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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else bored of having to do endless prompting and reminding?

78 replies

NorthSouthcatlady · 29/12/2021 20:59

I feel that l have to constantly prompt and remind my fiancé about most things. The latest one was him going to work this morning and leaving the back door unlocked and not bolted. I ask politely this evening if he could not do that. I was asleep in bed still feeling drained after having COVID twice this year and thought it was unsafe. His answer was he doesn’t see why he should have to do that and it doesn’t impact on him?! Which l thought was totally obnoxious and thoughtless

We argue ALL the time about him having to be reminded about stuff and he knows lm sick of it. For example we are meant to be having a fertility clinic appointment a week today, he has had to be prompted numerous times to not book work appointments at that time. His compliance with the recommended supplements has been poor and he hasn’t bothered to research our different options. I’m not saying lm perfect but l have done the necessary research etc. But he claims he wants to do more IVF; increasingly l can’t be bothered and that’s partly because of his attitude

Lately l have been taking a step back and letting him feel the consequences of things more. Yesterday the MIL had invited herself round. I’m unenthused as it was the last day before we go back to work and lm not 100% well. He claimed he’d host. But didn’t bother to discuss timings or expectations so his parents roll up at 2pm, no food has been bought or prepared. I’m in my gym gear and had gone out to buy juice. They then stay for 7 hours, he’s pulling random stuff out of the fridge and chucking it in the oven or microwave. Then is launching random food on top of the kitchen table which he hasn’t bothered to clear (random bill, cat grass etc anyone?!). No cutlery etc etc as he can’t be bothered setting it

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/12/2021 22:37

You could probably find a better sperm donor down the Dog and Bull on a Saturday night.

Get rid and be happy.

Pixiedust1234 · 29/12/2021 22:40

Don't have a child with him unless you plan to be a single parent. I am constantly having to remind H over everything, multiple times. His two stock answers are either "stop nagging" or "why didn't you remind me" Confused

This year he didn't get me anything for my birthday....claimed he was too busy and had no time even though I do every.single.thing. in this house. I had even done all the research and he only had to click the button on the amazon Web page. I left the page up for two days. Just run!!

LeifSan · 29/12/2021 22:53

Honestly, do you really love this man and think that there couldn’t possibly be another man out there who you would rather stand up and promise the rest of your life to?

Do you truly believe once he becomes a father he will be anything other than the same? Do you really think he’ll be a helpful, engaged, unselfish and mature father to his child? Because the evidence so far suggests very much otherwise.

Really, is this the best you think you can hope for or deserve in your life? Is this what you would have dreamt for yourself when younger?

If you know you can’t answer a resounding and truthful yes to those questions then I think you have some real soul searching to do.

talkalarm · 29/12/2021 23:00

It would be manageable if he was just an incompetent idiot but he's not, he just doesn't care.

He doesn't care!!! Can't you see that? He doesn't see why he should lock the door because it doesn't impact him? What the actual fuck?!! Why are you putting up with this? It's going to get so much harder after children by the way.

Kite22 · 29/12/2021 23:02

I am usually the poster who thinks it is ridiculous how quickly some people shout that you should leave him, but I definitely think you should put on ice any thoughts of having a child with him at the moment.

You need to tell him how you feel, and how his actions (or lack of them) make you feel. It isn't going to be 'fixed' by getting married or having dc, it will become far more difficult. Do the positives in your relationship balance that out ? At this point, you should be completely in love, not at the end of your tether with him. If you can't tolerate 'the way he is' then why would you move to marriage, or to the lifelong commitment that is co-parenting with him ? Confused

If it isn't making you happy to be in this relationship, it is much easier to walk away when you don't have dc and aren't married.

Houseplantmad · 29/12/2021 23:07

He's just not bothered about anything whether life changing (IVF) or otherwise so why why you think this is going to improve once you have a family?

Aquamarine1029 · 29/12/2021 23:09

You would have to be an absolute fool to marry this idiot. He will never, ever change, and I promise you it will all get worse. You'll be mummy.

thepeopleversuswork · 29/12/2021 23:13

Stop with the fertility treatment and don’t have kids with him.

He’s a man child who can’t be bothered and he’s clearly unenthusiastic about the pregnancy plan anyway.

This would be 100 times worse if you actually did get pregnant.

Seriously life is too short.

