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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long story

96 replies

babble123 · 30/12/2021 20:13

Ok so this is a long one and like something out of a soap drama.
I have been with my partner 10 years.
In feb 2020 I slept with a coworker and ended up pregnant. I was in 2 minds as to keep it, I bled and had 3 emergency scans in the first trimester and once I saw the heartbeat I couldn't not keep him. Fast forward I have a healthy boy. My partner is completely unaware that he isn't the father.
A few weeks back I told coworker he was the dad. Baring in mind he is with his partner and they have a 8 year old son. Co worker doesn't want to be involved but I needed to tell him. He says he can't deal with this now he's on antidepressants in a bad place etc.
Fast forward to today I have found out his partner is pregnant again and due any time. And that a HR girl is also pregnant by him!
Now I know what I have done is completely wrong and I live by the fact I know what I've done. However do I owe it to his pregnant girlfriend to tell her the truth? Open a huge can of worms. Or do I leave it?
AIBU to tell his partner?

OP posts:
sweetbellyhigh · 30/12/2021 20:16

@babble123

Ok so this is a long one and like something out of a soap drama. I have been with my partner 10 years. In feb 2020 I slept with a coworker and ended up pregnant. I was in 2 minds as to keep it, I bled and had 3 emergency scans in the first trimester and once I saw the heartbeat I couldn't not keep him. Fast forward I have a healthy boy. My partner is completely unaware that he isn't the father. A few weeks back I told coworker he was the dad. Baring in mind he is with his partner and they have a 8 year old son. Co worker doesn't want to be involved but I needed to tell him. He says he can't deal with this now he's on antidepressants in a bad place etc. Fast forward to today I have found out his partner is pregnant again and due any time. And that a HR girl is also pregnant by him! Now I know what I have done is completely wrong and I live by the fact I know what I've done. However do I owe it to his pregnant girlfriend to tell her the truth? Open a huge can of worms. Or do I leave it? AIBU to tell his partner?
You focus on your own family.

If your partner is in agreement, you name the office lothario as father for CM purposes.

DysmalRadius · 30/12/2021 20:16

What's changed since you had your child with him? What would be the motivation behind telling his girlfriend? Would you tell your partner as well?

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2021 20:16

Perhaps you should concern yourself with your partner and tell him the truth. Doesn't he deserve to know he's not your son's father? Your deception and behaviour is absolutely appalling.

Georgeskitchen · 30/12/2021 20:17

You should probably keep quiet if you want your partner to carry on thinking he's the father of your child

sweetbellyhigh · 30/12/2021 20:19

Oh I misread it as your partner was
fully aware he was not the father.

Changes everything.

What a pair you and Lothario make.

You need to be honest with your partner for his sake and that of the child. He would have every right to sue you if you withhold this from him.

UnknownFemale01 · 30/12/2021 20:20

I mean, it just sounds like you have resentment towards your co-worker/affair man. What possible other reason could you have to tell his pregnant girlfriend other than to further fuck up his life?!

100problems · 30/12/2021 20:20
  1. WTF why the hell didn't you let sleeping dogs lie
  1. WTF would you tell this man something so secret yet your partner is kept in ignorance by you
  1. Really, WTF
  1. No, don't go round telling everyone to offload your own rejection and behaviour.
thefirstmrsrochester · 30/12/2021 20:20

Assuming this is actually real, then the only person you need to tell is your partner who you have allowed to believe that he is the biological father of your child.

WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake · 30/12/2021 20:23

Oh come onnnnnn .....Hmm
does the Eastenders DOOOOF DOOOFS and sets a reminder to tune in at the same time next week

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2021 20:26

Riiiight, so you want to tell everyone except your own partner?

Yeah that'll work...

Toocooltoboogie · 30/12/2021 20:30

Why? What would it achieve and what's the outcome your after?

katieg03 · 30/12/2021 20:35

You cheated, he cheated, he's apparently getting multiple woman preggers and spreading god knows what diseases. Hardly a long story is it? Tell your partner the truth and let him get out now. How do you know for sure he's even the dad. Did you do a DNA behind his back?

CrumpledCrumpet · 30/12/2021 20:39

You owe the girlfriend the truth, but not your own partner? WTF!

driftcompatible · 30/12/2021 20:39

@WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake

Oh come onnnnnn .....Hmm does the Eastenders DOOOOF DOOOFS and sets a reminder to tune in at the same time next week
GrinGrinGrin

Previously on...

EishetChayil · 30/12/2021 20:40

This guy is some kind of sperminator.

Original poster
babble123 · 30/12/2021 20:41

@katieg03

You cheated, he cheated, he's apparently getting multiple woman preggers and spreading god knows what diseases. Hardly a long story is it? Tell your partner the truth and let him get out now. How do you know for sure he's even the dad. Did you do a DNA behind his back?
Because my child is the spitting image of him.
OP posts:
DroopyClematis · 30/12/2021 20:42

You've really messed up here.
You'll have to tell your partner. It may well become evident medically or physically later on.

Are you absolutely sure that it's your lover's child? Your partner might well end up calculating dates if you're absolutely sure.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 30/12/2021 20:42

Well done.

bloomingheck1 · 30/12/2021 20:43

Are you going to tel your own partner as well?

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 30/12/2021 20:43

Why on earth tell him now? Jealous of the new mistress?
You should probably get a full GUM screening too, he's clearly not a fan of fidelity or condoms, some things can lay dormant for years

ShirleyPhallus · 30/12/2021 20:44

Yep

StoneofDestiny · 30/12/2021 20:44

Perhaps you should concern yourself with your partner and tell him the truth. Doesn't he deserve to know he's not your son's father? Your deception and behaviour is absolutely appalling

This.

RunningFromInsanity · 30/12/2021 20:45

Laugh at you trying to take the moral high ground whilst deceiving someone into raising another man’s child.

Sort yourself out before worrying about other people.

100problems · 30/12/2021 20:46

Because my child is the spitting image of him.

Who the fuck would have seen that plot twist coming!

WhoAre · 30/12/2021 20:46

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