Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else bored of having to do endless prompting and reminding?

78 replies

NorthSouthcatlady · 29/12/2021 20:59

I feel that l have to constantly prompt and remind my fiancé about most things. The latest one was him going to work this morning and leaving the back door unlocked and not bolted. I ask politely this evening if he could not do that. I was asleep in bed still feeling drained after having COVID twice this year and thought it was unsafe. His answer was he doesn’t see why he should have to do that and it doesn’t impact on him?! Which l thought was totally obnoxious and thoughtless

We argue ALL the time about him having to be reminded about stuff and he knows lm sick of it. For example we are meant to be having a fertility clinic appointment a week today, he has had to be prompted numerous times to not book work appointments at that time. His compliance with the recommended supplements has been poor and he hasn’t bothered to research our different options. I’m not saying lm perfect but l have done the necessary research etc. But he claims he wants to do more IVF; increasingly l can’t be bothered and that’s partly because of his attitude

Lately l have been taking a step back and letting him feel the consequences of things more. Yesterday the MIL had invited herself round. I’m unenthused as it was the last day before we go back to work and lm not 100% well. He claimed he’d host. But didn’t bother to discuss timings or expectations so his parents roll up at 2pm, no food has been bought or prepared. I’m in my gym gear and had gone out to buy juice. They then stay for 7 hours, he’s pulling random stuff out of the fridge and chucking it in the oven or microwave. Then is launching random food on top of the kitchen table which he hasn’t bothered to clear (random bill, cat grass etc anyone?!). No cutlery etc etc as he can’t be bothered setting it

OP posts:
redastherose · 29/12/2021 21:19

Don't have kids with him. Get rid now before he ends up being a useless Husband and Dad. If you think he's bad now, throw a baby in the mix and you will regret it forever.

Veryverysadandold · 29/12/2021 21:43

Totally agree with @redastherose! Mine does this to some extent and it also boils my piss. I really think its misogyny, whether he realises it or not. He sees you as a lesser being who doesn't need to be listened to, not a respected equal. Also while I'm at it, why are men incapable of thinking ahead five minutes and planning anything? I'm starting to get the ick with the lot of them, it's pathetic.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 29/12/2021 21:47

Stop raising him - he's not your son!

Veryverysadandold · 29/12/2021 21:47

It also pisses me right off that the most sensible way of dealing with this (apart from LTB) is letting them see the consequences of their actions (like a child, ick), but that also affects both of you in a partnership. I bet that was stressful watching him cook fish finger pie or whatever it was, served on cat grass (actually do want to know what cat grass is).

GeodesicDome · 29/12/2021 21:47

Please don't marry this idiot. Please don't have kids with him.

TooWicked · 29/12/2021 21:49

Thank your lucky stars you haven’t got children with this waster and get the hell outta there!

Wellhungdonkey · 29/12/2021 21:50

Honestly you can do better.

Ohyesiam · 29/12/2021 21:50

Really glad he’s your fiancé not your husband… seriously, he’s not engaged with the relationship , or life in general by the sounds of it. Really too much hard work, and very lite reward

Dixiechickonhols · 29/12/2021 21:50

Don’t marry him. Don’t have kids with him. Seriously.

ssd · 29/12/2021 21:51

Why the hell would you want kids with him? Do you want a shit miserable existence? Cos that's where you're heading. Jesus, get some self esteem and walk away.

Serenschintte · 29/12/2021 21:52

Ppl don’t change. If you are happy to add a child into this - and be in full charge of him and child then that’s fine. But if not you need to do some thinking

Wombat43 · 29/12/2021 21:53

Definitely don't get married or have kids, people don't change, only get more so as they get older...

He might grow up but not with you. If he cba in the honeymoon phase, you have no hope.

FinallyHere · 29/12/2021 21:53

Sometimes the universe has a message for you. Here it is

  1. Do not marry this man
  1. Do not have children with this man.

HTH

LightSpeeds · 29/12/2021 21:54

You are going to feel 50 times worse about him when you have kids. He sounds useless... He will be a millstone around your neck, eventually, and you may wonder why you ever thought marrying him was a good idea. It doesn't sound like parenthood with him will end well. Seriously consider not continuing...

