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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long story

96 replies

babble123 · 30/12/2021 20:13

Ok so this is a long one and like something out of a soap drama.
I have been with my partner 10 years.
In feb 2020 I slept with a coworker and ended up pregnant. I was in 2 minds as to keep it, I bled and had 3 emergency scans in the first trimester and once I saw the heartbeat I couldn't not keep him. Fast forward I have a healthy boy. My partner is completely unaware that he isn't the father.
A few weeks back I told coworker he was the dad. Baring in mind he is with his partner and they have a 8 year old son. Co worker doesn't want to be involved but I needed to tell him. He says he can't deal with this now he's on antidepressants in a bad place etc.
Fast forward to today I have found out his partner is pregnant again and due any time. And that a HR girl is also pregnant by him!
Now I know what I have done is completely wrong and I live by the fact I know what I've done. However do I owe it to his pregnant girlfriend to tell her the truth? Open a huge can of worms. Or do I leave it?
AIBU to tell his partner?

OP posts:
Frazzled50yrold · 30/12/2021 23:39

He's hardly wonderful father material so I'm not sure what you have to gain from it. Think about your child first and also spare a thought for your partner . Goodness knows how many children he has as these are only the ones you know about.

Doyoumind · 30/12/2021 23:42

Surely if you tell his girlfriend then she will tell your DP and then your own deception will be exposed. If this is for real, you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

Bananarama21 · 30/12/2021 23:49

You sound like a piece of work try telling your poorer partner he's raising a child that isn't his instead of thriving off drama.

Offmyfence · 31/12/2021 03:18

Is this the latest Eastenders plot? I've not seen it for ages!

JazzHandsYeah · 31/12/2021 03:46

You have to find out for sure via DNA test.
Yes you would be massively unreasonable to drop this info on the shaggers’ current partner. Especially as your partner of 10 years thinks he’s the biological father.
What a tangled web you weave OP. Nasty.

Monty27 · 31/12/2021 03:59

OP you are simply unbelievable.
You're not real right?

Joystir59 · 31/12/2021 04:07

How about telling your own partner the truth and opening that can of worms before you go exploding other peoples lives?

ThinWomansBrain · 31/12/2021 04:17

@WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake

Are all of your names Darren, Karen and Sharon? The kids called Keanu and your fellas called Gary?
there must be a Chardonnay amongst the children's names somewhere!

sounds like OP is just pissed off that coworker is still having sex with own partner, and screwing around with other colleagues as well.

KloppsTeeth · 31/12/2021 04:25

Arf at the sperminator Grin

🎶 iiiiiit’s Coronation Street
Iiiiiiiiiit’s on three times a week
Whaaaaaaaaat’s going on,
With Ken Barlow? 🎵

XelaM · 31/12/2021 04:25

I have only known one baby to be the spitting image of a father to such an extent that paternity could never be in doubt and that's Boris Becker daughter.

You should do a DNA test.

Long story
SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 31/12/2021 04:26

@Aquamarine1029

Perhaps you should concern yourself with your partner and tell him the truth. Doesn't he deserve to know he's not your son's father? Your deception and behaviour is absolutely appalling.
Absolutely this

Why are you not concerned with your own partners feelings??

MsDogLady · 31/12/2021 04:53

You have no right to hijack the lives of your Partner and Son with this monumental lie. It is unjust and unfair.

Tell your P the truth and tell him soon.

FathernotDad · 31/12/2021 05:23

However do I owe it to his pregnant girlfriend to tell her the truth?

Hmm, think you need to concentrate on telling the truth to your loved one, first.

anon12345678901 · 31/12/2021 05:33

@Aquamarine1029

Perhaps you should concern yourself with your partner and tell him the truth. Doesn't he deserve to know he's not your son's father? Your deception and behaviour is absolutely appalling.
This. Sort yourself out and stop being jealous he's fucked another coworker and his girlfriend. You weren't special to him.
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 31/12/2021 06:12

Frankly you’re disgusting!!!

You want to tell the girlfriend but not your partner who is raising another mans baby Hmm

Beachgirl33 · 31/12/2021 06:50

@XelaM

I have only known one baby to be the spitting image of a father to such an extent that paternity could never be in doubt and that's Boris Becker daughter.

You should do a DNA test.

Hahaha. That’s immediately who I thought about too! Grin
autieok · 31/12/2021 08:25

With regard to the possible parent, He's said he doesn't want to be involved you need to decide if that is okay. Do you want a dna test or maintenance? If no then I'd leave him out of the equation.
His other partners are nothing to do with you unless they are in danger I'd leave them out of it.
Really the person who deserves to know is your husband it's on your conscience wether u tell him or not.
You need to figure out what's best for your child and do that. And deciding who the father is without doing a dna test is ridiculous. Until it's proven you don't know.

WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake · 31/12/2021 09:04

Oh lighten up ffs

WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake · 31/12/2021 09:05

@SheldonesqueTheBstard ^^

WednesdaysChildIsFullOfCake · 31/12/2021 09:06

@ThinWomansBrain oooh careful @SheldonesqueTheBstard might get upset 🙄

SoupDragon · 31/12/2021 09:10

However do I owe it to his pregnant girlfriend to tell her the truth?

FFs, tell your own partner before meddling in other people's relationships! What you're doing/have done is just as bad.

girlmom21 · 31/12/2021 09:13

Tell your partner then claim CM and let him deal with everything else.

HikingforScenery · 31/12/2021 09:16

So you’ve not told your own partner that he’s raising someone else’s child but you want his partner to know he’s cheated? You need to have a word with yourself because of your double standards.
It might be worth all your children finding out they’re related at some point but I think that should be done carefully.

How’s this person got three people pregnant in such a short space of time?!

HikingforScenery · 31/12/2021 09:18

Also not sure how much of a spitting image a 2 year old can be. We’ve dna tech. Please use it.

girlmom21 · 31/12/2021 09:21

@HikingforScenery

Also not sure how much of a spitting image a 2 year old can be. We’ve dna tech. Please use it.
My 2 year old is very similar looking to me, to be fair.