MostlyGuesswork · 29/12/2021 23:17

What everyone else said!

Hankunamatata · 29/12/2021 23:20

Your parenting a man child. He isn't overly fussed by IVF as hasn't bothered to even take supplements never mind do the reading. Id cut my losses.

TopCatsTopHat · 29/12/2021 23:23

@Swingsandroundabouts123

Every day there is another thread on here started by a woman who is trying to raise a family with a man like this and exhausted from carrying the mental load. I’m exhausted from reading them! I think we all are… which is probably why the resounding advice is not to tie yourself to a man who doesn’t treat you as an equal and run while you still can.
So this. I clicked on this as today my son has yet again done a crap job of washing his hair and I must remind him to do it properly and not just sing and play under the water. I thought I'd find some solidarity. 😳 It would be a cold day in hell before I contemplated kids with such an incompetent adult. If you think you're pissed off with him now just wait until you're responsibilities and workload increase, your sleep and time goes down and he thinks you're being unreasonable cos you want him to pull his weight. Run and don't look back
MolkosTeenageAngst · 29/12/2021 23:24

Having a baby with this man sounds like a terrible idea, he’s clearly not going to take on any of the mental load for remembering things like appointments or school events in the child’s life and it doesn’t sound like he’ll be great at doing any of the day to day stuff to keep the household and family running either.

TheRemotePart · 29/12/2021 23:25

Oh Christ I constantly have to remind DH of stuff. Obviously it drives me up the wall.

He works in a call centre- it’s not taxing , so no “bringing home the bacon “ finances/excuses

Today we discussed, twice, how I’d ordered Vaseline for the baby in the Morrison’s shop.
He went into town and texted me “ so, get Vaseline ?”
Me : “no. I’ve ordered it , remember?”

MIL and myself Christmas Day , discussing baby food we have purchased. To DH. DH Boxing Day : “ there’s no XX baby food”.
Me : “there is. It’s in front of you. We’ve all discussed it several times”

He’s out visiting his best friend tonight. We have a house viewing at 11:30am. I doubt he’ll remember

He constantly asks me to sort Dr /Dentist apt for him - often I refuse so he just remains ill/Unmedicated/in need of a filling

He did no research re: having a baby and still doesn’t Google “ Baby sleep regression “ or similar. It’s all a mystery. When Baby does something like sit/bounce /crawl he’s like “ omg that’s amazing how Baby just knows that!” Not that I’ve spent any time helping and encouraging the baby -eyeroll

Good f**king luck, OP. I hope you like wine…

Waterfallgirl · 29/12/2021 23:25

You deserve better, leave now when you can have a clean break.

—Please do the world a favour and don‘t introduce any more of his genes into the gene pool—

SpindleSpangle · 29/12/2021 23:29

You know other men are available, right?

Alayalaya · 29/12/2021 23:35

Is it possible that he has inattentive ADHD?

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 29/12/2021 23:47

Seriously OP you can do better than this manchild.

Also to the lovely young female at Turin airport whose BF whined that he couldn't possibly stand in a queue to check-in as it was 'too boring' you also deserve better. I turned to my teenage DD and said if you end up with one of these chuck him back in the pond she replied she would! Honestly what is it with these young men.

WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 23:50

Ditch him. He sounds like a drain on your life.

immersivereader · 29/12/2021 23:51

If he can't manage the backdoor how will he manage a child??

CheshireCats · 29/12/2021 23:57

Don't marry him and definitely don't have children with him. This won't end well.

KosherDill · 30/12/2021 00:00

Why on earth choose him to father your children?

BunsOfAnarchy · 30/12/2021 00:21

Oh my god OP trust me you throw a baby into this and IT ONLY GETS WORSE

Thwackit · 30/12/2021 00:28

If you have a baby, this is only going to get worse. He won’t know where any thing is, what the routine is, when appointments are, when important dates are. There’s no way I’d settle down with someone who is so irresponsible and immature. How can he be so useless that he can’t even cater for his own parents turning up without help?! I’d be raging, OP!

Ibane · 30/12/2021 00:33

What is it about his behaviour that attracts you sufficiently to prompt you to go through the challenges of IVF to have a baby with him?

NoToLandfill · 30/12/2021 00:33

LTB

Only option unless you want a life of drugery and misery.

Run off to be freeeeee

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