HelloBunny · 29/12/2021 21:57

Same here. Loses the plot when I remind about the particular issue, “I don’t need instructions!” “You’re always moaning” “Stop telling me what to do. I’d happily never say anything ever again - I’d he just just did / stopped doing the freaking things in question...
Not latching the doors properly (fire doors, baby will catch his fingers, or worse)
Stuffing wet towels in the laundry basket.
Filling baby’s water bottle all the way to top. Baby soaks himself every time.
Spilling those stupid coffee bags all over the kitchen / cupboard. Then leaving the coffee grounds OJ the sink / all over counter. Aaaaargh!

AlexanderArnold · 29/12/2021 21:58

When I saw your thread title I clicked on it because yes, I am fed up of constantly having to nag and remind. But it's my children. Not my husband. I really can't imagine this with my life partner. I'd be rethinking things and having a serious conversation about it.

billy1966 · 29/12/2021 21:58

Are you out of your mind marrying this moron and having fertility treatment.

You will bitterly regret your low standards.

He is a lazy, useless, selfish waster.

If you want a future full of sadness, misery, disappointment and regret, carry on with this waster.

Find some self respect and standards before it's too late.

NoSquirrels · 29/12/2021 22:02

Stop and think.

IVF is a huge cost, in monetary terms and in emotional terms.

Is he worth it? Is he really, honestly and truly the person you want to bring children into the world with, someone you want a child to have as a father, someone you want to co-parent with for a minimum of 18 years and likely much longer? A complication you’ll always have in your life no matter what?

Stop and think.

It’s not too late.

If you have to have fertility treatment to conceive you’d be better deciding it alone with an anonymous sperm donor.

Dontbeme · 29/12/2021 22:10

Dusts off my crystal ball:

You marry him and have kids. You parent him and the kids, as you are "so much better" at keeping them clean and fed than he is, he "doesn't understand" that human children need food at regular intervals.

His big man job means he can't do any housework, you are "so much better" at than than he is, he "doesn't understand" that children need a clean home to grow up in to avoid the lurgy.

He "doesn't understand" that anniversaries, Christmas, birthdays, occasions don't just spontaneously happen, but you are "so much better" at that anyway.

His life is stressful so he spends every weekend at some hobby or other, golf, cycling, Morris dancing whatever it is he needs the full weekend to do it and endless family funds. You sacrifice all your free time to facilitate his life as "you are so much better at it anyway"

When you are finally broken from working full time, parenting full time, cooking and cleaning full time, facitating his hobbies full time he will cheat with some young piece from work as she is full of life and doesn't nag him to parent his children or be engaged in a life he said he wanted.

Cut to the chase and just split now OP.

PinkPrettyPearls · 29/12/2021 22:19

As everyone else said, don’t have children, don’t get married.

He won’t get better, just worse, and he already doesn’t care

Swingsandroundabouts123 · 29/12/2021 22:20

Every day there is another thread on here started by a woman who is trying to raise a family with a man like this and exhausted from carrying the mental load. I’m exhausted from reading them! I think we all are… which is probably why the resounding advice is not to tie yourself to a man who doesn’t treat you as an equal and run while you still can.

sheroku · 29/12/2021 22:27

If he can't even be arsed to turn up to the fertility clinic appointment then I think that's a sign. You won't change this man I'm afraid.

pastypirate · 29/12/2021 22:28

Every time he does this he's showing you what contempt he has for you.

NorthSouthcatlady · 29/12/2021 22:32

@HelloBunny the coffee grounds feature here as well. Usually on the floor Angry

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 29/12/2021 22:32

@Veryverysadandold

It also pisses me right off that the most sensible way of dealing with this (apart from LTB) is letting them see the consequences of their actions (like a child, ick), but that also affects both of you in a partnership. I bet that was stressful watching him cook fish finger pie or whatever it was, served on cat grass (actually do want to know what cat grass is).
Cat grass is grass you grow specifically for cats to eat mostly indoor cats my one cat goes insane over it his brothers not too much comes in a little tub and my cat promptly rips the lot out and drags it around throwing soil everywhere
Swipe left for the next trending thread