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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding money

84 replies

danyL31 · 28/12/2021 21:58

My best friend is getting married in March
They are not asking for a wedding gift but instead are asking for a contribution towards their honeymoon!
I was discussing with my DH and suggested we give £100 towards their honeymoon. He thinks It's too little and we should give more perhaps around £200-£250!
I think that's too much in my opinion.
Am I wrong? How much do people give these days? For our wedding we got £30/£50 per person who attended and we were very grateful.

OP posts:
onedayoranother · 28/12/2021 21:58

£100 sounds great.

19lottie82 · 28/12/2021 21:59

£100 is more than generous.

AllTheCakes · 28/12/2021 22:00

£100 is about right IMO.

MaybeAMoaner · 28/12/2021 22:00

I pay based on the wedding.
If it’s a cheap wedding I pay about £50-£80
If it’s an expensive one I pay £100-£200.

If they have spent a lot per head for food and entertainment they deserve a large gift amount.

TooWicked · 28/12/2021 22:01

£100 is generous.

MegsHollyJolly · 28/12/2021 22:01

£100 for a best friend or family as a datlytime guest is normal for us, we would never give more than that.

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2021 22:02

I think it would depend on how much I earned. If I were on a low wage, I'd say £100 is more than generous. If I were rolling in filthy lucre, I'd be looking more at the £200-250 range.

I don't think it would be reasonable for anyone to expect £200-250 as a wedding gift from guests.

MaternityMama · 28/12/2021 22:02

You usually give back in & around the price of the meal - so £100 per couple (50 each). Thats what husband & I would always give unless its very close relative like brother/sister//bestman/bridesmaid/best friend.. then maybe abit more but otherwise £100 is perfect

SundayTeatime · 28/12/2021 22:03

@MaybeAMoaner

I pay based on the wedding. If it’s a cheap wedding I pay about £50-£80 If it’s an expensive one I pay £100-£200.

If they have spent a lot per head for food and entertainment they deserve a large gift amount.

That’s an atrocious way of looking at it. I can hardly believe anyone would do or say such a thing.
IsDaveThere · 28/12/2021 22:04

If they have spent a lot per head for food and entertainment they deserve a large gift amount

Errrr no, they don't. So if someone wants to have an extravagant wedding then guests need to up their gift to pay for it? I don't think so, it was their choice to spend a lot! I'm not paying a few hundred quid to attend someone's wedding.

OP I think that £100 would be more than enough.

SheSaidHummingbird · 28/12/2021 22:05

However much you can afford. If you already set a budget that you were going to spend on a gift, give that amount. Any amount is generous.

MoonbeamSprinkles · 28/12/2021 22:06

I pay based on the wedding.
If it’s a cheap wedding I pay about £50-£80
If it’s an expensive one I pay £100-£200

I think this is a horrid way to do it!!

It depends how close we are to the couple for us.

If we’ve had to travel and pay for accommodation we might give less as we’ve already had to pay out.

But we wouldn’t go off how much the wedding cost, that’s just tacky.

toastofthetown · 28/12/2021 22:23

Did they give you a money gift for your wedding? If so, I would match that. £100 is a generous gift and over £200 is incredibly so. Most people/couples gave between £30-£100 at my wedding.

Darkstar4855 · 28/12/2021 22:24

I generally give £50 or £100 if partner and I both go.

StFrancisdeCompostela · 28/12/2021 22:27

£100 is generous, definitely no need to give more.

I think people often feel compelled to give more when it’s money rather than the value of a gift, but there isn’t any need at all.

TractorAndHeadphones · 28/12/2021 22:28

@IsDaveThere

If they have spent a lot per head for food and entertainment they deserve a large gift amount

Errrr no, they don't. So if someone wants to have an extravagant wedding then guests need to up their gift to pay for it? I don't think so, it was their choice to spend a lot! I'm not paying a few hundred quid to attend someone's wedding.

OP I think that £100 would be more than enough.

I don't think guests must up their gift . I personally however have a large range and the type of wedding would certainly impact it. I wouldn't say it was a question of 'cheap' vs extravagant more of the care and thought given to guests, and how much effort. Weddings in the arse end of nowhere, weddings needing guest involvement... given the costs/time involved in these the gift is somewhat secondary.
Centralperk88 · 28/12/2021 22:29

Recently got married and most of our friends and family gifted us between £50-100. And that was more than we expected to get, people were very generous!

Merryoldgoat · 28/12/2021 22:33

I got between £30 and £500 as single gifts but the vast majority gave £50 which was plenty.

And we had a free bar all night and a local wedding.

We didn’t have a list or anything.

Totalwasteofpaper · 28/12/2021 22:33

For a Best friend I agree with your DH and would do £250

£200 covers the cost of your plate.
For general weddings we do 50-100 per person.

What I would sat is mumsnet generally comes in low on these things and for £100 would you risk offending your best friend?
I really wouldnt...

The alternative is you could get them an experience on their honeymoon (1hr massage, scuba diving or similar)

Viviennemary · 28/12/2021 22:34

They are really cheeky. Give them a toaster.

Hyppogriff · 28/12/2021 22:35

100 is about the going rate

TheDuchessOfMN · 28/12/2021 22:36

£100 is very generous

thecatsthecats · 28/12/2021 22:38

@MaybeAMoaner

I pay based on the wedding. If it’s a cheap wedding I pay about £50-£80 If it’s an expensive one I pay £100-£200.

If they have spent a lot per head for food and entertainment they deserve a large gift amount.

This approach always seems so crass to me.

I give an amount based on my relationship with the person, not the hospitality they can afford.

Gooseysgirl · 28/12/2021 22:45

Is your DH Irish OP? Cash wedding gifts in Ireland are ridiculously high... it was a revelation to me when I moved to the UK that people actually give way less here and are far more sensible about it. My English DH was horrified when we got married at the amount of money we received from my Irish family and friends. Honestly I think that £100-£150 is plenty!!!

Original poster
danyL31 · 28/12/2021 22:52

Thanks all. I did think £100 was about right. Might increase to £150. But I did think that my DHs suggestion of £250 was too much as We have to stay in a hotel for 2 nights so it's going to be an expensive weekend 😃

OP posts: