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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should be able to afford 2 kids?

160 replies

bookofthewitch · 29/12/2021 05:42

H and I both work as teachers. Me currently part time after DD born 18mo ago.

We have always done everything 'sensibly', have reasonably cheap for the area mortgage and various other unavoidable payments for bills etc. Old phones on cheap contracts.

No childminder option near us and I would have chosen nursery anyway, however this is very expensive so me working only leaves us 200 a month better off. It is what it is.

How the hell are we struggling so much each month to stay out of overdrafts when we've both always done everything ' right'?

AIBU to think that as professionals who have both always worked since teens, never even had credit cards or extravagant purchases, we should be able to afford one more child instead of panicking that it'll tip us into debt or just mean we have to worry about money and bills forever? We haven't had a holiday since 2017, have one cheap car that we own outright, I never buy new clothes and wear cheap make up, we are vegetarian so try to shop as cheaply as poss... it's infuriating!

I feel like my mother's and even my late 40s sister's generations never had to worry about this and could happily have as many kids as they want. Both were SAHM for a few years too! I could never as even that 200 a month makes a difference to us.

Any advice also welcome!

OP posts:
Rollercoasteremotion · 29/12/2021 05:49

Sorry no advice, but childcare has always been a fortune. In 2007 two kids in full time nursery cost me £1300 a month in the North West. Thankfully it's only for a couple of years until school starts and despite holiday cover etc it's not as expensive and career wise you can maybe go back to full time, once they are in school?
It's doable but expensive. We had no family help locally and so just took the hit money wise as there was nothing else we could do.
I think if you want a second child maybe save up a bit first to help offset the costs that come with a second.
It is hard.

Totalwasteofpaper · 29/12/2021 05:50

Yanbu we are the same but I don't know the answer or how others do it/afford it.

We have already done the sums and are on the fence about a second. Our childcare will be 2.1k per month amd its frankly crippling. A second child would take our monthly expenditure to over £8.2k Shock

When the prime minister has to take his begging bowl out to fund childcare for his own children you'd think he'd recognise there is a wider issue that needs to be addressed...

ChrimboGateauxCatto · 29/12/2021 05:52

Part of me thinks YABU to expect the same as what happened for previous generations.

What will happen to your finances with the energy bill price rises this coming year?

Plmoknijbuhv · 29/12/2021 05:55

Children in the pre school years are very expensive due to the nursery costs. Once they get to school this cost reduces massively as breakfast clubs/after school club is much cheaper. I know a lot of people who have a 4 year age gap so they only ever had one in nursery at a time. Even once they get to 3 they get some nursery funding that helps. I sympathise when we had pre schoolers it was a really tough time financially due to nursery costs and pt working. Once both in school I increased my hours and childcare costs went down massively. We then paid off the debt we had incurred from this time over the get 2 years. Hang in there

StarCat2020 · 29/12/2021 06:01

Part of me thinks YABU to expect the same as what happened for previous generations
Why?

Agadorsparticus · 29/12/2021 06:02

It's why we have a 4 year gap between mine. DC2 was born 2 days after DC1 started reception.

PurplePinecone · 29/12/2021 06:05

Once your lo gets to 3 you get 30 hours funding for nursery so childcare costs significantly reduce. Maybe at this point go to full time? Then plan a second for around this point or when lo is due to start reception? That's how I planned it. Only way we could afford two. Yes it's years or being broke, but once both kids are at school then things become a lot more affordable.

autieok · 29/12/2021 06:08

You will be entitled to thirty hours funding once dc turns 3 then after that they will be in school so childcare cost does go down. You may be in a better position then if you want more children. Particularly if you don't work holidays. You may also be entitled to universal credit depending on annual income? I became a childminder to care for dc and work. I went back into employment when dc was 12.

Overthebow · 29/12/2021 06:11

It’s expensive for a few years but at 3 you get the free childcare hours. Maybe plan a second child for that time? Would you be better off working full time?

Also are you claiming the tax free childcare? That has made quite a big difference to my childcare affordability.

Original poster
bookofthewitch · 29/12/2021 06:22

@ChrimboGateauxCatto

Part of me thinks YABU to expect the same as what happened for previous generations.

What will happen to your finances with the energy bill price rises this coming year?

This is something I'm really worried about and a big factor in waiting. I don't want a second child if I can't afford it/can't give them a decent life but just always thought it would be an option if I worked hard etc.
OP posts:
Original poster
bookofthewitch · 29/12/2021 06:26

@Overthebow

It’s expensive for a few years but at 3 you get the free childcare hours. Maybe plan a second child for that time? Would you be better off working full time?

Also are you claiming the tax free childcare? That has made quite a big difference to my childcare affordability.

We are claiming the tax free childcare now which has helped a lot. I would definitely not want a second until she's 3 and gets her free hours, but we work such long days that that would only cover 3 days so it wouldn't really be worth me going back full time although would massively ease the pressure.

Like above posters, we also have no practical family support, financially or with childcare, so I'm very aware that we need to be able to make it work long term.

That sounds hopeful though that it improves once they're at school. Maybe we just need a 5-year plan or similar, would be helpful if we knew what would happen with energy prices etc as I am very anxious about this.

OP posts:
MaverickSnoopy · 29/12/2021 06:42

I think really the trick is to have them very close together and not work or to wait until the first is at school and spread the cost that way.

