

CPL593H · 31/12/2021 21:16

Why when the OP has said she doesn't trust her DH and his BF to control their drink intake (and it is NYE) and DH has never done night shifts, are people suggesting that she leaves her small baby with them while she has an early night?

There is all kinds of not OK going on here, but good grief.

BoodleBug51 · 31/12/2021 21:18

Couldn't look after the baby for 7 hours so your Mum had to step in....... and I'm betting he's gone out, hasn't he?

Raise your bar, seriously. If you act like a doormat, you can't complain when people wipe their feet on you.

Original poster

TheRemotePart · 31/12/2021 21:19

Update
DH is aware he is on Night Shift tonight and I’m going to sleep in spare room

I don’t know what BF ended up doing and DH ( so far) had the sense not to bring it up again

OP posts:

spotcheck · 31/12/2021 21:27

@Steelesauce

You seem very dramatic.

Just say you'd prefer he didn't come over.

How is she being dramatic? It is sometimes really really tedious to explain to someone why they need to be a grown up

AnAverageMum · 31/12/2021 21:41

Fuck no. Frankly his hinting alone would irritate the life out of me - selfish.

Greenmarmalade · 31/12/2021 21:55

@AnAverageMum me too.

SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 31/12/2021 22:11

Hm... If this were my DH then I really wouldn't mind him having one close friend round, but that's because I know my DH is sensible and would probably only have a couple of beers, would turf the friend out at a decent time, and would have the baby in the living room with him and his friend whilst I slept. So I would get some rest, and it would make little difference to me whether or not his friend was there.

It sounds like the real issue here is that you don't trust your DH to be responsible. If you're worried he's going to sit up with him mate and get pissed whilst you have to recover from hospital and look after your newborn alone, then I would be rethinking the whole marriage. He sounds totally useless.

NumberTheory · 31/12/2021 22:15

OP I think your are you more worried about him than me? response was just perfect and it obviously had the right impact. Well done for valuing yourself enough not to facilitating his, hopefully momentary, relapse into immaturity.

gerardsbutler · 31/12/2021 22:27

@CanofCant

"I think by the Bells she means the NY bells

Oh of course! How embarrassing thanks!

Oh god, I have properly laughed at this. I am sorry.

Sorry OP too.

pilates · 31/12/2021 22:39

Glad he came to his senses

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2021 23:43

@NumberTheory

This. Plus come the NY you will have to encourage him to do more overnights because finding out how to look after your own child ONLY because your partner is incapacitated is pathetic.

mylovelydd · 01/01/2022 15:26

I'm just trying to think of any relationship I know where if the man had been in hospital for 7 hours and was sore, tired and wrung out (as well as in pain) where the wife would decide it was a great idea to prioritise her mates coming round for a sesh or planned to go out and leave the man looking after the baby all night, knowing her husband could have a relapse...

Nope can't think of one.

What kind of society are we living in where men's rights to get pissed trump looking after his wife and children?

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