Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just out of hospital, DH keeps mentioning New Years plans

95 replies

TheRemotePart · 31/12/2021 17:32

I was up all night ( as I am most nights) with my small baby.
This morning, I felt extremely unwell and was taking into hospital for furthers tests for 7 hours
*am ok, just have to take it easy and follow up with GP with what they found.

When I returned, DH mentioned his single BFs New Years plans had fell through and he felt bad for him
When I awoke at diner time ( napping with out baby) the first thing DH said again was “oh I feel really bad for BF being by himself “
To which I replied : are you more worried about him than me?
And obviously he hasn’t mentioned it since

Prior to being hospitalised, I had said to DH if his BF wants to pop round after his evening plans - he should. ( even though it’s our first New Years as family, I’d probably be asleep)
And BF is a very nice and kind friend to DH ( but they seem incapable of drinking a small amount)
and often “forgets” DH has family commitments

YABU- ask his BF to come over the Bells, you’ll be asleep anyways
YANBU - you were in hospital 6 hours ago and need to be recuperating not spending another night doing child care duties,

**BF has family close by too.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 31/12/2021 18:30

you text BF and say " Bit if a panic this am, I have been in hospital for 7 hours of tests, back home now for REST.

Sorry, this means we've cancelled New Year, DH will be playing nurse and sober in case I need help or another trip to hospital.

Happy New Year. See you next year (but NOT TONIGHT)

Midlifemusings · 31/12/2021 18:36

@2bazookas

That would be very controlling behaviour.

girlmom21 · 31/12/2021 18:37

@2bazookas

you text BF and say " Bit if a panic this am, I have been in hospital for 7 hours of tests, back home now for REST.

Sorry, this means we've cancelled New Year, DH will be playing nurse and sober in case I need help or another trip to hospital.

Happy New Year. See you next year (but NOT TONIGHT)

This is a bonkers suggestion.
1forAll74 · 31/12/2021 18:46

I would let him have his friend over, especially if you decide to sleep a bit, and you won't be left alone in the house anyway.

IcicleIcicle · 31/12/2021 18:50

Fuck that OP, what are you thinking?! There should be no question in either of your minds about this and he's a dick for even hinting about his BF coming round. Would you have friends round for a boozy night if he'd just been discharged from hospital? No you wouldn't, you'd just assume you were on childcare/nursemaid duty and get on with it. And there's your answer. Hope you feel better soon and please stop with the guilt and start putting yourself first, someone certainly should be Flowers

WonderfulYou · 31/12/2021 18:51

I would encourage them to go out/go to BFs so you can get an early night and some proper rest.

girlmom21 · 31/12/2021 18:53

@WonderfulYou

I would encourage them to go out/go to BFs so you can get an early night and some proper rest.
She was up all night with the baby, has been at the hospital all day and was ill enough for an ambulance, and you think he should go out?
Cherrysoup · 31/12/2021 18:54

I can’t believe he’s trying to guilt you into this, what an incredibly inconsiderate git. I’d be giving a firm no.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 31/12/2021 19:04

@TooWicked

You’ve just come out of hospital. Your DH should not be drinking, and should be responsible for your child tonight.
Of course this! Surely that's a given, OP!
BingBongToTheMoon · 31/12/2021 19:08

No he shouldn’t be coming for the bells!
Your DH is being an arse.

Sideswiped · 31/12/2021 19:09

What is it with the downright nasty and overtly sarcastic poster on here lately? Hmm
OP, I hope you are feeling better or will soon.
YANBU to want to be peaceful and quiet in your own home and to celebrate your NY in the way you want to.

Sideswiped · 31/12/2021 19:10

posters

WonderfulYou · 31/12/2021 19:10

She was up all night with the baby, has been at the hospital all day and was ill enough for an ambulance, and you think he should go out?

What other options is there?

Does he sound like the type of person to not drink and get up in the night with the baby?

It sounds like OP is fed up with him and could use some time without him, which I wouldn’t blame her for.

whynotwhatknot · 31/12/2021 19:12

He sounds like a catch-youve been in hposital most of the day and he wants his mate round because its new years eve

He also doesnt do any nights with the baby-youre so lucky

Original poster
TheRemotePart · 31/12/2021 19:13
  • to be fair to DH , I think his BF was guilting him and he feels bad. But I just wish he’d dealt with it and not made ME have to say y/n to any of it
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 31/12/2021 19:17

@WonderfulYou

She was up all night with the baby, has been at the hospital all day and was ill enough for an ambulance, and you think he should go out?

What other options is there?

Does he sound like the type of person to not drink and get up in the night with the baby?

It sounds like OP is fed up with him and could use some time without him, which I wouldn’t blame her for.

The other options are she says: actually I'm having an early night and you're on baby duty. I need to rest. Invite BF if you want to but you need to be fully fit to look after the baby. Surely.

That's definitely a more sensible option than him going out Hmm

WonderfulYou · 31/12/2021 19:22

The other options are she says: actually I'm having an early night and you're on baby duty. I need to rest. Invite BF if you want to but you need to be fully fit to look after the baby. Surely.

That's definitely a more sensible option than him going out

I agree, but I think if that was an option OP wouldn’t be posting on here.

It’s definitely something that needs to be sorted but I doubt OP has the energy for that argument tonight.

BoodleBug51 · 31/12/2021 19:25

Firstly, you are both parents to your baby so why are you doing all the nights? Even if you're BFing he could help.

Secondly, what sort of arsehole sees his wife exhausted and unwell...... and hankers after a night out with his BF.

You need to establish some very firm ground rules here OP of acceptable behaviour now he's a parent, and make it clear that today is a day to step up to the plate. There are so many martyred women on MN who let their DP's take the absolute piss then resent the hell out of it..... don't be that person. Invite his mate round by all accounts, but he's looking after the baby while he does so.

6demandingchildren · 31/12/2021 19:26

It's just 1 night, you need to rest and your dh needs to make sure that you are rested.
You and the baby should be priority not his friend

girlmom21 · 31/12/2021 19:27

@WonderfulYou he hasn't mentioned it since she told him he was a knob.

Morgan12 · 31/12/2021 19:27

Fuckin men.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 31/12/2021 19:28

@whynotwhatknot

He sounds like a catch-youve been in hposital most of the day and he wants his mate round because its new years eve

He also doesnt do any nights with the baby-youre so lucky

My husband has never done night stuff either. He does other stuff to support me instead. He’d never consider having his mate around in these circumstances though.
AbandonedCharacter · 31/12/2021 19:30

You don't sound dramatic at all! What a horrible situation for you and I hope you feel well soon.

I can't believe your DH's only concern isn't for you. I'm sure his friend will survive being on his own for one NYE given the circumstances.

CalishataFolkart · 31/12/2021 19:32

Has he actually said he wants BF to come round? If not it’s a bit of a leap from him saying he feels sorry for his pal to he cares more about his pal than you and wants to get lashed with him tonight.

Or does he have form for not using his big boy words?

It’s a moot point really because of course it should just be the pair of you and the baby tonight, for safety and comfort. Hope you feel better soon.

ImprobablePuffin · 31/12/2021 19:39

I'm a bit lost, apologies if this has already been mentioned but:

Have you said to DH he is on baby duty tonight?

Has he actually said BF is coming round?

Swipe left for the next trending thread