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Original poster

MN and their approach to autism

510 replies

HypocrisyHere · 30/12/2021 10:22

I have attached two screenshots. One showing the two threads I’m watching, the other the deletion message from the first watched thread which was deleted.

The subjects of the two threads are

(1) Any ‘positive’ autism stories?
(2) Married to someone with Asperger’s: support thread 5

My confusion is that the first was deleted because “the title was not in spirit of the site” Yet thread 2 - which has (IMO) a deeply offensive as it implies all people with Asperger’s are a problem in a relationship (leaving aside the ghastly ableism within the thread) is absolutely fine?

Thread 1 was from a concerned parent who may have used clunky wording but was looking for support - yet she has been deleted. Thread 2 is for concerned partners who can blame every poor behaviour of their partners on autism and that’s all fine?

As an autistic person this makes no sense to me at all and highlights not only ableism within MNHQ but also a deeply inconsistent approach to moderation?

(Have name changed as I’m a coward)

MN and their approach to autism
OP posts:
RonniePickering · 30/12/2021 10:25

I agree with you. My little boy has autism, I'm not offended by the first one at all, whereas the second made me gasp a little tbh.

HerRoyalHappiness · 30/12/2021 10:25

I agree with you. The casual ableism that is let slide is ridiculous. I see it time and time again, people blaming bad behaviour on someone having "aspergers" whether diagnosed or not. It implies that all people with autism are automatically badly behaved and have no respect for other people. As an autistic woman I find it infuriating.

Queenoftrivialpersuit · 30/12/2021 10:27

Why did you post this thread. It’s about another thread therefore it will be deleted.
Also people are allowed to say what they like about their own OH

RussianSpy101 · 30/12/2021 10:28

I’m with you @HypocrisyHere and @RonniePickering.
One of my sons has autism. The first thread, whilst clumsily titled, does not offend me.
The second is awful.

RussianSpy101 · 30/12/2021 10:29

@Queenoftrivialpersuit so that those of us who have children with autism can express our feelings on the ableism of MN.
If you don’t wish to join you can just keep scrolling.

FawnFrenchieMum · 30/12/2021 10:30

I’ve read on another post that the first was made by a previously banned profile. Not sure if it’s correct or not.

Queenoftrivialpersuit · 30/12/2021 10:30

@RussianSpy101
Eh? I didn’t say don’t post about ableism!
I said don’t post a thread about a thread because it will be deleted as it’s against the rules!!

SnarkyBag · 30/12/2021 10:31

MN have alway been shockingly poor at moderating threads related to SN or disabilities in general.

RussianSpy101 · 30/12/2021 10:31

@Queenoftrivialpersuit you said people can say what they like about their OH.
Those threads are insulting but allowed to stay. Some of us have a problem with that. Hence this thread.

BIWI · 30/12/2021 10:32

It's important to remember that MN isn't a pre-moderated site. Posts/threads only get scrutinised by MNHQ if they're reported to them.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 30/12/2021 10:33

MN also shared the first thread on their Instagram and then deleted it

MN and their approach to autism
Queenoftrivialpersuit · 30/12/2021 10:34

@RussianSpy101
The rules are people can say what they like about their OH and their direct personally lived experiences.

That’s why that thread is allowed
The rules are no threads about threads.

Original poster
HypocrisyHere · 30/12/2021 10:34

@Queenoftrivialpersuit

Why did you post this thread. It’s about another thread therefore it will be deleted. Also people are allowed to say what they like about their own OH
I agree MN will delete but not because it’s a thread about a thread - it’s a thread about the title of two threads, one of which was deleted for its title not being “in the spirit” whilst the other - far more offensive IMO - is allowed.

As for being able to say what you like about your partners - yes of course you can - but you shouldn’t be allowed to self-diagnose a very complex neurological difference and then blame the problem on this difference. As has been said before, insert another characteristic instead of autistic eg Asian / Jewish / Blind / male and you realise how deeply ableist these threads are.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 30/12/2021 10:35

I shared lots of positives around my adult DD's (and mine) Autism. I did put the disclaimer in about more severe cases, but as long as that was acknowledged, I thought that it was a good thread.
Disability and agesim isn't addressed.

Queenoftrivialpersuit · 30/12/2021 10:36

I suggest you start a campaign and go directly to mumsNet HQ
because all I’ve done is pointed out the rules! If you want the rules changed campaign for it.

Don’t start a thread and then blame it being deleted on ableism when it will be deleted because it’s a thread about a thread!

Original poster
HypocrisyHere · 30/12/2021 10:37

@BIWI

It's important to remember that MN isn't a pre-moderated site. Posts/threads only get scrutinised by MNHQ if they're reported to them.
Yes - but I can guarantee that the second thread has been reported many time yet it stands (and is on thread 5 and Michael from MN has even posted on the thread in support of it!)

So the second title has a big thumbs up from MNHQ.

OP posts:
RussianSpy101 · 30/12/2021 10:37

@Queenoftrivialpersuit
I wonder what would happen to threads that were titled
Married to a Muslim : Support thread
Married to a Jew : support thread

By your logic, those threads are absolutely fine because people can say what they like about their spouse, yes?
Can you imagine the outrage?

RussianSpy101 · 30/12/2021 10:38

This will be deleted youre right, but hopefully MNHQ will take note!

RonniePickering · 30/12/2021 10:38

@Queenoftrivialpersuit

I suggest you start a campaign and go directly to mumsNet HQ because all I’ve done is pointed out the rules! If you want the rules changed campaign for it.

Don’t start a thread and then blame it being deleted on ableism when it will be deleted because it’s a thread about a thread!

Calm down Miss Monitor 🙄
Mickarooni · 30/12/2021 10:40

MN are a bit hit and miss with modding threads about disabilities and additional needs. I find them inconsistent.

I am assuming it’s the content of the second thread and the self diagnosis as opposed to the title? I’ve not seen that thread. I wouldn’t have a problem if there was a kind and supportive thread for partners of those with any kind of additional need.

Queenoftrivialpersuit · 30/12/2021 10:40

I didn’t even say the second thread was fine I just pointed out the rules!
Miss monitor - nice, classy

Original poster
HypocrisyHere · 30/12/2021 10:42

@Queenoftrivialpersuit

I suggest you start a campaign and go directly to mumsNet HQ because all I’ve done is pointed out the rules! If you want the rules changed campaign for it.

Don’t start a thread and then blame it being deleted on ableism when it will be deleted because it’s a thread about a thread!

No - it’s a thread about inconsistent approaches to deletion on threads about autism - using two threads as a clear example of the inconsistency.

If it is deleted, it will be because It’s uncomfortable for MNHQ but no doubt “not in the spirit of the site” too.

Maybe I’ll be banned too?

OP posts:
RelationshipOrNot · 30/12/2021 10:43

I don't find that series of threads on Relationships ableist at all. They help me understand how my behaviour comes across to neurotypical people and I've taken away some really good lessons about how to make people feel appreciated and how things that seem innocuous to me can come across as hurtful and rude to others. Some real eye-opening moments. I also think it's fair for people to be allowed to talk openly with others in the same situation.

Mabelface · 30/12/2021 10:44

I do get fucked off when shitty behaviour gets lumped in with asd and blamed, often with no diagnosis. I have asd and I'm not a twat.

Queenoftrivialpersuit · 30/12/2021 10:46

@HypocrisyHere
You’ve literally pasted photos of other threads including a deleted one. So yes it will be deleted because of being about another thread.

Why didn’t you start a thread just about mnhq and how you feel they deal with ableism ?

Or do you want it to be deleted so it proves your point and you can say, oh they’re so ableist