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Original poster

Wedding money

84 replies

danyL31 · 28/12/2021 21:58

My best friend is getting married in March
They are not asking for a wedding gift but instead are asking for a contribution towards their honeymoon!
I was discussing with my DH and suggested we give £100 towards their honeymoon. He thinks It's too little and we should give more perhaps around £200-£250!
I think that's too much in my opinion.
Am I wrong? How much do people give these days? For our wedding we got £30/£50 per person who attended and we were very grateful.

OP posts:
Raindancer411 · 29/12/2021 09:03

£100 is generous, one of my immediate families (3 grouped together gave me £20 lol)

PinkWednesdays · 29/12/2021 09:11

To someone who I don’t know that well, such as a family friend, I give £50.

To someone who is a friend, I give £100.

To a close friend, I give £200 to £300.

To family members where I’m invited with parents, etc, my whole family gives £500.

But it also depends massively on what you can and can’t afford. But for a best friend, then you should be generous.

SallyLovesCheese · 29/12/2021 09:13

Only on MN have I seen such massive amounts for wedding gifts. Clearly I run in a different social circle to most of you. Gifts I usually give are around £30 for friends weddings. My own wedding, it cost £80per adult for food/drink. We stated that people could donate to a particular charity as a wedding gift. I think we probably got around £500 in cash anyway from our 80 guests. The thought that some people with the same wedding may have received £8,000 in monetary gifts just amazes me.

Amijustagrump · 29/12/2021 09:21

We got married recently and got £100 for one set of friends, £50 from another, some small personalised gifts (which we won't ever use but were well meant) and absolutely nothing from DHs friends (which bugged me as we even invited their partners who we don't know and paid for their hotel rooms!)

I would say £100 is more than generous

FredaFox · 29/12/2021 09:27

I've always done £100 if a day guest and £30-50 if night
I'm a bridesmaid shortly and bought my own dress so not sure what I should give, I'm thinking £150 if part of wedding party? I think they are paying £250 a head. I remember in the past people saying you should cover the cost of your meal?
I've already paid 389 in hotel costs though a friend has said she will pay half and share though we will see on that!

ZenNudist · 29/12/2021 09:28

£100 is very generous

PinkWednesdays · 29/12/2021 09:28

These answers can only help you so much OP. You have posters who think £30 is enough and £100 is too generous, and posters who start at £100 as a minimum.

Ultimately it depends on what you can afford, and what the normal spending is in your friend’s group. For example, on birthdays, we spend around £80 each, on flowers and dinner, so weddings will of course need to be a lot more than that. But for others, that sounds extravagant.

So spend more than you would on a birthday, and then add more on to reflect that she’s your best friend.

PinkWednesdays · 29/12/2021 09:34

@FredaFox

I've always done £100 if a day guest and £30-50 if night I'm a bridesmaid shortly and bought my own dress so not sure what I should give, I'm thinking £150 if part of wedding party? I think they are paying £250 a head. I remember in the past people saying you should cover the cost of your meal? I've already paid 389 in hotel costs though a friend has said she will pay half and share though we will see on that!
For one of my closest friends, I spent £800 on her hen, £100 on the dress, £200 on accommodation and £250 on a gift, and I didn’t care because she was a good friend.

When I got married a year later during covid (so cancelled our big wedding and had a small intimate wedding instead) she pulled out 2 days beforehand, meaning that I lost a potential guest at a time when guests were limited to 15! She claimed she was scared of covid but also said if her husband had been invited too, she would have come. I didn’t hear from her again, until 6 months later when she sent me a very small gift and our friendship is now dead.

I know it’s not relevant here, but clearly something I’m still hurt about and your post reminded me that even when you give all to friends to make their wedding special, they don’t always make even a small effort to reciprocate.

hugr · 29/12/2021 09:36

@MaybeAMoaner

I pay based on the wedding. If it’s a cheap wedding I pay about £50-£80 If it’s an expensive one I pay £100-£200.

If they have spent a lot per head for food and entertainment they deserve a large gift amount.

How do you know how much they have spent?
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 29/12/2021 09:37

I kept a list and basically redo what we were given!

SmallElephant · 29/12/2021 09:42

£100 is generous IMO.

lap90 · 29/12/2021 09:43

100 quid is fine for a day guest.

SleighbellsZ · 29/12/2021 09:44

We gave £100 to our best friends at their wedding.
More than enough. They were over the moon.

santaclothes · 29/12/2021 09:45

I would not give them money at all.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 29/12/2021 09:47

For a very close friend maybe £200.

£100 seems to be the norm otherwise?

Wecando · 29/12/2021 09:49

We went to a wedding in the Autumn. Day guests. Gave £100

Husband wanted to give more initially too but we discussed it and agreed that £100 was a nice gift.

Riverlee · 29/12/2021 09:49

I would expect £100.

colourPink · 29/12/2021 09:50

I recently got married and we also asked for money. The average amount we got was £50-£100. A few generous people went over but that was in the minority.

Point being- £100 is generous and more than enough!

WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 10:01

@MaybeAMoaner

I pay based on the wedding. If it’s a cheap wedding I pay about £50-£80 If it’s an expensive one I pay £100-£200.

If they have spent a lot per head for food and entertainment they deserve a large gift amount.

If a couple need you to ‘cover your plate’ in order to afford their wedding, they can’t afford their wedding.

Call me old-fashioned, but if I get married, I’ll be inviting people because I like them; not because I think they can afford a place at the table.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 29/12/2021 10:04

Totally depends on your friendship circle. If you all earn £100k per year that’s different to £28k so expectations different. If you can afford £100 then that’s lovely and would be seen as generous in my circles.

shouldistop · 29/12/2021 10:06

We always give £100.

Fairyliz · 29/12/2021 10:06

We went to my cousins wedding two years ago and gave £100. She told me the average per couple was about £30.
I can’t ever imagine giving £250.

Christmas1988 · 29/12/2021 10:09

We are going to a wedding where my DH is the best man, we are giving them £100 it’s a fair bit for us so hopefully they will be pleased with that.

LowlandLucky · 29/12/2021 10:35

This is your BF wedding, £100 would be great but i would be buying the bride a piece of jewellery.

shouldistop · 29/12/2021 10:38

@LowlandLucky

This is your BF wedding, £100 would be great but i would be buying the bride a piece of jewellery.
Not everyone likes jewellery or would want someone choosing it for them. I'd much rather £100 than a bit of jewellery. The only jewellery I wear are my engagement and wedding ring and occasionally a diamond pendant.