Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long story

96 replies

babble123 · 30/12/2021 20:13

Ok so this is a long one and like something out of a soap drama.
I have been with my partner 10 years.
In feb 2020 I slept with a coworker and ended up pregnant. I was in 2 minds as to keep it, I bled and had 3 emergency scans in the first trimester and once I saw the heartbeat I couldn't not keep him. Fast forward I have a healthy boy. My partner is completely unaware that he isn't the father.
A few weeks back I told coworker he was the dad. Baring in mind he is with his partner and they have a 8 year old son. Co worker doesn't want to be involved but I needed to tell him. He says he can't deal with this now he's on antidepressants in a bad place etc.
Fast forward to today I have found out his partner is pregnant again and due any time. And that a HR girl is also pregnant by him!
Now I know what I have done is completely wrong and I live by the fact I know what I've done. However do I owe it to his pregnant girlfriend to tell her the truth? Open a huge can of worms. Or do I leave it?
AIBU to tell his partner?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 30/12/2021 20:47

@100problems

Because my child is the spitting image of him.

Who the fuck would have seen that plot twist coming!

Surprised it isn’t twins!
100problems · 30/12/2021 20:48

Was is massive @WhoAre?

I had Brie with bacon and onion chutney on sourdough.

mediumbrownmug · 30/12/2021 20:50

OP, I’m afraid your priority should be telling your own partner about the situation and getting a DNA test to be sure. I’m reasonably sure you already knew what you did was wrong long before you found out about the recent developments, as you apparently haven’t told your partner about it this entire time.

It’s really not on to remove your partner’s choice in whether he gets tested, wants to stay with you or whether he wants to be a parent to a baby that isn’t actually his. I’m fact, that’s really controlling. You want to control the outcome for yourself, and therefore you have been controlling his decisions by withholding important information that affects him dramatically.

It’s his life too, and he deserves to know.

Yummypumpkin · 30/12/2021 20:51

The person you need to tell is your partner.

Goodness OP do you not see he is owed truth from you much more than a stranger?

momofthr33 · 30/12/2021 20:52

@babble123 Just because your son looks like him doesn't mean he's the father Hmm a close friend did something similar, the boy is 9 now and it got out in the end, thank god her partner ended up being the dad.

Could you imagine the devastation on your child if this came out when he was older? Knowing you had lied to him his whole life, he will hate you.

BlueEyesWhiteDragon · 30/12/2021 20:52

Oh goodness OP.

This is a shit storm waiting to happen. Trust me I have first hand experience of this.

Firstly before you think of telling anyone else you need to tell your partner. He deserves to know the truth, as does your son. Its far easier for him to grow up knowing the truth of his parentage rather than finding out when he's older.

DroopyClematis · 30/12/2021 20:58

What on Earth will you do if your son ever decides to trace his family history, a common hobby nowadays?

Come clean OP. You've told a co-worker but surely you should tell your partner?

Cindie943811A · 30/12/2021 20:59

Nowadays with DNA testing for ancestry etc there is no way you can keep something like this hidden.
Adults who have found out their DF isn’t their biological father have been devastated.
Get a test done to be sure and if your partner isn’t the father tell him and take your chances as to whether he can live with the situation. Better now than a break up later when your DS is bonded to your partner

winterchills · 30/12/2021 21:00

You need to tell your partner!! Poor guy 🥺

Heisrotten2thecore · 30/12/2021 21:02

Tell your partner the truth, come clean about everything. Get a DNA test just to be 100% sure.
Leave your job. Find another. Say nothing to anyone, the girlfriend, the pregnant woman in HR, the co-worker you slept with. Remain completely silent. Just find another job and leave.
But be prepared in the possibility of having to raise your DS on your own.

Redarrow2017 · 30/12/2021 21:03

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/12/2021 21:05

What a tangled web. Still sleeping with your partner?

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 30/12/2021 21:05

AIBU to tell his partner

I think you meant to say "my partner"?

Tohaveandtohold · 30/12/2021 21:14

Just when I thought I’ve read it all on here, now this, like WTF
You owe it to only to your partner to tell him the truth.

Cas112 · 30/12/2021 22:06

I think you should focus on respecting your own partner and telling him the truth

ExtraOnion · 30/12/2021 22:09

How long until it’s in the Daily Mail …. Suspect things like this are planted by lazy journos

WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake · 30/12/2021 22:09

@WhoAre

I had a salad for lunch
I ate a trifle with a fork...
WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake · 30/12/2021 22:10

Are all of your names Darren, Karen and Sharon? The kids called Keanu and your fellas called Gary?

Tillymintpolo · 30/12/2021 22:11

You tell his then he can tell yours and you’ll all live happily ever after

BluebellsareBlue · 30/12/2021 22:12

You would just be telling her because you are hurt that you were just a shag to him to be honest

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 30/12/2021 22:52

Are all of your names Darren, Karen and Sharon? The kids called Keanu and your fellas called Gary?

Because of course people with these names behave questionably all the time eh…

Well done.

MadeOfStarStuff · 30/12/2021 22:55

Just tell your own partner.

Hunderland · 30/12/2021 23:24

Ok so this is a long one and like something out of a soap drama.

That's about the only thing you've said that IS true Hmm

Hydrate · 30/12/2021 23:28

@babble123
Better your dp learns about this from you than somebody else. Just as you contemplate telling your co workers dp, she may contemplate the same if she learns of it

Your dp may forgive you and still want to be a father to the child.

Hydrate · 30/12/2021 23:34

PS. You and baby should each do an ancestry DNA test to confirm this either way.

Swipe left for the next trending thread