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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just out of hospital, DH keeps mentioning New Years plans

95 replies

TheRemotePart · 31/12/2021 17:32

I was up all night ( as I am most nights) with my small baby.
This morning, I felt extremely unwell and was taking into hospital for furthers tests for 7 hours
*am ok, just have to take it easy and follow up with GP with what they found.

When I returned, DH mentioned his single BFs New Years plans had fell through and he felt bad for him
When I awoke at diner time ( napping with out baby) the first thing DH said again was “oh I feel really bad for BF being by himself “
To which I replied : are you more worried about him than me?
And obviously he hasn’t mentioned it since

Prior to being hospitalised, I had said to DH if his BF wants to pop round after his evening plans - he should. ( even though it’s our first New Years as family, I’d probably be asleep)
And BF is a very nice and kind friend to DH ( but they seem incapable of drinking a small amount)
and often “forgets” DH has family commitments

YABU- ask his BF to come over the Bells, you’ll be asleep anyways
YANBU - you were in hospital 6 hours ago and need to be recuperating not spending another night doing child care duties,

**BF has family close by too.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRemotePart · 31/12/2021 19:40

@Morgan12 indeed..

OP posts:
thetinsoldier · 31/12/2021 19:45

Yanbu! Your h needs to step up and look after your baby tonight so you can sleep. What a selfish git, thinking he can see a mate and get pissed 🙄

I hope you feel better soon.

Redarrow2017 · 31/12/2021 19:45

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Abraxan · 31/12/2021 19:52

@WonderfulYou

I would encourage them to go out/go to BFs so you can get an early night and some proper rest.
And who looks after the baby if they go out?
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 31/12/2021 19:52

@Redarrow2017

I’d take myself off to bed and relax with snacks and a movie and let him celebrate downstairs with his friend if your house is big enough that they won’t be too noisy and disturb you and the baby
Course you would. What a cool wife.
Abraxan · 31/12/2021 19:53

@WonderfulYou

She was up all night with the baby, has been at the hospital all day and was ill enough for an ambulance, and you think he should go out?

What other options is there?

Does he sound like the type of person to not drink and get up in the night with the baby?

It sounds like OP is fed up with him and could use some time without him, which I wouldn’t blame her for.

What other options?

He doesn't go out.
The friend doesn't come round.
He looks after his wife.
He takes care of his baby, including overnight.

Mybalconyiscracking · 31/12/2021 19:55

It’s NYE, I’d let him have his friend over and head off to bed myself.

Frazzled2207 · 31/12/2021 19:59

Yanbu. You are more important than the bf. I’d be fine with the bf coming over if they weren’t going to get too pissed and dh could still be relied upon to settle the baby if he woke.

Bagamoyo1 · 31/12/2021 20:08

Presumably he looked after the baby all day today while you were in hospital, so wouldn’t it be OK for him to have a bit of time chatting to a friend? Especially if you’re going to bed early.
Also without knowing what is wrong with you, it’s hard to comment on how much it should impact in everyone’s lives. 7 hours in A&E is nothing these days, and doesn’t necessarily indicate severe pathology. Of course if you’re facing a life changing medical problem and you only found out today, then I would expect him to be more solicitous.

Skyeheather · 31/12/2021 20:11

Surely the BF has other friends/family he could spend the evening with? Why does it have to be your house or nothing?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 31/12/2021 20:14

@Bagamoyo1

Presumably he looked after the baby all day today while you were in hospital, so wouldn’t it be OK for him to have a bit of time chatting to a friend? Especially if you’re going to bed early. Also without knowing what is wrong with you, it’s hard to comment on how much it should impact in everyone’s lives. 7 hours in A&E is nothing these days, and doesn’t necessarily indicate severe pathology. Of course if you’re facing a life changing medical problem and you only found out today, then I would expect him to be more solicitous.
Imagine if the husband was in A&E and the wife wanted to spend the night getting pissed up with her mate because she’d had the baby all day.