We have 3 children - 3, 5, 10. Nursery for the first while we both worked full time. Then I went part time with our second and found a part time job (term time 3 days a week) and paid a Childminder. Then when we had our third I became a Childminder myself (part time). I dont make a huge amount but it's more than I would make working full time employed after childcare (even with 2 children). We found that it wasn't just money, but time that we lost the more children we had. I don't mean in the obvious way - things like illness and time off work when you don't have a support network. Fine if you are lucky and no one gets ill but we have someone ill a couple of times a month. Really very hard and I know others with no support network who say the same.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 29/12/2021 06:42

I sympathise. My youngest is 10 now, but the 2 years we had 2 in nursery for 3 days a week, cost us about my salary per month. Also no holidays. Very fortunately, my car comes with my job. We were able to switch to an interest only mortgage for a short time, and have overpaid repayments since youngest dc started school to compensate.

Look at childcare costs as an Investment in your financial/professional future, rather than a daily overhead to be paid out of income. If you stay in work, over the long term, your salary should only go up, and your childcare costs should only go down. Could you get a loan to help with childcare for now? I realise this this very trite

Eileen101 · 29/12/2021 06:52

Yanbu, it's hard in the early years..
We also have 2 professional salaries, mine is 4 days, DH 5 days. We have 2 in nursery for 3 days per week - one with a funded place (that we top up about £250 per month, one without a funded place. Even paying through the tax free childcare scheme, we pay £850 per month.

Childcare is so expensive. It was only when we had a child in nursery that I truly understood why people say that they can't afford to work.

Eileen101 · 29/12/2021 06:54

But as a pp has said - definitely try and look at it as investment. I see my working as being a positive influence on my children, as well as contributing to my pension, keeping my professional certification, CPD, experience etc.

PlugUgly1980 · 29/12/2021 06:55

Our are 6 and 7 now, the years when they were both in nursery full time (from 1 until they started school) crippled us...our nursery bill was double our mortgage repayments at one point until the funding kicked in. I remember my BIL helpfully saying when we announced we were expecting our second that we should increase our childcare voucher contributions at work to cover the extra nursery costs...completely clueless as we were already max'd out at that point! We had £20 each a month left from our salaries after all bills paid each month, if we were lucky. But it gets so much better when they start school. My childcare bill is only £46 a week for 2 in after school club 3 nights a week. Coupled with DH and I both having worked our way up and being promoted during the last few years, we're in a much better financial position. We're still careful with money and by no means extravagant, but we don't worry and make significant over payments on our mortgage for instance. Continuing to work full time also meant we have been able to keep making contributions to our pensions which is an investment for the longer term.

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 29/12/2021 06:58

Would it be better for you to go full time once you youngest gets some funded hours? It's tricky to do the maths!

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 29/12/2021 07:03

Ah saw you'd looked at that. Just remember that half the childcare cost should come from your partners salary too (or some people split proportionate to income) so that might help how you view your job.

Ponoka7 · 29/12/2021 07:03

Previous generations lived without a minimum wage and regulated childcare, which is why so many women were SAHMs. How far do you think 50p an hour went? (80's). I can remember my friend who worked in care earning 67p an hour. You are spending your money on something, housing, heating etc. I grew up in the 60/70's and when posters on here talk about ice on the inside of their bedroom window, they aren't exaggerating. People gathered in one room because you could only heat one room.
You don't want another child until you can give them a 'good life' what defines a good life? Did previous generations have that? It's a matter of waiting and using the free hours.

Hothammock · 29/12/2021 07:09

Pre school is just the most expensive phase and it is really tough. As others have said, if you don't have any free support from friends or family you might be best to space out your second child for when your first is in full time school. Remember also that the first year of school can be a bit stop start - some schools take ages to phase them in the first term, some run breakfast clubs and after school clubs but others don't. You might find it helpful to get a local childminder lined up for your first who will also be able to take your second at a younger age. This could make it simpler for you to coordinate pick ups and drop offs when you return to work and make it possible to return full time.
We had to accept using more childcare for our second than we did for our first. Taking the full maternity leave helps too although there is little pay for much of it of course!

onedayoranother · 29/12/2021 07:09

After my second I calculated I would be paying to work. Luckily my husband was a high earner (managing partner in a City law firm), so we could afford for me to give up work. But even on his high salary after five years we could not have afforded to buy our house again - we bought from two teachers and I eventually sold to a banker. I have no idea who could afford that house now. We also only went abroad every other year and had second hand cars. You make sacrifices in your choices in order to afford what you prioritise. I don't know how my kids will manage it - neither have picked particularly well paying occupations.

Joystir59 · 29/12/2021 07:10

Why would you consider another if it will mean financial hardship for your current family? Just stick to one, be able to provide well for her. You ought to be thinking about enriching her life with family holidays. What if she wants to pursue a skill or talent that requires funds?

yoyo1234 · 29/12/2021 07:13

You say you work part time and that brings in £200/mth, what if you increase to full time?

Fairyliz · 29/12/2021 07:16

My grandma had her children in the 1930’s and sometimes didn’t eat so that her children could.
My mum had her children in the 60’s and worked evenings and we didn’t have central heating.
I had my children in the 90’s and DH worked Monday to Friday and I worked Saturday and Sunday and some evenings so no childcare costs.
Where have you got the idea that previous generations had it easier?

Lastdaysofdecember · 29/12/2021 07:17

I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re in your thirties I think your mums generation was probably the last one who lived in the way you described, and I’m not sure that was always a good thing.

Nurseries weren’t as well regulated, childminders tended to be casual arrangements, and house prices weren’t as expensive.

Working on the assumption you’re both UPS3 do you earn around 65 between you?

You do get 30 free hours when your eldest is three so timing it so you have this gap between children is probably best? People do like to reminisce but I think the reality is for most people money is tight with pre school children.