“Here you go MrRemote, it’s your shift now”

Hankunamatata · 31/12/2021 20:18

I would head to bed. Leave baby with dh and let him have his mate over. Say no drink and they can see in the new year with a coffee

WonderfulYou · 31/12/2021 20:19

And who looks after the baby if they go out?

@Abraxan OP has said he doesn’t do night shifts with the baby and she wouldn’t trust him if he was there with his mate so she wouldn’t sleep properly.

doodleygirl · 31/12/2021 20:23

The way you speak sounds like a parent talking about a naughty teen. Why are you married to a child?

LessTime · 31/12/2021 20:24

I honestly don’t think it would bother me as I would be asleep. He can still look after the baby.

And, no I’m not a ‘cool’ wife or whatever, I just wouldn’t care about this issue. I also really dislike the thought of being in a relationship where partners have to give permission for the other person to do things.

mathanxiety · 31/12/2021 20:27

Someone needs to sit the baby down and explain what NYE means to his father and his father's friend, and insist that he take the night off from babying.

FuckeryIsAfoot · 31/12/2021 20:33

@Redarrow2017

I’d take myself off to bed and relax with snacks and a movie and let him celebrate downstairs with his friend if your house is big enough that they won’t be too noisy and disturb you and the baby
Aww, well aren't you just lovely and amazing. All of our husbands would just love to be with you instead of us shitty wives who expect to be top fucking priority when we have been taken away in an ambulance and are exhausted.

DFOD.

FuckeryIsAfoot · 31/12/2021 20:34

Presumably he looked after the baby all day today while you were in hospital, so wouldn’t it be OK for him to have a bit of time chatting to a friend

You make it sounds like she's been off to have a relaxing day.

Has the world actually gone fucking mad?

OwMyToe · 31/12/2021 20:36

I think I'd tell him exactly how he'd made me feel by his embarrassing hints about his friend. He really does seem to care more about his friend's plans falling through than how his wife is feeling. I'd be hurt, but also angry. Now that he's a father, his carefree youth is gone. Time to grow up. He has a small baby and a wife who has very recently been quite unwell.

He shouldn't need to have you tell him that this isn't a good time for visitors or for him to be drinking. His single friend will survive a disappointing NYE.

Abraxan · 31/12/2021 20:38

@Bagamoyo1

Presumably he looked after the baby all day today while you were in hospital, so wouldn’t it be OK for him to have a bit of time chatting to a friend? Especially if you’re going to bed early. Also without knowing what is wrong with you, it’s hard to comment on how much it should impact in everyone’s lives. 7 hours in A&E is nothing these days, and doesn’t necessarily indicate severe pathology. Of course if you’re facing a life changing medical problem and you only found out today, then I would expect him to be more solicitous.
It doesn't sound like the op sat in the a and e waiting room for 7 hours, based on the treatment they had whilst there and the fact they were taken in by ambulance. It suggests much if the time was being treated, not waiting to be seen.

And yes, he hopefully,did have baby during the day. It's not like the op was off having fun, relaxing. They were in hospital. So yes, the husband needs to up his game and keep in taking care of HIS baby it's being and overnight too. The op needs to rest.

As a very most, if his friend came round, the husband can't be drinking and needs to be overseeing the care of his baby whilst the op goes to bed and rests overnight.

Abraxan · 31/12/2021 20:38

@WonderfulYou

And who looks after the baby if they go out?

@Abraxan OP has said he doesn’t do night shifts with the baby and she wouldn’t trust him if he was there with his mate so she wouldn’t sleep properly.

So it's time he steps up and learns to do overnights then isn't it?

Just because he hasn't before doesn't mean he can't start doing it now. About time too.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/12/2021 20:39

Your DH needs to focus 100% on your and your health

Making sure you get as much rest as possible should be his - and your - priority.

Original poster
TheRemotePart · 31/12/2021 20:40
  • I must point out, DGM was here to help with baby when I was in
OP posts:
ImprobablePuffin · 31/12/2021 20:41

@TheRemotePart

* I must point out, DGM was here to help with baby when I was in
So he can't be trusted to look after the baby on his own? Tell us again why you're with him?
Greenmarmalade · 31/12/2021 20:43

No! He should be looking after you!

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